Tapped

I was going to title this 'Tapped Out', but I am not quite there yet. In true form I have some work I truly need to finish tonight. I also just had a text conversation with a dear friend about how we need to catch up and said that I was sad over the weekend thinking about how I haven't been able to make time to keep up with friends [waves hi to all those friends out there], but here I am posting something so I can clear my mind and get the work done. You're welcome.

The truth is I do have down time, and it is typically spent hanging out with Bill. I did see a friend and her fiancee over the weekend because she happened to text and Bill and I were going to be walking right by their apartment. I am going on a whirlwind trip to Disney World next weekend and running 13.1 miles in the middle of the trip. Life is not entirely all work and no play.

Work is happening and good and very busy. I find myself talking with a lot of students outside of class, which is great because I think they generally think I am approachable and helpful. My summer research student frequently exclaims how much she loves me and how I always have great advice. I am particularly touched after the college chaplain emailed me with a message from a student I have a good relationship with because that student specifically asked the chaplain to tell me something.

It is a tricky balance when students like interacting with you and you want to know what all of them think and how you can help them but you have classes to prep and research to do. I said to friends at work today that I think I am spending too much time doing that because at the end of the day I have talked with a lot of students and not done much work. I end up at home at 9:00 with a bunch of work to do. I do love the student part of my job, though, and sometimes I think I would be fulfilled by a career in counseling.

Then I get an email from the college chaplain that makes me tear up (the student is/will be fine, but I am just worried), and then I realize counseling and caring about everyone all the time would be too exhausting.

Health stuff

It was spring break for me this past week. I front-loaded the fun and non-work activities, and thus have a fair amount of work to do this weekend. I started lots of these over the past few days, so I just need to finish them and move on to more stuff. Bill and I did some touristy stuff last weekend and spent a day on the couch watching movies. It was a good way to get over the cold I got just. before. break. Then we had snow and I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom. I did some yoga. I was on campus. I went to a cool private museum with co-workers. It has been a somewhat productive (but not quite productive enough) and relaxing break.

I have once again randomly chosen a primary care physician after moving for similar reasons as I have chosen in the past: close to work because I go to the doctor less often for being sick than for maintenance, a woman, friendly looking, and takes my insurance. Great way to pick, right? I have only met one of the nurse practitioners so far, and she is great, so I chose wisely. This is the first time a new doctor actually did a pregnancy test before renewing my birth control. It makes perfect sense for a doctor who has never met me to do this, and it made me surprised that this is not the norm.

She also did a full battery of blood work so it will be done for my physical. The good news is that my cholesterol is great, so I can keep eating cheese. On the other hand, apparently I am slightly hypothyroid. I wonder how long this has been true because she was looking not just at the hormones, but also an enzyme that if it is super low indicated hypothyroid and I have not noticed another doctor comment on this before. For the first time since I had my thyroid out seven years ago, my medication is changing. Let's hope this helps with some of my fatigue. I am mostly incapable of rounding up enough energy to do work after 7 p.m. My Mondays and Tuesdays are LONG days, so by Wednesday I am fried even though I get plenty of sleep.

I had not run in over a week until yesterday. Every time I thought to, I decided I did not feel like bundling up to go running when it was in the high 20s in the middle of March. Yesterday it was both daylight and 50 degrees when I got home, so I had no excuse. My legs are a bit tired this morning. I need to start increasing my mileage at some point here...

I have been taking decent care of myself until I had this for breakfast this morning.

Well, I had one full one and a small piece of all of the others.

Waistline

So, apparently the past couple of months have been good for my waistline. The 10 pounds I have unintentionally lost in the past two months could be from a variety of things. I first thought my scale may have been harmed in the move, but more and more of my skinny clothes are fitting these days, so it must be true.

Other possibilities include stress - chronic stress can cause weight gain. Perhaps the move removed some chronic stressor. I can be a stress eater, though. The move impacted this too because I was finishing up food before the move and have not built up the random food stash here yet.

Maybe it is from catching up on sleep since the move? I think I am falling behind again though. I just have that much exciting stuff going on.

I find myself hungry a lot, so it is entirely possible I have just been eating less unintentionally (again, because I have had reduced food options). I had 1 1/2 eggs (why eat two yolks?) with cheese and tomatoes and coffee yesterday morning for breakfast and I was STARVING three hours later, but that seemed like a reasonable breakfast. Last night I had a handful of almonds before meeting a former coworker of my BIL for a drink...which turned into two with no dinner. And I forgot to eat lunch last Saturday. Maybe it is skipped meals? Now that I think of it, I did not really eat a real dinner on Tuesday either.

I do not think I have been physically active enough to explain this either. Although I have been using my brain A LOT over the past couple of months as I worked on writing and starting a new job and teaching, and your brain uses a large proportion of your energy.

I have a hunch that it could be because they sent me a different generic thyroid hormone drug about two months ago. WAY back when I had my thyroid out, the doctor said with thyroid replacement they usually specify 'no substitutions' because those inactive ingredients seem to make a difference with thyroid replacement. (They probably do with other drugs too, but we can't go thinking generics and name brand drugs are different, can we?)

Whatev. As long as the pounds stay off, I will continue to be able to wear most of my clothes, which is useful between caring what I look like for work and for dates.

Mosquito arsenal

Warning, and you're welcome: random complaining about mosquito bites includes photos of my most recent.

Some of you readers may have seen the awesome reaction I sometimes get to bug bites. I do not know if mosquitoes like me more than your average human, or I have a stronger reaction to their bites, or both. According to this website, it is entirely possible that I am a cursed mosquito magnet. Regardless, this is my current arsenal for preventing and treating mosquito bites.

I also bought some citronella candles today for when I am sitting on my screened-in, but not sealed, porch to supplement the plug in bug-zapper I have.

The same website linked above suggests that fruits and veggies that are lower in potassium than others help to prevent bites. Apparently this means blueberries, apples, watermelon, cucumbers, cabbage, and green peppers instead of potatoes, prunes, raisins, spinach, bananas, lima beans, and acorn squash. Here are some more prevention suggestions, some of which are repeats so maybe that makes them better to focus on? Down the road, I will consider some of these environmental options for repelling mosquitoes.

Interestingly, I have also read a little about preventing sun burns and sun damage through your diet, and foods high in antioxidants (like blueberries! and tomatoes) can help. Maybe to prevent sunburn and mosquito bites, I should just eat lots of blueberries...

So I spray myself if I leave my apartment or screened in porch, yet this is what I end up with. You're totally welcome for the visual.

The bites on the right actually are not too bad, and I would expect them to heal in a few days if I do not scratch them.

I killed what I think was the mosquito that bit me in the left picture. I was wearing leggings and did not think it got me. Clearly I was wrong, but now it's dead and cannot do this to another person. I think this was from Wednesday night, and it looks a million times better than two days ago. I tried cortisone cream first, then oral antihistimine when that did nothing. It was still itchy, swollen, red, and hot. So for two days I have been applying cortisone cream and antibiotic ointment twice a day and keeping it covered. This has helped, but I am left with what looks like a round bruise. From experience, this could take a very long time to heal. Again, I don't know if this is an extreme inflammation from an allergic response or from an infection, but given that this happens several times a year, I think it is an inflammatory reaction to the actual mosquito. My guess is that I probably have different reactions to different species, but it's hard to compare what they look like when they are squished and your blood is all over your hand after they've sucked you dry.

My niece gets bad reactions too, so my sister and I have talked about this multiple times. DEET has worked to prevent the bites for her this year, and as much as I hate the idea of spraying DEET on myself, maybe it's time to wear long pants and shirts, spray myself with DEET, and shower every night before I go to bed. Yuck (to the DEET, not the showering).

The praying thing

If you do not pray, if you do not believe in prayer, 

then you are living off the prayers of other people.

For Ash Wednesday, our pastor had us draw these slips of paper with words written by some man whose name I do not remember. I had three, but this one stuck with me. I honestly do not know where I stand on the whole praying/faith thing. I go to church and Bible study regularly, am a confirmation mentor, and participate in my church's community outreach, but I do not think that I pray. I will probably write more about this in the near future, because I have read a few related articles and need to make the time to think and write about it.

Regardless, prayer. We prayed before going to bed when we were really young. I say the Lord's Prayer at church. Occasionally I pray during the silent prayer at church. Outside of this I often "think" of people and hope they are doing well or wish them well in my "thoughts". So I wonder what makes a thought towards someone a prayer? If I want to pray for something for myself, do I think/say, "Dear God"?

What I do know is that there are three women at church right now at different stages of treatment for breast cancer. All three are or were in the handbell choir, as am I; two of them I know pretty well. The one woman I feel closest to has a double mastectomy tomorrow for a new tumor in the same breast where she had a tumor 15 years ago. She believes in the strength of prayer, and has asked for prayers from those who do so and healing thoughts from those who do otherwise. So whatever form of thinking/praying I do is in full force these days. She is very positive when she emails and in person, although I am sure it is not easy to be so. She lives alone with her pets, and had to make the difficult decision to put her 16-year old dog to sleep two weeks ago because with surgery coming up, his failing health was too much for her to worry about. She has had to coordinate her care and transportation for the two weeks until her first post-op appointment when she'll be able to figure out if she can drive again. She may or may not have to do radiation and chemo.

This is seriously one of my worst fears about living alone. Having to rely on and coordinate so. many. people. because you do not have a partner to help with most of it if you have a serious health problem.

In spite of all this, she leaned over a couple of times in church this morning to point out that this is the last day she ever has to wear a bra in her life, and if she wants to, she can wear a prosthetic bra and choose her own cup size. She has a fairly large chest, so she said she is going for an A cup the next time around.

Climbing...then crawling.

I have wasted the last hour of my life trying to make it bearable to walk on my left foot. No joke.

Dinner is finished in the crock pot & rice cooker.
Windows are open and need to be shut because it is cold out.
The cat wants attention.
I took my contacts out and do not know where my glasses are.
I cannot walk on my left foot.

A few weeks ago I tried (indoor) rock climbing for the first time and discovered, maybe not surprisingly, that my arms are ridiculously weak. There was a weekend visiting CF and walking 50 miles since then, all with no problems. The only thing I had after walking 50 miles was a hardly note-worthy blister on one toe.

Today, I used the second climbing day from the Groupon deal. I actually made it to the top of the wall, then we tried other routes up and some bouldering before leaving. All seemed fine. Arms were expectedly tired; legs felt fine. Then a couple of hours ago I stretched my ankle and it started bothering me. I left it alone, but I think I may have over-stretched a small muscle just behind that ball on the outside of your ankle. AND HOLY HELL it hurts.

I grabbed some ice. No help.
I brought my work in from the porch so I could sit on the couch to try heat. Made it worse.
Put the ice back on and my bag sprung a leak.
I got up and popped two Aleve and a glass of water.
I tried wrapping it for compression, but had to take it right back off because it felt worse.
Laid on the floor to stretch my legs and elevate them.
That is when I had to actually crawl over to the kitchen to get the ice again, a couple of times feeling like I was nauseous or light headed.
I laid on the floor to stretch my legs over my head again.
I put the ice back on.
Crawled back over to the couch and am laying here with the ice waiting for that Aleve to do something.

I am sure you wanted to relive that with me. I cannot focus to do work right now, though, so I had to occupy myself somehow. I am seriously thinking of adding a tag to my blog: Pain. This will be the only post (hopefully).

Sometimes it is a pain in the ass to live alone.

Wish me luck. Hope my dinner tastes good.

Fast and easy...in the kitchen...

...That's what she said.

Some people may be disappointed by the ACTUAL topic of this post: Food. Recipes.

Cooking is a good sign of my mental state, I think. It means I spend some time being creative in the kitchen (again, purely in a preparing-food-sort of way). It means I do not feel pressure of trying to get something done. When I feel pressure to get something done, I usually procrastinate by cleaning/laundry (as can be seen in this previous check list). But thanks to finishing a draft of my manuscript, I can spend some time in the kitchen!

Without further ado, I bring you 'Fast AND Easy' first.

This was brilliantly inspired for by my sister. Even though her kids will DEVOUR sushi and raw shell fish, they are surprisingly picky about every-day food. This, they were happy to eat.

Ramen makes a good base for dinner. In college, I would add in some broccoli when the Ramen was cooking, then add the flavor packet and cooked chicken to the drained noodles & broccoli. I can tell you that this suped-up version is way better than that.

Fast and Easy Ramen - 10 minutes, From the kitchen of Jenski's sister
(Scale up as needed)
Ingredients: Eggs, Ramen, premade coleslaw (or broccoli slaw!) mix
Whisk an egg
Cook Ramen per package instructions
After noodles cook 3 minutes, coax them aside and stir continuously as you add egg(s).
Add a handful of coleslaw mix from the grocery store and as much of the flavor packet as you would like.
Vary as needed/desired.
Serve up your egg noodle soup!

I had a red pepper that needs to be eaten, so I added some of that. I used half a flavor packet and added a couple spoonfuls of curry sauce, and only an egg white because I had eggs for breakfast. When my sister and her kids were here, we also added some sriracha to spice it up. The permutations are endless and easy!

                                               
Second, I bring you 'Easy'. I could add 'Healthy' to that too. The reasons I made this were three-fold:
1.) I have searched out tomatoes in a jar to no avail where I live. Sure, tomatoes come in a can. You know what else comes in canned tomatoes? BPA*. I am happy to have my own source of tomatoes with less BPA.
2.) My town has a pathetic excuse for a farmer's market. The man who tries to get vendors has a smoothie truck there every week. They FINALLY have other food and products, but he is the one manning the veggies for the farmers still! Because I had commented a couple of weeks in a row on the FB page, I felt I needed to go. Well I did. And then bought organic tomatoes for $12/pound. I appreciate fewer chemicals. I do not have an income that allows for costly tomatoes, no matter how delicious or chemical free. Therefore, the tomatoes must go to GOOOOOOOD use.
3.) Ridiculously easy tomato sauce in your crockpot.

Before

 After

My variations on Bean's recipe were few.

Crockpot tomato sauce
Chopped onions
Chopped tomatoes
Pressed garlic
Dried oregano (~1 tsp)
Dried basil (~1 tsp)
Dried thyme (~1/2 tsp)
Salt
Pepper
Sugar (~1 Tbsp, or I added agave syrup)
And I added some chopped carrot and olive oil too.

Mix. Cook on low in crock pot for 8 to 12 hours. I then blended it (which you probably would not need to do if you peeled the tomatoes). Blending it would probably let you hide other veggies in the sauce too though (more carrots than I added, pepper, a little squash...).

Made me wish I had a submersion blender. Then I put the sauce in glass jars with space at the top and stuck them in the freezer. If my sister-in-law and I lived closer together, I would have recruited her canning expertise.

FYI, SIL, At some point I envision a massive canning experience:
Make something in the crock pot overnight. Can in the morning. Set up the crock pot with something else. Can stuff like pickles throughout the day. Can the crock pot recipe #2 at night.

What else did I do between the end of work yesterday and lounging on my couch tonight? Walked 5.5 miles two times, tried indoor rock climbing for the first time, read a National Geographic, made the above recipes, ran some errands, and photographed the sunset. Again.

* If you have not heard of BPA, it is something used in plastics. It is also in those white cavity fillings and receipts. I could write a whole bunch about BPA. I did research on it before I started grad school, and can tell you that prenatal exposure affects mammary gland and neuro-endocrine development (otherwise known as boobs and brains). YOUR exposure to BPA can affect you, your children, and your grandchildren. I figure if I can minimize my exposure, might as well!

My "garden"

I started off this spring with a mess of a porch. This is actually after I had picked some stuff up! There is a Christmas tree, a chair from my old neighbor with paint peeling off. Cushions. Bags of potting soil.

Inside the screen-in part, I finally got a table that I was putting together here. There was an ancient air conditioner that I finally sold on Craigslist. (I may be sorry about that, but I think I can get a more energy efficient one now.)

Then I potted some things super early in these great felt pots my parents gave me for my birthday. They are supposed to be good for root growth, because they breath. Who knows! There is cilantro, lettuce seeds you cannot see, a tomato plant and basil plants. (For the record, they were COMPLETELY full of soil when I planted them, and it has all settled down.)

 Then I added some (edible) flowers and a pepper plant and moved the plants outside.

I planted violas (Johnny jump-ups), and those flowers have a very mild sweet flavor. I also planted nasturtium, whose leaves and flowers have a spicy flavor. Adds a little color to a salad!

 Fortuitous shot when I was watering the pots and water got caught in the nasturtium leaf.

I even planted the rest of the cat grass that the cat does not eat. She has sniffed it a couple of times, and I have put some in her food, but she could not care less.

This is my garden just a few minutes ago! My tomato and basil plants are in the top, then a pepper and a viola, then cilantro, lettuce, and a nasturtium, and in the bottom, more nasturtium (and BOY are they growing!), two cucumbers that are finally growing, and violas.

I also had the other post-doc in the lab over and we did some painting of that yellow chair in the top photo and a table that was holding the AC up. At some point when I vacuum the screened in part and have it all set up with the chairs out, I will take another photo.

Argh

I need to just decide about a few things right now so I can stop thinking about them:

Drive or fly back East this summer? I was all geared up to fly, but then I start thinking about traipsing all over the place. Then I start thinking about renting a car to do said traipsing. Then I think that is silly, and public transport could take me everywhere. Then I think think THAT is silly because I HAVE a car and public transport sucks up precious time. I have done the drive (alone) a couple of times. I would have my car, no baggage fees, and could get around whenever and wherever I please! If I fly, I get there in half the time; if I drive, I take the time I would spend on public transport and stick on my drive on both sides. Minimum I have to get from Boston to Rhode Island for a wedding. Ideally, I would also head to the Cape & MV to hang out with my parents and sister's family. Never mind seeing as many friends as possible and maybe professional visits too.

Stay a couple of days after my meeting in June to see CF or no? This should be a no-brainer, but last time I visited him right after my birthday, as far as I can tell, he had dinner planned after he picked me up from the airport, and that was it. I will not go into all of the things that frustrate me about our relationship (or lack there of), but it leaves me with no motivation to miss those days of work.

Make a doctor's appointment or no? Really the answer is yes. My hip has been bothering me for months, and a month of yoga has done nothing. It feels like it is not in the joint right. An improvement from when it started in the fall and felt like something was pinching every time I took a step. Maybe I should have made an appointment back then? Don't answer that... I also get 7 to 8 hours of sleep a night and am exhausted. (and I have been exercising and eating well and all that good stuff.) I kinda wonder if when my generic thyroid medicine changing (because I forgot to remind the doc to write "no substitutions") has affected my energy and mood. It is difficult to tell when there is enough stuff going on besides the thyroid replacement to explain the fatigue and stress.

I think I just talked myself into driving back East and that I REALLY should make that doctor's appointment at least...

Random weirdness

I do not often remember the anniversary of my thyroidectomy. I do remember to take my replacement hormone daily, like I am menopausal, only not. Yesterday there was something on the radio about an executive at some bank or company that did something stupid who is 'retiring'. One reason cited was that he was recently diagnosed with thyroid cancer. Now I was lucky in the sense that I did not have to undergo the radio-therapy after my surgery, but I have a close friend who did for different reasons, and then there is VW's story that I read too. So I hope no one takes offense at this, but thyroid cancer is the MOST curable cancer. In a medical sense, NBD. Of course as surgery, recovery, isolation during treatment, cancer anniversaries, etc. go, it is a big deal.

What really reminded me of this though, was that I just went to rub my neck and can BARELY FEEL MY SCAR. It has been a little over 4 years, and I can still see it faintly, sure. Right after I had surgery I met a man with much darker skin than mind who barely had a scar just months after his surgery. It bothered me because I took REALLY good care of mine - lotion, sunscreen, it never burned, etc. - and I figured this meant mine would always be super visible. It is true that these scars fade though. :-) Maybe a metaphor for all life's scars?

Healthify

This buffalo chicken dip I made is DELICIOUS and also by no means healthy. I also have quite a bit left over from the football game that shall not be discussed. I thought about making a buffalo chicken grilled cheese, but one could easily argue that's even less healthy. I thought I would just put lettuce on it to make it healthy.

BUT, then I realized I could just cook up some cauliflower in the microwave in a quick 7 minutes on high (mix half way through), chop it up smaller with a spoon, top with some buffalo chicken dip, and heat. With a side of half a cucumber, I figure that is a lot healthier than some of my other options.

Plus I ran today. It was 45 degrees when I got home, so I had to get outside. I usually go by time and not distance. I ran 19 minutes and fast walked 24 minutes. If it was 45 degrees year round, I thought I might, one day, down the road, after lots of hateful words, sorta become a runner. In the meantime, I will just resent the fact that it is probably the cheapest fastest way to try to get back in shape a bit. Add to that this easy ab/arm addition, and maybe I can get rid of this little belly...and make my back stop hurting...and make my hip stop hurting...

...Maybe I'm just getting old.

Close but no cigar

I may have a scar across my neck, but I consider myself lucky that I do not suffer from morning sickness or migraines like some of my friends. These are just the two I can think of because of my weekend. The lessons I learned:

1. Do not forget to take your birth control. (Particularly you men out there. Hah!) Not because you'll get pregnant and have morning sickness, rather, in the past, I have ended up taking the forgotten pill and the regular pill too close together and wake up throwing up and/or nauseous. Not pleasant.

2. If you have an unbearable headache, just take the meds. Don't try water, caffeine, and alcohol first. If you do, you may end up sleeping for three hours on the couch during the rare Red Sox broadcast (through Big Papi's 300th home run!) only to go to bed and wake up 12 hours later in the morning with a headache.

Off to the medicine cabinet for those meds.

9 months

As much as I would only freak out briefly if I were to have a little bundle of joy in 9 months (and then probably be really happy about it, I am not starting a 9 month experience, but rather finishing one. I finally got a clean bill of cornea health from the eye doctor yesterday and he gave me contacts! Woohoo! It is strange to look around and not see the frames of my glasses. I am trying one-day disposables for dry eyes and am happy to report that day 2 is going well and my eyes are not angry with me for sticking things in them again.

I was really excited about having contacts yesterday when I got back from the ophthalmologist. (That is just a fun word to say.) I made some comment that a corneal ulcer was the most painful thing I have ever experienced. My grad student (the good student) made some comment about corneal ulcers versus childbirth. I have no experience in the latter, but would certainly not wish a corneal ulcer on anyone.

Generic?

Generic prescription drugs are often argued to be the same as the name brand. When I had my thyroid removed, I asked the doctor why they prescribe a particular replacement hormone over another, and he said no particular reason, but when a patient is on a specific name and dose that works, they do not like to play around with it. He mentioned that "inactive" ingredients can change how a drug is absorbed or works. When I specifically ask doctors to write "no substitutions" for my levoxyl, they all reiterate that with thyroid medication, they particularly do that.

So why is thyroid medication special? In theory, if one thyroid substitution has the same amount of active ingredient as another, they should act the same. Yet physicians seem to believe otherwise.

I always thought my birth control was the generic. Apparently there is a generic-generic. Any woman out there taking hormones probably has experiences some side effect of birth control - migraines and weight gain are common. After 2 months on the generic-generic though, I have lost 4 pounds.

May not sound like much over 4 months, except that I am far from trying to lose weight. When I was having eye problems, I was not going to the gym and have only been averaging twice a week since, I have not changed eating habits at all. Other things I have noticed are that my hair has stopped brekaing/falling out and I am not as tired as I used to be. Now, all of these could have to do with adequate sleep; being productive at work, but not working too much; an end to the chronic stress of graduate school; different water (seriously, my water is really hard and full of iron); more dairy in my diet (lots of people say dairy fat can help with weight loss); quiet at night in the winter, and peepers at night now rather than all cars and sirens; or different inactive ingredients in my prescription drugs...who knows?