Distracted with work to do

This weekend was wonderful and awful. I am thankful, grateful, sad, tired, and wondering how to get all the work done that I need to get done. I had grand plans for the weekend, but did not manage to go running (too freakin' cold at my parents' house) or do any commenting/grading on lab reports I have (I forgot I had them...) or work on comments from reviewers on a paper. So, in true Jenski form, I will just spill some randomness to get it out there, so I can focus better.

I am practicing not discussing anything of substance when surrounded by my family. I think that many of you have already discovered the wisdom of this practice. Over the past couple of years I have realized that while people care that you have an opinion, they do not necessarily care what that opinion is and would rather not have you challenge theirs. Your family you are stuck with, so it is best to practice this skill with them. While you choose your friends, it is as if by choosing them you decide it is okay if you have different opinions and therefore it is safe to discuss them.

I do not think I know when my mother things she is being sarcastic or funny. She always sounds judgmental and angry when she comments on things, and then when I try to talk her down she gets actually angry at me. Or maybe she is just judgmental and angry, but she frequently acts exasperated when I comment, so I think she is trying to be funny. I may never know.

My grandmother is quickly going down hill with her late onset Alzheimers. This week my Dad and Uncle are taking her to the home they had all checked out when her mind was working (slightly) better to have lunch and leave her there (and with dementia/Alzheimers patients they do not want you to visit for a few weeks so the person adjusts to their new home). My Dad and I talked quite a bit about the situation, and he knows that this is all more difficult for him (and his brothers) than it is for her, but he is dreading the idea of Christmas. How my Grandmother adapts to living in the home will determine whether the medical staff thinks it is okay to take her out for Christmas. (If she is not adjusting well, they will recommend against it.) Every time I am home, the older generation comments that I will be surprised at how bad my grandmother is, but really I am not. I am prepared to not be able to have a real conversation with her and for her to not remember anything and be confused. I wonder if they are surprised that I am not more upset by it?

Family friends stopped over Friday with their kids, all six of whom they adopted from the foster care system and three of whom I babysat. We usually see them at Christmas, but the dad had been fairly persistent that they stop by while all of us were there. My brother and his wife were in town, and I guess they hadn't met my SIL before. Then the dad died. That night. In the car while his wife was driving. While this was very much sudden and very much completely unexpected, there have been many strange coincidences over the past few weeks leading up to his death. I went in to the hospital with my parents, then we helped get the family and their cars home and waited while the grandmother, two aunts, and nephew drove the four hours in the middle of the night. It was a long night for me, but it will be a very tough holiday season for the Mom and kids. He asked me how life was, I talked with the Mom about teaching, and as they were leaving, he made sure to check in to see if I had a Man in my life. He always asked about that, hence the capital 'M'. When I did have one, he asked about the status of the relationship. In the car, I guess he told his wife I never change (I am pretty sure in a good way!). I am glad they stopped, that I got to say good bye to him, and spend some time with the family. I am hoping and praying the family sticks together and gets through this; a couple of the kids have had rougher lives than others and will not have an easy time dealing with this loss.

Last weekend I got to catch up with some friends from Boston who are atheists. Much of my family no longer practices any religion and no longer has any particular belief and/or also identifies as an atheist. I, to this day, do not know what I believe but in recent years have found and participated in Christian churches with beliefs in various civil rights and investment in public service that I place value in. These values and practices are in secular lives as well, and I think that whether a person is religious or non-religious does not determine their investment in these issues and practices. Both religious and non-religious people are judgmental about the other, which is fairly obvious if you ever are exposed to an ounce of news coverage. See above for my current approach to these topics when with my family. Interestingly, I did not bring up my church attendance with my friends last weekend, mainly because of the meeting they were attending and the people we were surrounded with. Although I did talk about church with the one friend when it was just she and I hanging out, so it may follow my argument above comparing conversations with family and friends.

Boys are boys. My SIL (and my sister who actually reads this) will be disappointed to learn that BIL guy and I just. hung. out. again tonight. And decorated my tree together, because that's what platonic friends do, right? And also I am not willing to put myself out on a limb if there is any possibility of rejection, and I'm okay with that (see previous relationships chronicled on this very blog).

Occasionally I will wonder about the title of my blog, but tonight is one of those times I realize just how fitting it is. Where to start?