It's so bad I have to post

Man, this day just keeps piling it on. And while none of these things seems all that bad in the grand scheme of things, they're added on to my growing anxiety about my current institution and constant internal dialogues about what to do with my job.

After an hour of my floor vibrating and finally needing to get some work done, I went downstairs and got the door slammed in my face when I politely and not out of the blue asked my neighbor to turn the base down on their music. They sort of have.

My senior colleague tells me I need to take some time to relax and maintain denial of the impending semester like everyone else. Keep in mind we were back on contract last Monday and classes start in a week (I have a 10-month contract), and he hasn't been in yet. I've taken a total of 5 week-days away from campus this summer and checked my email during those days. My job is not important enough, nor was I on contract or get paid enough, to necessitate me checking my email in the summer. I wish I didn't feel so responsible to my job.

Romeo is trying to figure out how NOT to have jury duty. Now, I absolutely strongly believe that everyone who can absolutely should do jury duty. It irritates me to no end when people complain about having jury duty. (I have post ideas about privilege, don't you worry...) BUT, he does not have any type of job for which he will get paid when he has jury duty. I do not think think that jury duty should cause someone to lose pay, which then impacts their ability to pay bills and buy food, for example. We've been dating for 6 months, and I live in a different county from him. Want to take bets on what his idea for getting out of jury duty is? I'll find out for sure tomorrow after he looks into some stuff, but I'm guessing it involves him "living with me".

Such a rough life, right? Still feel the floor vibrating...still have work to do on this Sunday afternoon...

I'll leave this on a positive note though: I'm as sure as I can be without the final official email that a grant proposal I submitted last October will be funded. That happens and I'm going to get all high and mighty on my administration and colleagues and do whatever the hell I want in my job! (Obviously continue to do my job and be successful, but screw feeling like I *should* do something when I'm contributing significantly to the operating budget, supporting my research students outside of the college budget, giving the institution significant clout as a small college, etc.) I may even have a potential full-time research technician ready to go.

I promise the next post will be all about the things I love and do to have a fulfilling life.

Shopping therapy

I have learned something about myself. I use shopping therapy if I am either in a good place and want to treat myself or sad and want to make myself better. Take the past month, for example. I bought three dresses and some Yankee candles from Z-ulily. The dresses have all been worn and the candles burned. I mean, look at how cute these are?!

I also bought new prescription eye glasses (to be fair my others were about 4 years old and all scratched up!) even though I don't have my eye benefit kick in until December again. I think they are also winners.

AND, they had small cracks in them, so when I brought them back to get a lens replaced tonight, I spent the time waiting by going to the Origins counter at Macy's, getting a mini-facial, buying too many products, and finally opening a Macy's card after all these years...and now that I think about it, I kinda think I should go back and get a pair of jeans with my initial 20% off since I need jeans.

Want to guess what type of shopping therapy this is? The good kind.

Things that have put me in a good mood despite the excessive unofficial advising I do at work because students like to talk to me and noticing the number of scratches that have accumulated on my car? Romeo. Because he has immediate responses like:

Me: I'm fine. Getting work done.
Him: You are fine.

Me: That's amazing.
Him: You're amazing.

Him: When can I see you again?
Me: Here's when I'm free...
Him: I meant can I see you again tonight?

Me: Your secrets are safe with me.
Him: I probably should keep you wrapped in my arms to be sure.

Me: What are you up to today?
Him: Maintaining my composure until I get to see you.

Or spending a day hanging out and literally watching TV all day. Him having car issues, but taking the bus out to see me after spending 36 hours together (and the public transport here isn't great).

A quickie*

I went from thinking my life was boring, to being a little more busy than I wanted, to I think settling in to a good level of busy.

On one hand, Romeo is a great reason to stay productive and free up my free time. On the other hand, he's had car issues, and we haven't seen each other since the weekend. Yes, I do own a car that I drive. We will need to discuss his reluctance to have me over...not sure if it's the area of the city he lives in, the fact that he has a roommate (his cousin), or what, but dude, (pseudo-TMI warning) a girl can't go from seeing you and non-quickie time together (vague but you get it???) several times a week to this many days off?!

The Ex texts me today that he misses my nose ring, to which I responded that that's weird because it's still there. Turns out he misses my face, is drinking at the bar, just filed for legal separation from his wife, and wants to get back together. Whaaaat. Sorry, yo. I'm working on something better with someone who regularly tells me that he wants to spend time with me, I'm great (and he's great), and is a little more grounded than you. Almost 10 years post-break-up, good to know I still have a back-up plan if Romeo doesn't work out. {insert eye rolling}

Work has its great parts and its frustrating parts. I'm trying to distance myself from much of the work socializing because it is largely complaining and gossiping and not relaxing at all. Several times I have opted for a quick lunch and a walk in the sun instead. My colleagues certainly notice, but I put in enough socializing time to largely be "excused", in the sense of still being perceived as part of the team (I think). Many of the students seek out my advice, which is great and flattering. Unfortunately they aren't my official advisees and I don't get "credit" for that time. Yesterday I spent between 60 and 90 minutes advising students who are not my advisees. That adds up. A lot. I need to speak to my chair about getting these students assigned to me so that I get "credit" for it. Good news is, the students generally love me. Not sure if it is because they perceive me as "younger" or that I am just better at this part of being a professor than some of my colleagues.

*No pun intended. This is intended to be a quickie post for my fans**.

**If I still have fans after my posting hiatus. ;-)

When one door closes another opens

Out on the porch the fly strip is
Waving like a flag in the wind
You know I really don't look forward
To seeing you again
You look like a photograph of yourself
Taken from far far away
And I won't know what to do
And I won't know what to say
Except fuck you

~Ani DiFranco

So tonight I saw the ex of long ago to whom I sent a text about a month ago. He emailed me less than a week ago saying he would be in town today and his friend was also here for a conference. So he wanted to take us out to dinner. And could he stay at my place. Two bottles of wine and wonderful dinner later, he decided to stay at the hotel with his friend.

After being so insistent about staying here (and my insistence that he tell his wife where he was staying...), it was strange. I would like to believe that after dinner (which involved me sending a few texts to Romeo), reference to the World Series winning game he let me watch alone in 2004 (which apparently he still feels super guilty about even though I was laughing about it), and his friend suggesting a couple of times that he stay at the hotel made him *finally* realize he needs to let us go? A slightly longish hug good-bye and his melancholy face suggested that may be the case.

A pretty big part of me wants to know why he changed his mind about staying at my place.

The other pretty big part just keeps thinking about Romeo and having this work out with him. Seriously. If there is any relationship I need to move on from still, it would be with CF, but this experience tonight with the ex-ex(-ex, if you count Bill now!) made me feel pretty strongly that even though I don't know Romeo that well (but I do know his last name now!!), I have this feeling that even if we don't agree on something I think we could talk about it and come to some agreement, or that our middle-children Aries personalities are enough alike and understanding of each other that strong opinions would not cause actual arguments. There is just something. And I just keep fending off thoughts that somehow I have invested too much hope in it all.

Recuperating

This week marked my first illness-related absence from my current job.

I went for a run after work on Monday, given the lovely spring weather here. My GPS and my foot were both messed up, so I kept it short. I headed home, made plans to make dinner and feed Birthday Twin (hereafter known as BT*?), then promptly puked three times after I started making dinner. Luckily BT hadn't made it to far in the car, and I could tell him to turn around. (Sadly, this has ended up meaning we have not seen each other all week, and I can tell you that is a real shame.) I finished making dinner, put it in the fridge, and passed out on the couch for 2 hours. Then woke up and went to bed. THEN (because I know you're enjoying the play-by-play), I stayed home yesterday with a fever that went down mid-afternoon. On one hand, I've said multiple times I wish I would get sick and have a reason to cancel class. On the other hand, I didn't have any classes to teach yesterday, so it was a waste of a "sick day" (not that I have some set number of sick days...I think...).

My recuperation consisted of getting up normal time for work, emailing a couple of people that I was sick and not coming in, then watching the series finale of Downton Abbey. Its ending made me pleased and was essentially what I was hoping. Then I slept on the couch for a couple of hours.

I ran in to work to get work, since I figured I would still need to prep class. I stopped and got some raspberry sherbert on the way home, because nothing says childhood fever to me like some raspberry sherbert. I seriously think that was the magic that made my fever go down over the afternoon. I managed to prep a bit for class and finish grading some exams! Then I went to bed at 9:00.

Factors contributing to my recovery from the weird <24 event:="" flu-like="" hour="" p="">

• Downton Abbey!
• ~20 hours of sleep in ~36 hour period.
• Only puking those initial times and not continuing. I hate throwing up.
• 2 advil.
• One of my favorite students (who are we kidding? we all have favorites...) earning 100% on the exam I was grading. This was 11 points above the next highest test! She was beside herself today. It was amazing.
• I got my impact score back from a research proposal I submitted in the fall. It is in the solid "excellent" range. I don't want to get too hopeful, but cross your fingers I get real grant funding!!! I'm mostly excited that this would mean I could hire a technician and pay myself for the two months per year not covered by my contract. Game changers.
• BT. [Warning: here comes train of unedited thoughts.] I really want to know how this will go. I think after a couple more weeks I will either need to pull the plug before getting too attached, or it will just have to be the real thing. He may not have a choice. My college roommies (with whom I conclaved** this weekend) were (rightly) amazed? appalled? surprised? all of the above? that I do not know BT's last name. In the words of one of said roommies, "It never came up!" Sadly, my illness got in the way of seeing him this week because then we both had other conflicts. But the text conversations. Oh, the text conversations! The "When can I see you again?", "I want them all" in response to my free nights next week, a Harry Potter marathon that would get him into my SIL's good graces, "You're worth it" in response to making him wait (and to which I responded that he's a smart man). Oh, he's funny too! Me - "I guess meteorologists care." Him - "Yeah, so like 50 people."
• On a related note, the other guys I have had more communication with or gone on a couple of dates with have sorta faded out. NBD. We'll see how BT works out and reevaluate if necessary.
• I inspired a friend to try some online dating, & so far it's been good for her too! Yay!

Okay...now back to work....

*BT is the IRL nickname of one of Bill's friends. So if you think of a better nickname for the current boy, do let me know.

** The 6 of us who lived together senior year in college live within a 4-hour driving range since I moved back east. SUPER doable. We have been getting together about twice a year. It's amazing. The first time was when the last papal conclave was occurring, and we had a new member who has since married into our 'family' who we joked would be voted on at our conclave.

***Conclave story 2 that has no reference above. I jokingly asked my friends if they had secretly voted Bill out, and I just hadn't known it. One**** responded that because I seemed indifferent, they were indifferent and didn't even bother. I think my friends may know me better than I know myself sometimes...

****OMG, that friend is getting married in October and I. CANNOT. WAIT.

Coincidence?

The craziness of coincidences on my second first date:

We share a birthday, right down to the year.
We are both middle children.
He was telling me how he processes a friend's problems - asking for all sides even though he supports the friend, and how it can frustrate people. I totally do this.
He often says no to plans, but really just needs time to think about it and will end up saying yes. Sounds familiar to me too...

I asked him what time he was born so that we could figure out who is older, and thus wiser.
Me: Hey, Mom, random question from my birthday twin...
Him: Pretty much how it went...I met someone as great as me trying to decide who's greater...

Thanks

Thank you, attractive vendor at the craft show, for watching me pass by.

Thank you friend with whom I recently caught up after too long for your encouraging words re: lots of stuff.

Thank you, colleague, for mentioning how much it bugged you that the student who was house sitting put the mugs back differently and that bothered you. It made me really realize I cannot live alone for the rest of my life.

Thank you, Director of Res Life, for letting me know you hear good things about me from the students!

Thank you, College Chaplain, for introducing me to students as being wonderful.

Thank you, online dating site users, for filling up my social calendar. You have good tastes (in me!).

Thank you, local friends, for getting excited about my stories.

Full circle

Many years ago, when I first thought it was a good idea to start a blog, I was venturing into online dating as a way to just start doing things and getting out there. So, it was my sixth post, but still. It meant I didn't have to repeat stories for those friends to whom I gave the link. Well. I may have recently embarked on my third round of this approach to reentering the dating scene/getting out there and doing things. But first, I bring you letters to people (a la Stephanie whose letters I greatly enjoy reading)!


Dear Bill,

I ate the box of your favorite Girl Scout cookies and drank the case of your favorite beer and sold the ticket to the beer fest I had for your birthday (now past). Your loss. Enjoy NYC.

Ex-Jenski



Dear fellow faculty,

Grow up.

Best,
Your fave junior colleague



Dear Ex,

I know I started this. I will likely regret it, but since I love this song and think this exact point most times I hear it, the wine I had with friends tonight "made" me send the first text. (Me on the right; he on the left.)

Jenski

P.S. Isn't it amazing that Amazon Prime knew to play 'Someone like you' soon after? Sometimes I just think FML to myself.



Dear friends/family (internet and otherwise),

Feel free to judge re: previous letter (spelling/purpose/whatev.). Seriously. I'm judging myself right now.

XOXO,
Jenski



Dear friend,

You were spot on when you said you hoped CF wouldn't break my heart but you were afraid or knew he already had. I think I'm still recovering quite honestly.

XOXO,
Ex-roomy




Sometimes you have to just get wine drunk on a Thursday night before you teach the next day...

Whoa

So. It's been nearly 7 months since I last posted. I (think I) will not try to do some major recap or anything, because that would probably be mostly for me? Many of you know bits and pieces of the last 7 months of my life through the FB, Instagram, seeing me, etc. You readers who may still have this pop up on your bloglist have had your own wonderful, awful, and/or average life things happen over these past months.

....

I started this post a couple of days ago, but didn't know where else to go with it. The title was actually in reference to the 7 months since the last post. I am inspired to post it and a random hodge podge of things though, because I found out on the ever trusty face book that my most faithful commentor, Ron, passed away at work yesterday. I never asked how Ron found my blog, but it was likely from my early days of blogging when I would wander around blogland reading and commenting. Once, I posted about being googleable, and Ron was up to the challenge and ended up tracking me down on the face book. My ex thought it was weird Ron and I were friends on FB (but NOT that my other ex kept trying to stay in touch with me). I never met him in real life despite driving back and forth near his homebase several times. He was always ready with an obviously ridiculous comment on posts on the FB, and kind in blogland. He struggled with his life, but was a good person.

It is strange, because I lost my last living grandparent in the spring right before my birthday, but was not inspired to post about that loss. To be fair, I have thought of posting many, MANY times in these seven months, so maybe I will just start working through thoughts of race, relationships, academia, etc.?

In the meantime, I have recommitted to running, or at least am trying. Also eating more fruits and vegetables and less carbs. I am trying to be at least active in an intentional way every day starting last week (although on Saturday I got a mani-pedi instead...) and be aware of what I am eating (logging everything for 7 days to truly see if I eat the way I think I do).

I will leave you with some recipes I have tried recently that are TOTAL wins:

Earl-grey tea cake with rhubarb cream cheese icing I made to watch the last couple of episodes of Outlander with friends...who ended up canceling because they needed to finish packing for their impending trips to Europe. For the record, I brought it to work and did not eat it all myself!

Coconut raspberry dark chocolate muffins that happen to be vegan, paleo, low-carb, and grain free. A coworker picked me two pints of raspberries (and blueberries!), so I was using a handful of them up.

A delicious banana bread recipe I made vegan (by substituting "flax egg" for real egg) and roasted the bananas for because they were not very ripe. This one I made vegan because one of my summer research students is vegan and had her wisdom teeth out last week, so I promised to bake something she could eat before that happened. The cranberries were a surprisingly good touch!

Last, but not least, a zucchini crust for a "pizza". There is a comment that it is "quiche-like", which I would buy. It comes out a little floppy, but relatively sturdy to hold stuff up. Obviously if you were to dare to attempt feed this to children you should NOT use the word "pizza", because pizza it is not. I actually made it with summer squash that the same coworker who donated the raspberries brought in for me. I also used two eggs instead of egg substitute and then added a tablespoon of flax meal and did not use the suggested toppings. If you have seen any of my recipe posts, you will know that I frequently mess around with recipes though....

....

So thanks, Ron, for inspiring me in your absence to post again. Sorry there was not any bacon in the recipes...although that would be tasty on the "pizza"! I'll be interested to see if you entrusted someone to take down your blog when you were gone...

Maybe I'll keep up the blogging....

(...or maybe just reposting links to old posts I never want to forget.)

There is this

It has been a long fall. I have emails (personal, not work) in the queue I haven't responded to (sorry, sis), I've run some, I've has some student who I wish were not dealing with what they are dealing with, I'm still dating (maybe more on this word choice later), I have made great friends and close close aquaintences here, I am going to see Dar Williams this weekend (Woohoo!), and I have six weeks with no classes starting very soon (to be clear, this does NOT mean six weeks off). There is still this though:

Bill: When do you want to go see the movie 'the interview'?
Jenski: Don't you mean 'the theory of everything'?
Bill: Double feature!
Jenski: That would be quite the funny date night.
Bill:It'll be an upper and a downer.
Jenski: But if we go to that theater where we go, we can sneak in a bottle of wine!
Bill: I'll wear baggy pants.
Jenski: That's what winter coats are for.
Bill: True. Cold weather is smuggling weather.
Jenski: I wonder why we don't hear more about those Canadians {Sorry, Spark} smuggling drugs, alcohol, people, and exotic pets into the country?
Bill: Because they sail down Lake Michigan which is full of scoundrels.
Jenski: Corrupt Wisconsinites!
Bill: Exactly! They love cheese and crime.
Jenski: We're funny.
Bill: Haha. Yup.

Where did June go?

Time flies when you're super busy! I do not really have time to post right now because I have some emails to write and a grant proposal to work on. I was inspired to share a couple of things though, like text conversations with Bill that make me laugh. He is on the left; I am on the right.

I went to a workshop where there were lupine...

...jellyfish...

...and lots of fun and good connections made. I also got to see friends and family before and after the workshop, which is always a plus!

There are other things I could write about, but maybe when things slow down after my proposal deadline? Famous last words - after that deadline is an undergrad research day with my summer student and after that I have four weeks to plan a seminar course and catch up on all the other teaching ideas I have had. It would be nice to read a book for fun too....

That's it!

I have a couple of posts in draft form, a grant to write, my sister's birthday to follow up on (it's on my list, Aim!), a long weekend with my parents I could post about, a conference tomorrow.

But I heard this song on the radio on my way home. I teared up and had one of those aha! moments.

This is why I hesitate to risk putting myself out there.

Girl can you tell me
the one thing you'd rather die than lose?
'Cause mine would be you.
Mine would be you.

When I heard these final lines in the song, I thought that I have felt that way before, and I don't feel like that was reciprocated. Maybe my actions did not exhibit the emotion behind them enough? I do not really know, but I am not sure that someone has felt this way about me, and I teared up. [To be fair, I bet that my high school boyfriend did feel this way, but given our young age, didn't know how to fight for us and get my 19-year-old-self to grow up.]

When this song came out, the whole thing made me cry. Then, when I stopped being angry and hurt about my last relationship, I would hear it wish that someone felt (or acted) this way for me; it gave me a sense of longing. Now, apparently, it does what I am sure therapy could have done two years ago and gave me a chance to articulate why I shy away from the possibility of another relationship.

Music is cheaper than therapy.

Multitasking

My friend was recently telling me that she does not want to 'bug' her boyfriend too much about future plans because he is finishing his thesis and he cannot 'multitask'. Prior to this, she felt bad for bringing it up with him because he was working on a big project and also had his thesis and could only work on one thing at a time because he cannot 'multitask'.

I think I had such a visceral reaction to this because she sounds like I did a few years ago when CF refused to respond to any of my attempts at talking about future plans as well. I told her as much and also that she should think about my suggestions in this light. She shares a lot with the boyfriend, as she should, so I pointed out that she should also tell him this about me if she told him what I said. In addition, her boyfriend's inability to discuss a plan, with the acknowledgement that plans are not set in stone but give you a goal, is affecting my friend's well-being. Thinking you may unfairly burden a partner and refraining from a conversation when you yourself then end up unfairly burdened does not make sense to me.

Multitasking has nothing to do with doing two things at once. Sure you can pat your head and rub your stomach at the same time or chew gum and walk, but I am pretty sure that if the things require cognitive input, you can only do one thing at a time. I told my friend that if she gave her boyfriend a heads up that she needed (yes, actually needs) to talk about this would mean that he could be prepared to participate instead of him being unprepared, as he has apparently been during previous attempts. (As an aside, I have done this with exes to no avail.)

I actually do this with myself. I will think about how to approach something for way. too. long. sometimes. Then when I go to actually do it, it takes very little time though. There are some things I absolutely need to get done in a timely fashion that are simmering right now.
     Taxes, for example. It is way past when I should have already made an appointment to have someone do those for me.
     A grant proposal due in July. It seems like a long way off, but it is a big proposal. This may sound crazy, but as long as my teaching is good, if I got a proposal funded through this mechanism, I might be all set for tenure in 5 years. Seriously.
     My lesson plans for next week. It is spring break for me and I took the last three days off from work-work. Bill and I hung out literally all weekend, I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom, and I did all my laundry (plus the extras like my duvet cover). There is no more procrastinating available in my apartment.
     Figuring out this Bill thing. There are several things I am trying to get used to again. As with my conversation with my friend about she and her boyfriend, it would make sense for me to share with Bill so he does not think I am ambivalent or boring. One is I getting used to being gone. Bill likes to travel, even for regular weekend things. I do too, I just have not had the resources to do it in recent years. I need to get back into the swing of things. Participating in the summer research program provides me a stipend, but the budget is continually shrinking for the program so who knows what measly amount it will be. Honestly Bill pays for almost everything, but then I feel bad about that (see above sharing idea...). See also this previous post. I have also been unfriending people on Facebook who I only know from my previous relationship life. I have done this in waves, and it was great to do some of this the other day as I was also friending new people I have met in my new life.
     Getting my research set up. I have a summer student lined up and not my research. I had plans of doing this in January. Then this week during spring break. It involves a trip back to my post-doc lab to pick stuff up. First some plumbing was not getting done. Then there are snow days that bring everything to a screeching halt at my small liberal arts college. Now there is a water shut down in my building to do outside water main work (which is surely delayed thanks to a snow storm yesterday). Not surprisingly, I JUST got an email that water will be off through Thursday (one-day delay), with no hot water until Friday. FML. Time to get dressed, head to campus, and plan my bathroom breaks so I can go to the building next door to use their bathrooms.

Undoing relationships

**This post is brought to you by my ability to procrastinate on lecture prep and an early announcement that I have a snow day tomorrow.**

A couple of weekends ago, BIL guy, who I have now decided to just call Bill, came to my parents' house for the weekend with me. I had not invited him in order for him to "meet the parents", and he's already met my sister and her family before (obviously, being 'brother-in-law guy'). I was perfectly comfortable having him come with me, and he was perfectly happy to come. We did not hit a single minute of traffic on the NJ Turnpike, so the drive only took 6 hours in each direction. It is like it was meant to be.

Then at the new faculty happy hour that week, one of them asked how the weekend was. I think I forgot I had told her about him.

Then he came to dinner for my college friend's birthday. (She, her boyfriend, and Bill and I have had dinner together before.)

This weekend he came to a gathering on campus that was made up of new faculty and others who are friends of one of the new faculty members. Bill thanked me for introducing him to my friends, but honestly, it makes my life easier. On top of that, I want my people to know and (hopefully) like each other. Why would I try to keep different parts of my life separate? I cannot find any reference to this "idea" I had in high school. Idea is in quotes because I am probably not the only person who truly wished to just have all the people I care about live in one town, Jennytown.

Bill also had a friend come into town to see their mutual friend in a show, so there was hanging out with some of his people. We also got to go backstage after the show. It is cool to see how all the stage stuff is organized behind the scene; my favorite part was the penis basket. No, that is not a typo and if you know Book of Mormon the musical at all, you'll know when the basket is used. The fun part of hanging out with his people is hearing stories he has told them about us. I commented that the bar where we were getting a beer was where Bill first impressed me with his trivia prowess (he's seriously amazing at trivia), and apparently he had already conveyed that story to the friend. That trivia night was the first night we hung out. We rehashed, with his friend, how we hung out frequently for what I call 'non-dates'. Apparently in the fall, Bill was not really sure what was going on, but I always said yes to hanging out so he thought that was good and kept asking.

We are to the point in our dating where if we stopped dating, I would have to undo another relationship. I slowly unfriended people I knew through exes over time, and ended up asking family and friends to unfriend CF over the summer, and it is always sad. Having become happy in where I am with moving back to the East Coast, my job, being close to family and friends and seeing them so much more often, now I have to convince myself that it is worth it, again, being open to another relationship regardless of where it may lead, sharing anything I can (including my family and friends), laying it out there what I want and where (at least right now) I am not willing to compromise given previous relationships. That seems like a bad way to think about a new relationship, but right now I still feel pretty protective of my life, career, and, honestly, heart. We keep talking about plans for months away from now, so for now we are clearly good. :-)


Also. Bill punched me in the eye last weekend. Apparently he was dreaming about playing basketball, and some kid was handing him a potato chip as he was going to take a shot. He reached out in real life to grab the potato chip in his dream...and hit me in right in the eye.

How serious ARE you?

Three things indicating various levels of seriousness for you to judge. It is always nice to be told you are expected to be judgmental, right?

1. I really do love when I feel fully prepared for class or when I finish writing up an assignment. I am enjoying meeting students at all levels - teaching an upper level course with a lab and an intro lab section. I just confirmed with a student that she will do summer research with me. For the most part, I think I am on the right track. But when the weather channel sent out a storm watch alert for later this week and I heard other faculty complaining about the winter weather, MY first thought was, "let's go snow day or delay!"

I never really thought I would be that person (I mean we are only 2 weeks into the semester!), but it is nice being on the instructor side of a snow day. Plus I honestly do not mind the winter weather, I am sure in part because I do not have to shovel or clear trees that fell down in the recent ice storm.

2. Rapunzel had this idea that we would use Nike+ to motivate each other to stay active, although she seems quite good at it herself. We both said, at least in the beginning that knowing someone else could see when we ran made us more likely to run, and we kept trying to just get ahead of the other person (although I was just trying to keep up...). She finished the 30 miles in 30 days a few days early and set up a new 32 miles in 30 days challenge. And she just finished after 11.5 days. I have not kept up, but I did run 30.06 miles in January and already 17.17 miles this month. Not too shabby, but not quite as serious as Rapunzel.

3. BIL guy is coming with me to my parents for a big bonfire and drinking this weekend. On one hand, I suppose it is some-adjective-I-can't-quite-put-my-finger-on that technically we have only been [clearly] out of the friend zone since Jan 1 and he is hanging out with my family. On the other hand, he knew my BIL way back and has met my sister and the kids, and we have been hanging out for so long, that it does not feel weird at all. He also has been happy to come from the first time I mentioned it, including when I gave him another out over the weekend. That is mostly all I have to say about that.

Snippets

BIL guy and I have some funny conversations. He is in white; I am in blue. This was the night before we headed out of town together for a couple of days.

I think the most memorable conversation of that weekend was (again) talking about the months and months we hung out as friends. He asked if I thought he was gay, and I told him that while I had joked about it with my aunts, I was pretty sure he was not. Later when he referred to a situation, I pointed out that it was back when he was gay and we had a good laugh.

This was after we spent the weekend together out of town.

BIL guy loves mac and cheese, and apparently is a big fan of boxed mac and cheese. We recently discussed my and my friend's use of plain Greek yogurt in Annie's mac and cheese. If you have not tried it, you must. (While he was skeptical about this combination at first, he ended up thinking it was delicious.)

BIL guy then spent the week deciding what, besides my mac and cheese, would go with the pulled pork. He thought maybe corn on the cob, but apparently I have told him about how I am a corn on the cob snob (as in I only like it fresh). Dude remembers way too much?! I asked him what else I had been snotty about, and he at least pretended not to remember anything else. (Sometimes I think I am like a stererotypical guy, because I am pretty sure I do not remember as much of our conversations. I felt better when we went to brunch and I remembered we had been there before for drinks and he did not.)

Anyway. This was his reason for cooking something that would take all day.

And he meant it. Classes start tomorrow, and he said he couldn't wait to hear how it went.

The count-down

I am lucky. I still have another week before classes start. I have been relatively productive during break, but could have done more planning and prep before now if I had cared to. At the same time, I am definitely not going into the semester exhausted, which is a good thing.

I am not sure if I have mentioned it, but I am teaching a lecture/lab course plus one intro lab this semester. In the sciences we figure out staffing by contact hours, so I will be in the classroom teaching for 9 hours a week. The intro lab is no big deal - there is a person who preps the labs - but I will also be sitting in on the lecture so I know what the students are learning and also sitting in on a lab before mine so I know what to teach - that will add another 6 hours to my in-class time each week. The other class I am teaching I have decided to do from scratch even though I have my predecessor's materials, so it will be fairly time consuming to generate the course material. My knowledge is different from my predecessors, so it was either learn what she had taught and teach it, or draw on what I know and make up new labs. So I went with the latter.

Unfortunately I will not have my research set up before the start of classes, so I am not sure if I will be able to use my research in my teaching lab this year, but will down the road!

I realized last week that I actually have to be putting together lectures for the semester. Tomorrow, I start my one-lecture-prep-a-day plan. Over the course of the week, I need to outline the first few labs too. I am excited about the course, as it is upper level, and am trying to hold the self-doubt at bay. I know I can do it, I just need to do it.

In other news, I painted this. It will be fired and ready to pick up this week. I picked it as a pet dish, but we will see if she gets to use it or not. I painted the flower on the inside figuring it could be a water dish, and then I could still see my handy work. A few of us went for a ladies' night at one of those paint-your-own studios, and we all did completely different designs. It will be fun to see how they look after being glazed and fired!

In other-other news, I spent a fun couple of days in Philadelphia this weekend.

 The stairs Rocky runs on.

 The Liberty Bell, which I learned was cracked from day 1.

 Independence hall.

 The room in which the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution were signed. George Washington sat in the chair in the front!

 Random alley...

I have also managed to run 3- 4 times per week, thanks to some friendly motivation. For some reason I don't feel like I am getting any faster or that it is getting any easier. I think I need to try running without music, as boring as that sounds, to figure out what my natural pace is. It is on my To Do list for tomorrow.

My motivation to keep on top of my work this semester is going to be more short trips like this. 7 days to the new semester and counting...

Busted

As I was catching a friend up this evening on my romantic life, I was recounting conversations between BIL guy and I. Over the past, well, since NYE, we have talked about how this all came to be with he and I. Admittedly, I mentioned something in a drunken state about how I had wondered what was going on because we were doing date-like things, but I could not tell if it was dating. He commented that we were more dating at that point than we had been the day before. Funny.

Fast forward a week, and he is telling me that "there was one time when we were on a date...I mean when we were hanging out...when I knew I should've made my move and I thought I had screwed it up and lost my chance."

Busted.

He could not remember when this non-date was, but clearly had hadn't lost his chance.

Lesson learned

The lesson: I know I should not put off the desire to write a post thinking I will get my work done first. What ends up happening is that I waste my day procrastinating, then write a post, then get way less work done than I intended. And I have a syllabus to try to finish, so I MUST post first so I have no excuses.

Not that you needed an explanation of that, but whatever.

Now on to the post...

One, I love Yogi tea. Particularly when the tea saying feels applicable to me. And "Happiness comes from contentment" feels true in my current life. I have been pretty content since September in work life and personal life. I ventured into the online dating thing around then just to get back into it, and just let a guy down who I had seen several times and shut down my account. I also started hanging out with someone with whom I have become friends thanks to my brother-in-law. I may eventually come up with another nickname for him, but until then he is BIL guy. It is strange to call him BIL guy, particularly because having known my BIL and sister is apparently what was keeping us in the friend zone. Past tense. It was one of the reasons I thought possible that hanging out was staying platonic, so it was good to have confirmation that it was not one of the other possibilities.

On NYE, I met the friends with whom he hangs out regularly and also briefly interacted with other friends at the restaurant where he and I had dinner. Apparently his friends like me and think I am nice. Duh. :-) He and I cooked an amazing venison tenderloin courtesy of said friends last night (with some roasted potatoes, mushrooms, and a port wine reduction). Thanks to said friends, he is in on a wine buying deal (the friends own a restaurant) that means we had some pretty darn good wine with dinner too. I am tagging along to the next tasting where other owners in the restaurant will be...apparently including one of the N F L* players here who is from the friends' same hometown. He has also been thinking of going to Philadelphia for a night for something to do, so that will probably be happening. Cooking, laughs, hanging out, good wine, flirting, someone to warm up my hands and feet, and whatever else may come from leaving the friend zone? I'm in.

In the meantime, I will try to ignore this distraction when I need to be getting work. Speaking of distractions, I FINALLY figured out how to transfer my iToons* library and keep the play counts and ratings. I spent way too much time with this, and in the end it was simpler than I thought it was, but the help posts for iThings was not that easy to find. Anyhoo...back to work now that it is is 3:00 in the afternoon. Oiy.

* Yes they are typed funny on purpose.

Let's do this

I cleaned out my email inbox at work.

I have a course syllabus to write. And a grant.

I am psyching myself up for my second semester. At the end of last semester, I jokingly wrote on the FB, "1 semester down. Approximately 59 to go," and I joked about it at work today. Two members of my parents' generation could not believe that I would count down. I guess they took it literally! Luckily I love my job and I am NOT actually counting down to retirement, I just thought it was funny to think about. I think maybe that generation is stressed out being in their late 50s to mid 60s in the current economic climate that they find it inappropriate that I might hope to retire some day, too. Hope my parents thank me for paying my taxes and supporting their fixed income post-retirement.

My student evaluations suggest that students either thought the course and my teaching were great...or not. . The large majority think there is too much material and that lectures move too quickly. They said my grading in lab was harsh, but honestly their lab reports were not great. And they certainly picked up on the fact that as the semester progressed, I was more comfortable in class. They are so unprepared for the amount of material they need to learn though. This spring I am sitting in on the intro course, so hopefully we can improve the students' appreciation of and performance in the course and not dumb it down. It is reassuring to know the woman with whom I team taught gave me feedback throughout that was positive and/or constructive. Only up to go from here!

I ran again for the first time in a couple of weeks with new running sneakers and just as it was starting to snow. Everything about it was great except the running part. (I did it, I just refuse to like it.) I have 11 months to be able to run a half marathon and MONTHS of hot and humid weather in the middle. I will have to get my butt up early this summer to keep up the running.

I have one boy to let down and one who, I am pretty sure, is not let down.

I have some gifts to sew, including a T-shirt quilt for my mom with her red and yellow t-shirts!

I have food in my freezer I need to eat up - I started with tomatoes and spinach in a delicious bacon, black bean, and veggie soup tonight (secret ingredient = ~1/2 c of beer).

I caught up on Downton Abbey and Parenthood. I am ready for the new seasons.

2014, here I come!