Aging

A couple of weeks ago I entered a new age bracket. I now have to check off "35-44 years old" when I fill out surveys in an attempt to win $1500 for praising the clearance section when filling out the the survey from the bottom of a Target receipt.

I remember coming up with interesting things to post about with regards to another year under my belt. I am getting older, though, and I forget what those interesting things were. Just kidding. Well, not really. I do think I have forgotten, but it has been nearly a month since I posted, so I am sure I can come up with something you all care to read about....

So the big 3-5.

...I got some presents...

...and used them...

 ...(Not pictured: chocolate, sneakers, wine cork decorative container, handheld vacuum.) Yes, I took a picture of a fried egg.

OH. Speaking of eggs. Here is a good conversation a BFF and I had. (This was totally a stream of consciousness-like post. My brain makes connections that are just this clever.)

Friend: Hey, Jenski, how's life?
Jenski: Great. Here's what's new, etc., etc. What's new with you?
Friend: Oh, not much. The boyfriend still hasn't finished grad school. I also called with a weird question. Have you ever thought about freezing your eggs?
Jenski: No. As in, right now I can't imagine feeling like I would ever want to freeze my eggs.
{Insert conversation about aging and fertility.}

Actually, I guess relationships and family are the biggest thing I think about when I think about aging. At 35 years old, I do not actually FEEL old, but when I think about life, I think that I am slowly running out of time for certain things. Now that I am on the topic, why don't I turn this post into that?

After a somewhat lengthy discussion on the topic, it comes down to this: She assumes she will have fertility problems, and given certain situations and family, I do not assume I will. I would love to have children, but given my last relationship, prioritizing my current career given relationship failures, and my age, I have also come to terms with the fact that it may not happen. I used to worry about boogers and puke; now I wonder how I would be able to teach a 3-hour lab starting at 8:30 a.m. if my child is up with the flu all night. I am also completely open to falling in love with a child who was not my biological child if that is what is in the cards. While it was a bit tongue-in-cheek, if my child is already potty trained and sleeps through the night when they become my child, who am I to complain? (Right now) I do not need to mess with my body, inject myself with hormones, and have a bunch of my eggs harvested and frozen to be happy with my life. This is what feels right to me right now, but you never know what life will bring, right?

It is also frustrating to know I am getting older and have people tell me that I am "so" young (because I am the youngest in my department). While I do not feel OLD, I know I am not YOUNG.

Now that I have that off my chest, I will try to post again soon with more interesting things....

FYI, my birthday also entailed going out to a great dinner with Bill (and a future weekend away somewhere TBD), some flowers from a coworker's garden, and lots of "Happy birthdays!" in the form of FB posts and texts from friends and family. It is not so bad getting older. :-)

Health stuff

It was spring break for me this past week. I front-loaded the fun and non-work activities, and thus have a fair amount of work to do this weekend. I started lots of these over the past few days, so I just need to finish them and move on to more stuff. Bill and I did some touristy stuff last weekend and spent a day on the couch watching movies. It was a good way to get over the cold I got just. before. break. Then we had snow and I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom. I did some yoga. I was on campus. I went to a cool private museum with co-workers. It has been a somewhat productive (but not quite productive enough) and relaxing break.

I have once again randomly chosen a primary care physician after moving for similar reasons as I have chosen in the past: close to work because I go to the doctor less often for being sick than for maintenance, a woman, friendly looking, and takes my insurance. Great way to pick, right? I have only met one of the nurse practitioners so far, and she is great, so I chose wisely. This is the first time a new doctor actually did a pregnancy test before renewing my birth control. It makes perfect sense for a doctor who has never met me to do this, and it made me surprised that this is not the norm.

She also did a full battery of blood work so it will be done for my physical. The good news is that my cholesterol is great, so I can keep eating cheese. On the other hand, apparently I am slightly hypothyroid. I wonder how long this has been true because she was looking not just at the hormones, but also an enzyme that if it is super low indicated hypothyroid and I have not noticed another doctor comment on this before. For the first time since I had my thyroid out seven years ago, my medication is changing. Let's hope this helps with some of my fatigue. I am mostly incapable of rounding up enough energy to do work after 7 p.m. My Mondays and Tuesdays are LONG days, so by Wednesday I am fried even though I get plenty of sleep.

I had not run in over a week until yesterday. Every time I thought to, I decided I did not feel like bundling up to go running when it was in the high 20s in the middle of March. Yesterday it was both daylight and 50 degrees when I got home, so I had no excuse. My legs are a bit tired this morning. I need to start increasing my mileage at some point here...

I have been taking decent care of myself until I had this for breakfast this morning.

Well, I had one full one and a small piece of all of the others.

Expensive tastes

One of the stories my Mom has told goes something like this: at an early age, my parents opened a nice bottle of wine. This was before they regularly drank decent wine like they do now. I was probably 10 or so. I took a sip and said, "Oh, that's good." My mom jokes about how I had expensive tastes as a kid.

Recently, BIL guy invited me to tag along for some wine tasting with his friends for a restaurant/selling wine to make money deal with the sales guy. All the wines tasted completely different, but there was one in particular that I loved and was popular across the group. If I remember correctly it was a Cabernet. Not too dry. Had a caramel taste. Smooth. I wanted a brownie to eat with it.

It was the most expensive one there.

BUT, if they bought 10 cases they would get an AMAZING deal on it. BIL guy said he would buy one of the cases, then looked at me and asked if that was okay.

Um. Yeah.

Stories abound

All this leaving and moving comes with lots of compliments and ego boosts and people realizing that they have limited time with me living here. Distractions and things to do, when I have work to do.

Posts to write about how life in general is isolating, no matter who you are; the irony of being a single woman with no children feeling like I need 'me time'; wondering what life would be like if I wasn't living off a single modest income; wishing I was honest, even when I wasn't asked; pretending I was thinking about science, when really I was thinking about life.

I am going to pretend to think about science for a little while longer before cleaning the bug spray off and going to bed...only to go to church in the morning, then lab, then get a boat ride if I am lucky, and then maybe get more work done. Whatever I do, I need my beauty sleep so I look good for the men in my life.

Look! Gratuitous sunset picture!

Crisis averted

I am currently eating the remains of a pizza I bought for my romantic Valentine's day with my cat. I had planned to eat only a couple of pieces so it would last a few days, but unfortunately it was too delicious. This is not the crisis about which I write.

I spilled my beer on my laptop last night. A waste of beer, right? While I pick up my drink when I move my standing computer lap desk, there is no preventing general clumsiness that causes you to just knock a drink over for no particular reason. My reaction was to blow the beer out of the keyboard...but then it went down the back and seeped into the battery connections. I shut it down to let everything dry overnight, and it all started up fine this morning. But with the battery in the laptop, the battery light just flashes orange at me. At least my hard drive is fine!

Now I need to speedily get all the things done that I planned to do last night, like submit an alumni interview report that is due today. Ooops!

Mini-makeover

Do you ever watch those home make-over shows and get annoyed that they compare a regular lived-in home as before with the polished nothing-that-the-family-owns-is-in-the-room after shot? I always notice even more when there is a play room or child's room involved. This is my own mini-makeover version. Unlike those TV shows, this was free.

I took down all of my Christmas decorations last weekend and cleaned up.

I could not remember what I had on top of my china cabinet before the big Santa was there. I started playing with the idea of moving my furniture around. This is the before - notice all the random stuff near the door and the crap on the table?

Then I emptied shelves to make furniture easy to move. Vacuumed. Polished the table. Hung all the things I have from my travels after not hanging them since I moved here. I tried to get it all done while there was lots of sunlight to play the other lighting trick they do on TV. Alas. I do like the new set-up so far though!

All at once now.

October is packed full for me this year!

I have 10 job applications in so far, and 6 to 8 to go. I have my first phone interview on Friday! CF came to visit. My parents came to visit. I go to NYC this weekend to see friends. I got a new beautiful phone in amber brown that I will activate tomorrow; this phone is likely smarter than I. I accidentally got a white cover for it, so I will have to wait until it tears or stains and get a better color. I have been exercising only a couple of days a week, but when I do I am tired. Climbing = fun and difficult. Jogging = boring and tiring. I am getting my butt back to the research bench, and anxiously waiting for a co-author to email me back, after 3 weeks and a reminder email, so I can submit my research paper that has been finished for a while.

Fails

When I got my own apartment in grad school, I walked home alone at night after drinking a couple of times. Then I realized that was not the best idea. I think I am aware of what is going on around me - I never talked on the phone, but had it ready to call if I needed to. I wouldn't listen to music. I walked with purpose. I paid attention to noises and people and cars around me. One night a friend and I were walking in the same direction, then parted ways after some drinking and it was latish. He made me promise to call him when I got home. Then I took a cab home from the subway one night and it was only $5. $5 and some friendly conversation with the local cab driver and I would get home safely. Sold.

(I was hyper aware of the sound of the taxi leaving. One night the cab sat there for a bit. I stayed away from the windows as I went up the stairs and did not turn on any lights until the car was gone. Paranoid? Meh.)

I do not have a regular thing when I get home that would let someone know I am home. (We will not get into the fact that CF and I do not talk every day...) So I am kinda aware of keeping myself safe. But two times in the past week, I did not act in situations and the excuse/reason was that it was potentially dangerous. But I wonder if it was actually dangerous or if I just need respond in a better way. I think one big problem with society is the general attitude that if you have a problem, it is your problem. If you know me a little bit, you likely know I am a good example of how people don't always ask for help when they should (or when it would be a good idea). So I try to make an effort to offer help when I recognize a situation in which I could help. Anyhoo. Onto my recent life fails.

I went for a run. 1.5 miles up the road. 1.5 miles back the same way. (Not a continuous run, mind you. Enough running to make my muscles hurt though.) The whole road has houses on both sides all the way. (This is me setting the stage for how it was a safe environment.) On the way back, there was a small pick-up parked. As I passed, I realized there was an older woman in the front seat crying. There was a lot of stuff in the cab. I could not remember if she was there 10 minutes earlier when I passed going in the opposite direction. I hesitated, but kept running. Did she just have to leave her home and did not know where she was going to sleep that night? (Not that I would offer my home.) Was it a murder TV show waiting to happen? Did she just lose a loved one? I will never know.

I am in the process of caving and getting a smart phone. {sigh} The second situation happened after a man came into the wireless phone store while I was in there on a rainy Friday evening. He was unkempt and had a grocery cart that he left outside with stuff in it. He was asking questions about pre-paid phones, and seemed to carry on a decent conversation with the sales dude. I did not notice when the man left. As I was pulling out of the parking lot, I realized that man was laying near the curb in the parking lot with his cart and he was not moving. I was pulling into traffic. Do I keep digging for my phone while I drive? Do I turn around? It is dark and rainy. I am at the stop light and realize there was a police car that turned its lights on stopping the intersection traffic. Then an ambulance and fire truck came through and pulled into the parking lot I had just left. I felt relieved and guilty that my immediate reaction was not to stop pulling out of the parking lot and to go over to the man.

I think I talk myself out of what might be a difficult situation, but still one for which I have time. I think I imagine that criminal TV show. I clearly watch too much Criminal Minds and Law & Order.

Random weirdness

I do not often remember the anniversary of my thyroidectomy. I do remember to take my replacement hormone daily, like I am menopausal, only not. Yesterday there was something on the radio about an executive at some bank or company that did something stupid who is 'retiring'. One reason cited was that he was recently diagnosed with thyroid cancer. Now I was lucky in the sense that I did not have to undergo the radio-therapy after my surgery, but I have a close friend who did for different reasons, and then there is VW's story that I read too. So I hope no one takes offense at this, but thyroid cancer is the MOST curable cancer. In a medical sense, NBD. Of course as surgery, recovery, isolation during treatment, cancer anniversaries, etc. go, it is a big deal.

What really reminded me of this though, was that I just went to rub my neck and can BARELY FEEL MY SCAR. It has been a little over 4 years, and I can still see it faintly, sure. Right after I had surgery I met a man with much darker skin than mind who barely had a scar just months after his surgery. It bothered me because I took REALLY good care of mine - lotion, sunscreen, it never burned, etc. - and I figured this meant mine would always be super visible. It is true that these scars fade though. :-) Maybe a metaphor for all life's scars?

Karma

I do not remember all the details of the happenings that have made me think of this post in the past two weeks. I am not sure I like the way karma is working out for me with the few examples I can recall.

I forgot my camera battery in the charger when CF's sister and I went to New York City for a few days. I managed to talk a guy down to $40 for a "Energizer" replacement that was already charged. I was afraid of how little charge it might have, so limited my photo taking. Sad, because it was NYC and there was plenty of which I could have taken photos.

I helped a lady on the subway in NYC pick up the papers she dropped all over the ground.

It was raining today, and there is a gigantic flock of crows that roosts at night in the town where I work. Walking to work, I got a rain drop in my eye, but at least I did not get pooped on by a bird.

My Ex is engaged. I accidently dropped a mug I like on a glass he gave me and broke both.

CF's family left last night. I had been driving his 2-door car, and he my 4-door car (with new tires) as he took his parents and sister around for almost two weeks. Today, I met with the associate pastor of the church I have been going to in order to talk about things in which I would be interested in getting involved. When I left work late (after talking about life with the other post-doc), and got in my car and turned the key? Nothing. Well, not nothing because the wipers (which were fixed over the summer), the radio, etc. all came on so the new battery I got before CF's family came works fine. Who knows what expensive wiring will have to be redone. On the bright side, I was near my mechanic, got it towed for free (thanks triple-A!), and CF still lives here so he could come pick me up.

CF is heading to look for a place to live in the New State on Sunday.

I invited people over to decorate cookies next week.

What else is coming my way?

Bug magnet

Warning: unnecessary detail about my reaction to bug bites, but also a review of what I have tried to treat them!

I few weeks ago (luckily AFTER my brother's wedding), my ankle looked like this all doctored up with calamine lotion.

(You are welcome for posting that.)

Then they healed up. Then this weekend I got eaten alive again. Or maybe I have poison ivy too?

Symptoms: My bug bites sometimes just get your average red raised bite that is itchy for a couple of days. Other times I end up with a pretty serious site reaction that gets raised, red, hot, and as it heals looks bruised. This concerns me a bit because it is almost like I get some tissue necrosis at the bite site. My third option for a reaction is dermatitis (I think), just tiny blisters and super itchy. Now that I look online, these worse reactions may be varying degrees of cellulitis.

Treatment: Two things can happen with a bug bite - an immune response and an infection. I have tried various combinations of treatments with this in mind. Usually I put some antibiotic cream on it right away. I started doing this per the recommendation of a doctor friend after her dad was reacting to a 2-day old sting, and she made the point that you never know what bacteria bugs are carrying. I have discovered that the ointments with pain relief seem to reduce the itching too! Then there is calamine, which I think is most helpful at drying them out. I do prefer the clear anti-itch cream over pink calamine for going out in public or to work. This clear lotion is less drying, but does protect the skin and reduce itching. A friend recommended applying Tiger Balm right after showering. This also seemed to work, but my skin reacted to the Tiger Balm so I figured that might not be good. Last time my bites got bad (see above picture) and hot, I kept them clean, used antibiotic ointment, and iced them. I HIGHLY recommend the ice! There is also the classic AfterBite (ammonia), but really this seems to do nothing for me. Spray Benedryl works sometimes if I spray it on RIGHT after getting bitten.

CF swears by spit. Right after he gets a bite, he puts a big ol' finger full of spit on it and does not react. He may also be less allergic to the bites, but whatever. I keep meaning to get some aloe with lidocaine. I figure that should work too.

Here is the biggest problem of all. I sprayed Off DeepWoods with DEET all over myself last night and still felt the mosquitoes biting! But CF and I went to a botanical garden where they display (with a RED sign) a huge poison ivy plant in the 'Injurious Plants' section, and today I went for a walk along a paved river trail where surely there was poison ivy too. I have some "bites" on my ankle that have suspiciously large blisters and are not really itchy, but rather more sensitive. So I either get big ol' blisters in response to mosquito bites or have poison ivy in addition to bites right now. Tonight, I stopped drinking sangria, took an antihistamine, cleaned the areas twice with rubbing alcohol, and put calamine all over. We will see how that goes...

Maybe at some point I should go to a doctor when I have a bad reaction?

Catch up

UPDATE: Gazing out the window during the work day is good for your eyes!! Apparently eye strain can make you physically exhausted too.

Luckily, I started working on my grant application resubmission a few weeks ago. It is due this week and I did not have to use every waking moment this weekend working on it. I still have a bunch to do today, but really, I have been trying to catch up on sleep and rest my eyes.

This past week left me completely exhausted (and fueled the lackluster post the other day). I was at work probably 10 - 12 hours a day and then had the commute in either direction. Most of this time I was staring at my computer at a very ergonomically-unfriendly desk. My eyes literally hurt at the end of each day, and I noticed it was taking longer for them to refocus if I switched between my glasses or taking off my glasses. I definitely am suffering from serious eye strain and that makes me feel even more tired because I do not want to keep my eyes open. Thursday evening, I talked to CF and he mentioned how his finger was still infected; based on a friend's staph infection in a finger in grad school, I gave CF advice (also explaining why I was making the suggestions). He said that because he got puss out of his finger and put neosporin on it, it was fine. We had another similar exchange after which I told him I had just got home (7:15-ish), was hungry, wast tired, and was getting off the phone because I did not feel like bickering about stupid stuff. Good times.

Friday night, we were out and did not get to bed until 12:30 a.m. because he is all chatty with other people and likes to stay places until the party/fun is long over. So I slept late and took a two-hour nap after being awake for maybe 2 hours. :-) Seriously though, I had to take that nap. My eyes hurt and I could not keep them open. Last night, I got almost 10 hours of sleep too. CF apparently has not been sleeping well (and claims he does not know why when I have asked, but I think he is lying) and often wakes up before me on the weekend. He has learned not to wake me up or I will be cranky. Sadly, I have been cranky even though he let me sleep this weekend. Then I cried in front of him too. Poor guy does not know whether to be worried about me or angry at me for being ridiculous.

I still think he should have soaked that finger in warm salty water though.

Recalculate and model

1. Over the past few weeks, I have gotten some GOOD deals. Between the local consignment shop, Banana Republic gift cards from gifts and credit card points, and a 30% off Family & Friends coupon for BR and the Gap I have purchased:

3 dress shirts
3 t-shirts
1 dressier short-sleeved shirt
Light-weight 3/4 sleeve sweater
open-fronted light-weight sweater
Jeans
Brown leather belt

For ~$30. That's right. Not including what the two shirts from the consignment shop may have cost in a previous life, I got ~$344.44 (if you go by all the suggested prices) or $189.99 (if you go by all the marked down and clearance prices) for $30. I think I can stop complaining about not shopping now.

2. In other news, I know I have had some pretty brilliant ideas in the past, but some of my recently implemented methods of savings really are working.

The speed limit here is 70 mph for cars and 60 for trucks. I used to drive close to 80 mph when commuting in the absence of bad weather, traffic, or idiots. I decided I would slow down. Now I hover around 70 usually, but have driven home at a mere 65 behind an 18-wheeler who was breaking the wind for my little Jetta. Why? Because if you decide to drive that way, it is actually quite relaxing and you get WAY better gas mileage. I have filled up at the same gas station and pump the past two times so I could figure out my gas mileage controlling for variation between pumps (oh, the scientist in me despite all the other gross estimates I am about to make).

Drumroll please!

3 mpg MORE driving the way I do now compared to the way I was. That works out to an extra trip to (or from) work. I may have over-estimated how much I would save last time I calculated it out (~$700), but with these new data (yes, 'data' is plural), I still save between $300 - $550 per year!

Bear with me for the rest of the math (and logic)...or skip to the punchline. I essentially "save" a gallon of gas every time I fill up (as in I use one less gallon per full tank because of the saved gas mileage). Now, if you consider that there are 255,917,664 registered vehicles on the road, and if each vehicle slowed down a bit and aimed to getter better gas mileage, and you assume people fill their tanks once a week (I fill mine every 4.5 - 5 days), every vehicle would end up NOT using 52 gallons a year...

Punchline: As a country we could NOT use 13,307,718,530 gallons of gasoline every year by just driving ~ 65 mph. That seems like a pretty significant number to me. Despite all the gross approximations, I think they were reasonable approximations. People could save money, the country could reduce dependence on foreign oil, and we would all win...I think. I am sure there are people who like to drive fast who think this is absolutely a ridiculous idea. I propose to start the trend, when police cars do not have their lights flashing, they should drive the speed limit (and not weave in and out of traffic and stay off the phone, but these are different issues I have observed while commuting), and public vehicles that would never need to go fast (like a department of transportation plow or a department of energy "official car") should have a speed thing (I forget what they are called) so that they CANNOT go over a certain speed. I know this has been suggested by many, and here are some arguments for reduced speed limits that would be even lower than 65 mph. Heck, if speed limits were reduced and police pulled people over, they could increase ticket revenue too, thus solving another local budget problem. I would be interested to see an actual modeling of this idea with real numbers broken down for car types, etc., but I still think I am pretty brilliant.

Satisfied for now

I do not really spend a lot of money, but do have a new found drive to spend less to save more/anything. To satisfy my desire to shop, I got to buy the following to be worn in my brother's wedding (as a bridesmaid).

Get this - the dress has pockets. For real. My future sister-in-law requested nude-colored heels, I immediately stopped at shoe stores on the way home to satiate said desire to shop. I figured a nice dressy pair of pumps can certainly be worn again! These I got at Nine West, whose shoes apparently run big because I tried on a size 7 in a different shoe for the first time since sometime in high school.

Now, they are comfortable from what I can tell, and even more so if I put on nylons so my feet are not sticky. I am a little concerned about summer weather swollen feet, but the wedding is in side and the next size up was way to big on my smaller foot. My questions to regular heel-wearers out there though: Can heels ever be completely comfortable? I mean, these are okay, but I have been wearing them around the house and then the balls of my feet hurt.

I really liked the sales guy. He was a really good sales guy too. I came THIS close to buying a bag, and it was tough not to buy this REALLY cute pair of red pumps that were similar. Or the cork ones. They would have been only $25, but luckily for my wallet, they did not fit as good as these did. I have been thinking about the red ones ever since though...

Not feelin' it

Last year I gave up the FB for Lent, and it was good. The biggest "problem" was that CF was still on it all the time, so when I wanted to get up and do something on the weekend, he wanted to check FB first. This year, I am not really feeling it. I do not really feel like thinking of something I can sacrifice because at the moment I feel like my life is pretty lame anyway. Might as well not make it any lamer by limiting something I enjoy. Yeah I get that that is the point of sacrifice, but I guess this year I am feeling too sorry for myself to give something up. I might use Lent as an excuse to limit my FB, but I am so busy in lab right now, that I am not really wasting time online like I was last year...

...If only I could get myself to do some work when I get home. When you are gone for ~12 hours a day though, it is tough. Off to get to bed early so I can leave early before all the people who don't know how to drive on slippery roads get on the slippery roads in the morning. K. I am done with the rambling.

P.S. After my last post, I got a check in the mail from the Treasury. I think this means that they think I paid too much in taxes. Yay for getting money back; boo for it making it more complicated to amend my taxes because I got a long forgotten W2 in the mail long after I had filed my taxes. Such is life.

Random good

1. The final product after I brought my tree home!

 2. Groupon. If you have not heard of it, check it out. One groupon I bought was $15 for $33 of produce (organic) delivered to my home. Almost tempting to sign up for the service, but for now, I will stick to the cheaper grocery store produce. Anyway, Here is the list of what I got earlier this week:

This is what it looked like:

All unpacked with other stuff I already had:

With the fennel, I made a potato fennel soup that was delicious. I, of course, did not follow the recipe to a T. I used some veggie broth, no fennel seeds, and did not use a blender, just a hand masher to make it chunky in the pot. Quick and easy.

3. A childhood friend on FB is doing something fun. If you message her a number, she will post her take on you on her wall. This is what she wrote about me:

Spending time with your family as child made such a positive impact on me. I LOVED being at your house. It seems as though you are truly making your mark on world. You are so smart, and you seem to be truly happy. I always knew you would. You are still the sweet kind girl I knew all those years ago.

4.  While my grant reviews were odd, I have a phone appointment with my Program Officer. My PI was also quite surprised that they made such a big deal out of my undergrad grades. She and I discussed how all of their concerns were addressable. Then she also suggested I start thinking about a paper to help me focus on the experiments to complete figures, maybe even write an introduction and methods. She thinks it is feasible to have a decent draft by the next submission date in April. Holy crap!

5. A good haircut.

6. Window "candles" that have sensors so they come on at night and go off on their own in the morning. So much better than trying to round up more plug-in timers.

6. Christmas is just a couple of short weeks away. Lots to do before then! An NFL game, CF work party, a trip to see the lights up at the zoo, and some experiments to get done for a meeting in January!

The small things

A recent birthday post over here, and the subsequent link to her project, reminded me of some random acts of kindness I myself performed. Stephanie just turned 35 and has decided to 36 specific things to, well, be nice. Her point is that even if you do not have money, you likely have more than someone else.

I have not recently make any decision to commit to a large project, but I have done a couple of things military related. Much like Stephanie, I think war is stupid. I like to think of war as grown-up boys using real people to play G.I. Joe. But, the people who fight for our country and protect our freedom and country are amazing.

A childhood friend has done three tours. For each tour, he has left behind a wife and children. I have seen many of our old neighbors over the years, but he and his wife have always been too far away to be at most get-togethers. Last spring I sent them a note. I thanked them for the sacrifices they make and let them know that many more people think and pray for them than they probably realize and that I was so glad that their family is together. Shortly thereafter, his wife sent me a thank you for my thank you via the Facebook.

More recently I was traveling to a friend's wedding. Her husband served in Iraq, actually. On my first plane, the man next to me was quite chatty. He ended up sitting next to me at the bar and bought one of my beers. So that was nice! Anyway, it was a long narrow crowded airport bar and a soldier ended up standing near me. I asked if he needed to get into the bar, and he proceeded to tell me that they were not going to serve him further down the bar because there were no seats, so I offered he and the other soldier my (one) seat. They had about nine minutes until their plane boarded, had left Iraq something like 46 hours earlier, and wanted an American beer on American soil. So when the bartender got over to me, I bought the two of them a beer and closed my tab. The best part was that the woman totally beat the man downing her beer. There were handshakes and they were off to their flight.

Now this recent story bothered me the most because they had managed to make their way far down the bar without someone else asking them if they needed to get into the bar. Presumably others heard the bartender tell them they could not be served without a seat at the bar and did nothing. The people around me (who were clearly business travelers with money versus my science-reading, jeans-wearing self) heard the man tell me this story. And I was the only one who thought to buy them a beer? I think I can spare $15 (this was beer in an airport remember) for them sacrificing their lives for me and my country.

Critters

Some of my family was visiting recently, and my Mom stayed with me for the weekend while the boys did the big college football thing. We came home one night, I went to put my key in the door and there was a cute tree frog sitting on the handle! My Mom put it in the bushes, but it took some coaxing.

A few days later, I found a big toad that had burrowed into the softer dirt in my garden. It was there for a few days.

There are a few holes in the garden too that I believe belong to the moles (?) that have done a number on the lawn.

There is a cricket in the hallway, but I cannot find it. It stops making noise when I open my apartment door.

Today, I went back out to my car to bring more stuff in. This was on the window! The one critter I have a picture of. Unfortunately I could not get my camera to focus on the body of the moth. It would be well camouflaged in a pile of fall leaves, huh?

Awkward

In graduate school, we had a student invited speaker from whom I had taken an animal behavior course as a college junior 10 years earlier. I got all excited at lunch when it was my turn to introduce myself, and said I had taken his class, the year, and that I had done my undergrad thesis with his close colleague/friend. I clearly did not do a good job introducing myself, given his response. He was totally taken aback and did not know what to say. He clearly did not remember me, and I guess did not know how to diplomatically continue the conversation. Was I too excited?

This past spring, I re-met a PI who had given a talk at my grad department. She was also the undergrad advisor and technician PI after graduation to a good friend from grad school. As a matter of fact, he was supposed to go to her lab this summer to do some work, which would have been nice because it's close to my current lab, but I digress. I introduced myself to her grad student, then later to her when she came to my poster and I noticed her name tag. Actually, when I think about this situation, I think she was just kinda quiet because she is shy. It was still awkward though because I had not thought out what to do after sharing my big revelation that her former advisee is my good friend!

The two rotating grad students in the lab right now are great. I asked the new rotator what year she graduated, because I have a friend who went to the same small college and studied biology. It potentially could have been awkward because new rotator and I had not talked much previously and I just sorta asked her randomly this morning. With she and "my" rotating grad student, it has never been awkward. We are all science-y people in that we like doing research and talking about science. Even though I would go out on a limb and say that scientists as a whole have their own way of interacting (or not) with people, my lab seems largely made up of people who are comfortable talking in general. That certainly helps prevent awkward moments!

I started thinking about these a couple of weeks ago as I tried to compose an introductory email to someone at my university who I had never met. She is the head of a big center on campus; we will call her Head of Big Center (HBC). HBC formally worked for a female alumna of my graduate department. The alumna mentioned HBC when I saw her at graduation (she was being honored as a female alumna of the sciences), and that I should contact HBC. HBC sent a very nice and enthusiastic email back, and we are meeting for lunch next week. I need to think ahead of time things I would like to know about HBC's Center and how I can be involved to avoid an awkward lunch with someone of influence.

THE year

You know how people usually end up with a year with lots of weddings? So far this year is that year for me with a whopping four weddings (two college friends, a childhood friend, and a coworker). I have been thinking a lot about how etiquette "rules" work and how to approach each of these weddings (only one of which I am attending). Now for random points about each wedding that are related to etiquette.

The coworker is in his early twenties. He and his now wife are just finished or finishing their college degrees, both working to pay the bills while taking classes, and really nice (not that being nice is important to etiquette "rules", I just needed another descriptor). He watched my cat when I went on vacation this summer. I actually do not know if or where they were registered and gave them money. Where they are in life, I can imagine that money helps with lots of stuff, like the rent and bills, or to help cover their honeymoon, which I think is an important and wonderful way to embark on a new phase of your life with someone. Actually, this situation did not raise any confusion with me except that I did not go. One other coworker went. CF was not on the invitation, nor was "Jenski & guest". To be honest, this probably impacted my decision to not go. In the end, I really could have gone. Was it wrong that I did not go?

The childhood friend was getting married back East, and it just was not feasible for me to travel for that wedding. A real shame because it was like a mini neighborhood reunion with wonderful people. I sent them a check too, as it was easier than calling the local kitchen store where they registered to purchase something or give them a gift card (yay, supporting local businesses!). They have still not cashed the check almost two months later, but then again are more gainfully employed than the coworker.

I am in one of my college friend's wedding. The bridesmaids (minus one, tear) recently got together for some good (clean) East Coast fun. (See photo on left. I do not have a photo of her lobster wearing her engagement ring, but trust me, it is funny.) She, much like another friend whose wedding I was in, picked flexible affordable options and great color for our dresses (see my choice to the right).

I do not know if it is in etiquette books, but I think that being considerate of your attendants in this way is good. If I was asked to be in a wedding and then the dress I had to wear was $500 and/or hideous, could I back out of the wedding? Now, I know one friend chose a dress that we were more likely to wear again over one she liked more for her image of her wedding because the one she did not pick was too bridesmaids-y and unlikely to be work again. I did wear the bridesmaids dress she chose to another wedding, so that was nice. Given my previous wedding experiences (all three I have been in - my sister's and two friends), I think it speaks to the reasonable type of people I know or am related to that they think of what they want their wedding to look like and also good options for their friends.

As for the other college friend whose bachelor party I recently referenced, I was not in his main circle of friends in college but we have stayed in touch and seen each other over the years. One of my best friends and I were invited, but the wedding involves air travel and stay and coincides with a weekend I will have family in town; it was not, therefore, an option to go for both reasons. If my friend and I could both go, it would have been a good time and interesting (but I would not anticipate FUNFUNFUN) to see his other friends from college. Plus, given his and my history, I really would have wanted CF to come with me (and CF was invited).

I feel a little bad not going. This friend once told me about his ex's wedding he went to because he knew she would be upset if he did not go. I emailed him to tell him why I was not going to make it and he said he would miss seeing me and meeting CF and knowing him he really means it. I am torn on the wedding gift for them. I certainly would not purchase the girly travel kit they registered for and could do the practical place setting. Because I do not really know his fiancee, I am inclined towards their alternative "registry": donating to foundation in honor of his former teammate who committed suicide. They clearly made that an option because it is meaningful to them; does it matter if my inclination to do so is because I feel it is more a gift for him than for them? Really, I think my dilemma with what to give them is more a reflection of my college tendency to over analyze life and think I should go with the foundation donation. THEN, though, there is no where in the link to say why you are donating. So do I mention it in a card so they know I donated in their names?

In other news, I dreamt this morning that CF proposed to me. I dreamt two friends (who were my roommates, are now married, and whose wedding I was in) visited me while I was at my parents' house. For some reason I sorta knew in my dream, CF was coming over later. He was delayed and I was going to leave and head home (I guess in my dream we all lived within driving distance?), leaving my friends with my parents. Then he rushed in the door with a funny look on his face and I told him I was still going to head home and he could stay (not in an angry way), and I turned around and he was on one knee proposing and everyone there knew this was going to happen but me. When CF sent me a text earlier telling me he dreamt he was a relief pitcher for the Tigers, I did not mention my dream, just asked if he saved the game in his dream. :-)