It's so bad I have to post

Man, this day just keeps piling it on. And while none of these things seems all that bad in the grand scheme of things, they're added on to my growing anxiety about my current institution and constant internal dialogues about what to do with my job.

After an hour of my floor vibrating and finally needing to get some work done, I went downstairs and got the door slammed in my face when I politely and not out of the blue asked my neighbor to turn the base down on their music. They sort of have.

My senior colleague tells me I need to take some time to relax and maintain denial of the impending semester like everyone else. Keep in mind we were back on contract last Monday and classes start in a week (I have a 10-month contract), and he hasn't been in yet. I've taken a total of 5 week-days away from campus this summer and checked my email during those days. My job is not important enough, nor was I on contract or get paid enough, to necessitate me checking my email in the summer. I wish I didn't feel so responsible to my job.

Romeo is trying to figure out how NOT to have jury duty. Now, I absolutely strongly believe that everyone who can absolutely should do jury duty. It irritates me to no end when people complain about having jury duty. (I have post ideas about privilege, don't you worry...) BUT, he does not have any type of job for which he will get paid when he has jury duty. I do not think think that jury duty should cause someone to lose pay, which then impacts their ability to pay bills and buy food, for example. We've been dating for 6 months, and I live in a different county from him. Want to take bets on what his idea for getting out of jury duty is? I'll find out for sure tomorrow after he looks into some stuff, but I'm guessing it involves him "living with me".

Such a rough life, right? Still feel the floor vibrating...still have work to do on this Sunday afternoon...

I'll leave this on a positive note though: I'm as sure as I can be without the final official email that a grant proposal I submitted last October will be funded. That happens and I'm going to get all high and mighty on my administration and colleagues and do whatever the hell I want in my job! (Obviously continue to do my job and be successful, but screw feeling like I *should* do something when I'm contributing significantly to the operating budget, supporting my research students outside of the college budget, giving the institution significant clout as a small college, etc.) I may even have a potential full-time research technician ready to go.

I promise the next post will be all about the things I love and do to have a fulfilling life.

A quickie*

I went from thinking my life was boring, to being a little more busy than I wanted, to I think settling in to a good level of busy.

On one hand, Romeo is a great reason to stay productive and free up my free time. On the other hand, he's had car issues, and we haven't seen each other since the weekend. Yes, I do own a car that I drive. We will need to discuss his reluctance to have me over...not sure if it's the area of the city he lives in, the fact that he has a roommate (his cousin), or what, but dude, (pseudo-TMI warning) a girl can't go from seeing you and non-quickie time together (vague but you get it???) several times a week to this many days off?!

The Ex texts me today that he misses my nose ring, to which I responded that that's weird because it's still there. Turns out he misses my face, is drinking at the bar, just filed for legal separation from his wife, and wants to get back together. Whaaaat. Sorry, yo. I'm working on something better with someone who regularly tells me that he wants to spend time with me, I'm great (and he's great), and is a little more grounded than you. Almost 10 years post-break-up, good to know I still have a back-up plan if Romeo doesn't work out. {insert eye rolling}

Work has its great parts and its frustrating parts. I'm trying to distance myself from much of the work socializing because it is largely complaining and gossiping and not relaxing at all. Several times I have opted for a quick lunch and a walk in the sun instead. My colleagues certainly notice, but I put in enough socializing time to largely be "excused", in the sense of still being perceived as part of the team (I think). Many of the students seek out my advice, which is great and flattering. Unfortunately they aren't my official advisees and I don't get "credit" for that time. Yesterday I spent between 60 and 90 minutes advising students who are not my advisees. That adds up. A lot. I need to speak to my chair about getting these students assigned to me so that I get "credit" for it. Good news is, the students generally love me. Not sure if it is because they perceive me as "younger" or that I am just better at this part of being a professor than some of my colleagues.

*No pun intended. This is intended to be a quickie post for my fans**.

**If I still have fans after my posting hiatus. ;-)

When one door closes another opens

Out on the porch the fly strip is
Waving like a flag in the wind
You know I really don't look forward
To seeing you again
You look like a photograph of yourself
Taken from far far away
And I won't know what to do
And I won't know what to say
Except fuck you

~Ani DiFranco

So tonight I saw the ex of long ago to whom I sent a text about a month ago. He emailed me less than a week ago saying he would be in town today and his friend was also here for a conference. So he wanted to take us out to dinner. And could he stay at my place. Two bottles of wine and wonderful dinner later, he decided to stay at the hotel with his friend.

After being so insistent about staying here (and my insistence that he tell his wife where he was staying...), it was strange. I would like to believe that after dinner (which involved me sending a few texts to Romeo), reference to the World Series winning game he let me watch alone in 2004 (which apparently he still feels super guilty about even though I was laughing about it), and his friend suggesting a couple of times that he stay at the hotel made him *finally* realize he needs to let us go? A slightly longish hug good-bye and his melancholy face suggested that may be the case.

A pretty big part of me wants to know why he changed his mind about staying at my place.

The other pretty big part just keeps thinking about Romeo and having this work out with him. Seriously. If there is any relationship I need to move on from still, it would be with CF, but this experience tonight with the ex-ex(-ex, if you count Bill now!) made me feel pretty strongly that even though I don't know Romeo that well (but I do know his last name now!!), I have this feeling that even if we don't agree on something I think we could talk about it and come to some agreement, or that our middle-children Aries personalities are enough alike and understanding of each other that strong opinions would not cause actual arguments. There is just something. And I just keep fending off thoughts that somehow I have invested too much hope in it all.

Recuperating

This week marked my first illness-related absence from my current job.

I went for a run after work on Monday, given the lovely spring weather here. My GPS and my foot were both messed up, so I kept it short. I headed home, made plans to make dinner and feed Birthday Twin (hereafter known as BT*?), then promptly puked three times after I started making dinner. Luckily BT hadn't made it to far in the car, and I could tell him to turn around. (Sadly, this has ended up meaning we have not seen each other all week, and I can tell you that is a real shame.) I finished making dinner, put it in the fridge, and passed out on the couch for 2 hours. Then woke up and went to bed. THEN (because I know you're enjoying the play-by-play), I stayed home yesterday with a fever that went down mid-afternoon. On one hand, I've said multiple times I wish I would get sick and have a reason to cancel class. On the other hand, I didn't have any classes to teach yesterday, so it was a waste of a "sick day" (not that I have some set number of sick days...I think...).

My recuperation consisted of getting up normal time for work, emailing a couple of people that I was sick and not coming in, then watching the series finale of Downton Abbey. Its ending made me pleased and was essentially what I was hoping. Then I slept on the couch for a couple of hours.

I ran in to work to get work, since I figured I would still need to prep class. I stopped and got some raspberry sherbert on the way home, because nothing says childhood fever to me like some raspberry sherbert. I seriously think that was the magic that made my fever go down over the afternoon. I managed to prep a bit for class and finish grading some exams! Then I went to bed at 9:00.

Factors contributing to my recovery from the weird <24 event:="" flu-like="" hour="" p="">

• Downton Abbey!
• ~20 hours of sleep in ~36 hour period.
• Only puking those initial times and not continuing. I hate throwing up.
• 2 advil.
• One of my favorite students (who are we kidding? we all have favorites...) earning 100% on the exam I was grading. This was 11 points above the next highest test! She was beside herself today. It was amazing.
• I got my impact score back from a research proposal I submitted in the fall. It is in the solid "excellent" range. I don't want to get too hopeful, but cross your fingers I get real grant funding!!! I'm mostly excited that this would mean I could hire a technician and pay myself for the two months per year not covered by my contract. Game changers.
• BT. [Warning: here comes train of unedited thoughts.] I really want to know how this will go. I think after a couple more weeks I will either need to pull the plug before getting too attached, or it will just have to be the real thing. He may not have a choice. My college roommies (with whom I conclaved** this weekend) were (rightly) amazed? appalled? surprised? all of the above? that I do not know BT's last name. In the words of one of said roommies, "It never came up!" Sadly, my illness got in the way of seeing him this week because then we both had other conflicts. But the text conversations. Oh, the text conversations! The "When can I see you again?", "I want them all" in response to my free nights next week, a Harry Potter marathon that would get him into my SIL's good graces, "You're worth it" in response to making him wait (and to which I responded that he's a smart man). Oh, he's funny too! Me - "I guess meteorologists care." Him - "Yeah, so like 50 people."
• On a related note, the other guys I have had more communication with or gone on a couple of dates with have sorta faded out. NBD. We'll see how BT works out and reevaluate if necessary.
• I inspired a friend to try some online dating, & so far it's been good for her too! Yay!

Okay...now back to work....

*BT is the IRL nickname of one of Bill's friends. So if you think of a better nickname for the current boy, do let me know.

** The 6 of us who lived together senior year in college live within a 4-hour driving range since I moved back east. SUPER doable. We have been getting together about twice a year. It's amazing. The first time was when the last papal conclave was occurring, and we had a new member who has since married into our 'family' who we joked would be voted on at our conclave.

***Conclave story 2 that has no reference above. I jokingly asked my friends if they had secretly voted Bill out, and I just hadn't known it. One**** responded that because I seemed indifferent, they were indifferent and didn't even bother. I think my friends may know me better than I know myself sometimes...

****OMG, that friend is getting married in October and I. CANNOT. WAIT.

Thanks

Thank you, attractive vendor at the craft show, for watching me pass by.

Thank you friend with whom I recently caught up after too long for your encouraging words re: lots of stuff.

Thank you, colleague, for mentioning how much it bugged you that the student who was house sitting put the mugs back differently and that bothered you. It made me really realize I cannot live alone for the rest of my life.

Thank you, Director of Res Life, for letting me know you hear good things about me from the students!

Thank you, College Chaplain, for introducing me to students as being wonderful.

Thank you, online dating site users, for filling up my social calendar. You have good tastes (in me!).

Thank you, local friends, for getting excited about my stories.

Full circle

Many years ago, when I first thought it was a good idea to start a blog, I was venturing into online dating as a way to just start doing things and getting out there. So, it was my sixth post, but still. It meant I didn't have to repeat stories for those friends to whom I gave the link. Well. I may have recently embarked on my third round of this approach to reentering the dating scene/getting out there and doing things. But first, I bring you letters to people (a la Stephanie whose letters I greatly enjoy reading)!


Dear Bill,

I ate the box of your favorite Girl Scout cookies and drank the case of your favorite beer and sold the ticket to the beer fest I had for your birthday (now past). Your loss. Enjoy NYC.

Ex-Jenski



Dear fellow faculty,

Grow up.

Best,
Your fave junior colleague



Dear Ex,

I know I started this. I will likely regret it, but since I love this song and think this exact point most times I hear it, the wine I had with friends tonight "made" me send the first text. (Me on the right; he on the left.)

Jenski

P.S. Isn't it amazing that Amazon Prime knew to play 'Someone like you' soon after? Sometimes I just think FML to myself.



Dear friends/family (internet and otherwise),

Feel free to judge re: previous letter (spelling/purpose/whatev.). Seriously. I'm judging myself right now.

XOXO,
Jenski



Dear friend,

You were spot on when you said you hoped CF wouldn't break my heart but you were afraid or knew he already had. I think I'm still recovering quite honestly.

XOXO,
Ex-roomy




Sometimes you have to just get wine drunk on a Thursday night before you teach the next day...

Whoa

So. It's been nearly 7 months since I last posted. I (think I) will not try to do some major recap or anything, because that would probably be mostly for me? Many of you know bits and pieces of the last 7 months of my life through the FB, Instagram, seeing me, etc. You readers who may still have this pop up on your bloglist have had your own wonderful, awful, and/or average life things happen over these past months.

....

I started this post a couple of days ago, but didn't know where else to go with it. The title was actually in reference to the 7 months since the last post. I am inspired to post it and a random hodge podge of things though, because I found out on the ever trusty face book that my most faithful commentor, Ron, passed away at work yesterday. I never asked how Ron found my blog, but it was likely from my early days of blogging when I would wander around blogland reading and commenting. Once, I posted about being googleable, and Ron was up to the challenge and ended up tracking me down on the face book. My ex thought it was weird Ron and I were friends on FB (but NOT that my other ex kept trying to stay in touch with me). I never met him in real life despite driving back and forth near his homebase several times. He was always ready with an obviously ridiculous comment on posts on the FB, and kind in blogland. He struggled with his life, but was a good person.

It is strange, because I lost my last living grandparent in the spring right before my birthday, but was not inspired to post about that loss. To be fair, I have thought of posting many, MANY times in these seven months, so maybe I will just start working through thoughts of race, relationships, academia, etc.?

In the meantime, I have recommitted to running, or at least am trying. Also eating more fruits and vegetables and less carbs. I am trying to be at least active in an intentional way every day starting last week (although on Saturday I got a mani-pedi instead...) and be aware of what I am eating (logging everything for 7 days to truly see if I eat the way I think I do).

I will leave you with some recipes I have tried recently that are TOTAL wins:

Earl-grey tea cake with rhubarb cream cheese icing I made to watch the last couple of episodes of Outlander with friends...who ended up canceling because they needed to finish packing for their impending trips to Europe. For the record, I brought it to work and did not eat it all myself!

Coconut raspberry dark chocolate muffins that happen to be vegan, paleo, low-carb, and grain free. A coworker picked me two pints of raspberries (and blueberries!), so I was using a handful of them up.

A delicious banana bread recipe I made vegan (by substituting "flax egg" for real egg) and roasted the bananas for because they were not very ripe. This one I made vegan because one of my summer research students is vegan and had her wisdom teeth out last week, so I promised to bake something she could eat before that happened. The cranberries were a surprisingly good touch!

Last, but not least, a zucchini crust for a "pizza". There is a comment that it is "quiche-like", which I would buy. It comes out a little floppy, but relatively sturdy to hold stuff up. Obviously if you were to dare to attempt feed this to children you should NOT use the word "pizza", because pizza it is not. I actually made it with summer squash that the same coworker who donated the raspberries brought in for me. I also used two eggs instead of egg substitute and then added a tablespoon of flax meal and did not use the suggested toppings. If you have seen any of my recipe posts, you will know that I frequently mess around with recipes though....

....

So thanks, Ron, for inspiring me in your absence to post again. Sorry there was not any bacon in the recipes...although that would be tasty on the "pizza"! I'll be interested to see if you entrusted someone to take down your blog when you were gone...

Maybe I'll keep up the blogging....

(...or maybe just reposting links to old posts I never want to forget.)

There is this

It has been a long fall. I have emails (personal, not work) in the queue I haven't responded to (sorry, sis), I've run some, I've has some student who I wish were not dealing with what they are dealing with, I'm still dating (maybe more on this word choice later), I have made great friends and close close aquaintences here, I am going to see Dar Williams this weekend (Woohoo!), and I have six weeks with no classes starting very soon (to be clear, this does NOT mean six weeks off). There is still this though:

Bill: When do you want to go see the movie 'the interview'?
Jenski: Don't you mean 'the theory of everything'?
Bill: Double feature!
Jenski: That would be quite the funny date night.
Bill:It'll be an upper and a downer.
Jenski: But if we go to that theater where we go, we can sneak in a bottle of wine!
Bill: I'll wear baggy pants.
Jenski: That's what winter coats are for.
Bill: True. Cold weather is smuggling weather.
Jenski: I wonder why we don't hear more about those Canadians {Sorry, Spark} smuggling drugs, alcohol, people, and exotic pets into the country?
Bill: Because they sail down Lake Michigan which is full of scoundrels.
Jenski: Corrupt Wisconsinites!
Bill: Exactly! They love cheese and crime.
Jenski: We're funny.
Bill: Haha. Yup.

Tapped

I was going to title this 'Tapped Out', but I am not quite there yet. In true form I have some work I truly need to finish tonight. I also just had a text conversation with a dear friend about how we need to catch up and said that I was sad over the weekend thinking about how I haven't been able to make time to keep up with friends [waves hi to all those friends out there], but here I am posting something so I can clear my mind and get the work done. You're welcome.

The truth is I do have down time, and it is typically spent hanging out with Bill. I did see a friend and her fiancee over the weekend because she happened to text and Bill and I were going to be walking right by their apartment. I am going on a whirlwind trip to Disney World next weekend and running 13.1 miles in the middle of the trip. Life is not entirely all work and no play.

Work is happening and good and very busy. I find myself talking with a lot of students outside of class, which is great because I think they generally think I am approachable and helpful. My summer research student frequently exclaims how much she loves me and how I always have great advice. I am particularly touched after the college chaplain emailed me with a message from a student I have a good relationship with because that student specifically asked the chaplain to tell me something.

It is a tricky balance when students like interacting with you and you want to know what all of them think and how you can help them but you have classes to prep and research to do. I said to friends at work today that I think I am spending too much time doing that because at the end of the day I have talked with a lot of students and not done much work. I end up at home at 9:00 with a bunch of work to do. I do love the student part of my job, though, and sometimes I think I would be fulfilled by a career in counseling.

Then I get an email from the college chaplain that makes me tear up (the student is/will be fine, but I am just worried), and then I realize counseling and caring about everyone all the time would be too exhausting.

Holy Moly!

It's been a bit of time since I last posted, and this one is sure to disappoint. By all means, you few readers are welcome to let me know what I should be writing about or what you've wondered I've been up to. I've been busy, and life is good. So I'm here to share with you conversations I still have with the Ex about once a year. This is from yesterday/today.

Him: I'll be in your city soon. Want to meet up for dinner??
Me: No thanks.
Him: Boo. Really? {insert FB 'sticker' to indicate frustrated emotion} I respect your decision, but wish we could be friends

[This is not the first time he has said that...and a mere 12 hours later he follows up, so I'm not sure what his version of 'respecting my decision' means.]

Him: BTW, why don't you want to hang out? We've both had significant others since we dated. Doesn't that mean we can be friends now?
Me: I have enough friends and don't need reminders of failed relationships. I've thought about them enough. Why do you keep pushing it every so often over the years when I keep saying no?

[You're all asking yourselves right about now why I'm engaging in this conversation, right? Me too.**]

Him: Okay. I give up. I "keep pushing it" because I want to reconnect with an old friend and hope you've gotten over it now since it's been almost 10 years and you've had other relationship. {insert FB sticker to indicate confused emotion.}
Me: Sure, I've gotten over it and moved on, which is why I'm happy with the friends I have.

And I leave you with that to ponder. We've had this 'conversation' before.

Off to spend the day drinking beer with the guy I'm actually dating, to be followed tomorrow morning with my first running race ever (a 5k on campus) so that I can at least have a race experience once before doing 13.1 miles next month. Ack! I need to come up with a running plan for the next few weeks. I've done 10.4 so I'm not too worried, but would like to do at least a 12 or 13 mile run before then.

[**I do have his phone number blocked so he cannot text me. Not sure if he realizes that or not. He doesn't email. Now every so often he'll send a FB message. Why haven't I unfriended him? Because I don't want the email asking, "Why, Jenski, why?" Although now that I write that, an email would be easier to ignore...]

Where did June go?

Time flies when you're super busy! I do not really have time to post right now because I have some emails to write and a grant proposal to work on. I was inspired to share a couple of things though, like text conversations with Bill that make me laugh. He is on the left; I am on the right.

I went to a workshop where there were lupine...

...jellyfish...

...and lots of fun and good connections made. I also got to see friends and family before and after the workshop, which is always a plus!

There are other things I could write about, but maybe when things slow down after my proposal deadline? Famous last words - after that deadline is an undergrad research day with my summer student and after that I have four weeks to plan a seminar course and catch up on all the other teaching ideas I have had. It would be nice to read a book for fun too....

That's it!

I have a couple of posts in draft form, a grant to write, my sister's birthday to follow up on (it's on my list, Aim!), a long weekend with my parents I could post about, a conference tomorrow.

But I heard this song on the radio on my way home. I teared up and had one of those aha! moments.

This is why I hesitate to risk putting myself out there.

Girl can you tell me
the one thing you'd rather die than lose?
'Cause mine would be you.
Mine would be you.

When I heard these final lines in the song, I thought that I have felt that way before, and I don't feel like that was reciprocated. Maybe my actions did not exhibit the emotion behind them enough? I do not really know, but I am not sure that someone has felt this way about me, and I teared up. [To be fair, I bet that my high school boyfriend did feel this way, but given our young age, didn't know how to fight for us and get my 19-year-old-self to grow up.]

When this song came out, the whole thing made me cry. Then, when I stopped being angry and hurt about my last relationship, I would hear it wish that someone felt (or acted) this way for me; it gave me a sense of longing. Now, apparently, it does what I am sure therapy could have done two years ago and gave me a chance to articulate why I shy away from the possibility of another relationship.

Music is cheaper than therapy.

Aging

A couple of weeks ago I entered a new age bracket. I now have to check off "35-44 years old" when I fill out surveys in an attempt to win $1500 for praising the clearance section when filling out the the survey from the bottom of a Target receipt.

I remember coming up with interesting things to post about with regards to another year under my belt. I am getting older, though, and I forget what those interesting things were. Just kidding. Well, not really. I do think I have forgotten, but it has been nearly a month since I posted, so I am sure I can come up with something you all care to read about....

So the big 3-5.

...I got some presents...

...and used them...

 ...(Not pictured: chocolate, sneakers, wine cork decorative container, handheld vacuum.) Yes, I took a picture of a fried egg.

OH. Speaking of eggs. Here is a good conversation a BFF and I had. (This was totally a stream of consciousness-like post. My brain makes connections that are just this clever.)

Friend: Hey, Jenski, how's life?
Jenski: Great. Here's what's new, etc., etc. What's new with you?
Friend: Oh, not much. The boyfriend still hasn't finished grad school. I also called with a weird question. Have you ever thought about freezing your eggs?
Jenski: No. As in, right now I can't imagine feeling like I would ever want to freeze my eggs.
{Insert conversation about aging and fertility.}

Actually, I guess relationships and family are the biggest thing I think about when I think about aging. At 35 years old, I do not actually FEEL old, but when I think about life, I think that I am slowly running out of time for certain things. Now that I am on the topic, why don't I turn this post into that?

After a somewhat lengthy discussion on the topic, it comes down to this: She assumes she will have fertility problems, and given certain situations and family, I do not assume I will. I would love to have children, but given my last relationship, prioritizing my current career given relationship failures, and my age, I have also come to terms with the fact that it may not happen. I used to worry about boogers and puke; now I wonder how I would be able to teach a 3-hour lab starting at 8:30 a.m. if my child is up with the flu all night. I am also completely open to falling in love with a child who was not my biological child if that is what is in the cards. While it was a bit tongue-in-cheek, if my child is already potty trained and sleeps through the night when they become my child, who am I to complain? (Right now) I do not need to mess with my body, inject myself with hormones, and have a bunch of my eggs harvested and frozen to be happy with my life. This is what feels right to me right now, but you never know what life will bring, right?

It is also frustrating to know I am getting older and have people tell me that I am "so" young (because I am the youngest in my department). While I do not feel OLD, I know I am not YOUNG.

Now that I have that off my chest, I will try to post again soon with more interesting things....

FYI, my birthday also entailed going out to a great dinner with Bill (and a future weekend away somewhere TBD), some flowers from a coworker's garden, and lots of "Happy birthdays!" in the form of FB posts and texts from friends and family. It is not so bad getting older. :-)

Relationships

This is not about the romantic type of relationships, but the friend type.

I have struggled to get stuff done so I could get my research set up this year and head back to my post-doc lab to retrieve some reagents. Plan A was to go back Thanksgiving. Plan B was winter break. Plan C was spring break. I had reached various states of anxiety over this time, thinking I would never get my research going. Each time I would chill out because this is my first year and my teaching is going fine and I will have a summer student and I have been engaged on campus. I am at a small liberal arts college. These are the real expectations. (As a matter of fact, my department chair gave me a heads up that he's supposed to write a progress letter for my file but it wasn't at the top of his list because the department has no concerns about me, but that he would get to it eventually.)

At the beginning of mid-March, I FINALLY finalized dates for a technician come to set up the system I inherited from my post-doc lab that required some plumbing and electric work in my future lab that I had waited a couple of months for facilities to get done. My Plan D trip back to my post-doc lab is now Easter Weekend.

Even though I had touched base with friends over the past 6 months and held my imminent visit (see Plans A through C above) out like a carrot in front of a rabbit, I could actually tell them I was definitely coming! They all got excited and so am I. There have been some snags in getting my lab ready to make it possible to bring stuff back, but even if I can't do it for my research, I have decided that I will still go to see everyone.

I miss my friends there. I was sadder to leave than I would have thought, given the reason for my moving there and the outcome of that relationship. I am so excited to see them (plus a baby that has arrived since I left!) in a couple of weeks. On a related note, I finally unfriended CF on the face book. I was working up to it and frankly wanted to do it before my impending birthday so that he would notice. I am awful. :-)

This has also made me think about various friendships I have made over the years. Friendships that are stronger than others. Once stronger friendships that have faded. Friendships that make for fun times when schedules and travel plans match up. Friendships that make me happy about my life choices, despite any difficult times that coincided. Old friends to whom I am geographically closer now and as a result made new friendships, thanks to my friends having significant others. New friendships where I live now that I would miss if I left my new home (absolutely no plans to do so, though), and surprise that as much as I like to sit at home and drink beer and watch TV, that those friendships developed in 6 months.

Sometimes, and honestly sometimes quite often, I miss things I do not have in my life, nor ever have, that others do. But in reality, I have made choices about my life and the things that I do about which I am happy and make me happy regardless.

Health stuff

It was spring break for me this past week. I front-loaded the fun and non-work activities, and thus have a fair amount of work to do this weekend. I started lots of these over the past few days, so I just need to finish them and move on to more stuff. Bill and I did some touristy stuff last weekend and spent a day on the couch watching movies. It was a good way to get over the cold I got just. before. break. Then we had snow and I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom. I did some yoga. I was on campus. I went to a cool private museum with co-workers. It has been a somewhat productive (but not quite productive enough) and relaxing break.

I have once again randomly chosen a primary care physician after moving for similar reasons as I have chosen in the past: close to work because I go to the doctor less often for being sick than for maintenance, a woman, friendly looking, and takes my insurance. Great way to pick, right? I have only met one of the nurse practitioners so far, and she is great, so I chose wisely. This is the first time a new doctor actually did a pregnancy test before renewing my birth control. It makes perfect sense for a doctor who has never met me to do this, and it made me surprised that this is not the norm.

She also did a full battery of blood work so it will be done for my physical. The good news is that my cholesterol is great, so I can keep eating cheese. On the other hand, apparently I am slightly hypothyroid. I wonder how long this has been true because she was looking not just at the hormones, but also an enzyme that if it is super low indicated hypothyroid and I have not noticed another doctor comment on this before. For the first time since I had my thyroid out seven years ago, my medication is changing. Let's hope this helps with some of my fatigue. I am mostly incapable of rounding up enough energy to do work after 7 p.m. My Mondays and Tuesdays are LONG days, so by Wednesday I am fried even though I get plenty of sleep.

I had not run in over a week until yesterday. Every time I thought to, I decided I did not feel like bundling up to go running when it was in the high 20s in the middle of March. Yesterday it was both daylight and 50 degrees when I got home, so I had no excuse. My legs are a bit tired this morning. I need to start increasing my mileage at some point here...

I have been taking decent care of myself until I had this for breakfast this morning.

Well, I had one full one and a small piece of all of the others.

Multitasking

My friend was recently telling me that she does not want to 'bug' her boyfriend too much about future plans because he is finishing his thesis and he cannot 'multitask'. Prior to this, she felt bad for bringing it up with him because he was working on a big project and also had his thesis and could only work on one thing at a time because he cannot 'multitask'.

I think I had such a visceral reaction to this because she sounds like I did a few years ago when CF refused to respond to any of my attempts at talking about future plans as well. I told her as much and also that she should think about my suggestions in this light. She shares a lot with the boyfriend, as she should, so I pointed out that she should also tell him this about me if she told him what I said. In addition, her boyfriend's inability to discuss a plan, with the acknowledgement that plans are not set in stone but give you a goal, is affecting my friend's well-being. Thinking you may unfairly burden a partner and refraining from a conversation when you yourself then end up unfairly burdened does not make sense to me.

Multitasking has nothing to do with doing two things at once. Sure you can pat your head and rub your stomach at the same time or chew gum and walk, but I am pretty sure that if the things require cognitive input, you can only do one thing at a time. I told my friend that if she gave her boyfriend a heads up that she needed (yes, actually needs) to talk about this would mean that he could be prepared to participate instead of him being unprepared, as he has apparently been during previous attempts. (As an aside, I have done this with exes to no avail.)

I actually do this with myself. I will think about how to approach something for way. too. long. sometimes. Then when I go to actually do it, it takes very little time though. There are some things I absolutely need to get done in a timely fashion that are simmering right now.
     Taxes, for example. It is way past when I should have already made an appointment to have someone do those for me.
     A grant proposal due in July. It seems like a long way off, but it is a big proposal. This may sound crazy, but as long as my teaching is good, if I got a proposal funded through this mechanism, I might be all set for tenure in 5 years. Seriously.
     My lesson plans for next week. It is spring break for me and I took the last three days off from work-work. Bill and I hung out literally all weekend, I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom, and I did all my laundry (plus the extras like my duvet cover). There is no more procrastinating available in my apartment.
     Figuring out this Bill thing. There are several things I am trying to get used to again. As with my conversation with my friend about she and her boyfriend, it would make sense for me to share with Bill so he does not think I am ambivalent or boring. One is I getting used to being gone. Bill likes to travel, even for regular weekend things. I do too, I just have not had the resources to do it in recent years. I need to get back into the swing of things. Participating in the summer research program provides me a stipend, but the budget is continually shrinking for the program so who knows what measly amount it will be. Honestly Bill pays for almost everything, but then I feel bad about that (see above sharing idea...). See also this previous post. I have also been unfriending people on Facebook who I only know from my previous relationship life. I have done this in waves, and it was great to do some of this the other day as I was also friending new people I have met in my new life.
     Getting my research set up. I have a summer student lined up and not my research. I had plans of doing this in January. Then this week during spring break. It involves a trip back to my post-doc lab to pick stuff up. First some plumbing was not getting done. Then there are snow days that bring everything to a screeching halt at my small liberal arts college. Now there is a water shut down in my building to do outside water main work (which is surely delayed thanks to a snow storm yesterday). Not surprisingly, I JUST got an email that water will be off through Thursday (one-day delay), with no hot water until Friday. FML. Time to get dressed, head to campus, and plan my bathroom breaks so I can go to the building next door to use their bathrooms.

Phew!

**It has been almost 3 years since I added to my '100 things' list! If you have an idea for a topic for the last 10 things, let me know. Sadly I have already done a 'random things' list.**

Week one of the semester:

Day 1: Can't log onto the computer before my 9 a.m. class. Restart it. Can't log in. Call help desk. Start teaching. Help desk comes and the computer isn't connected to the internet anyway. Finish class without slides. Computer works fine when I check back in the afternoon. Stay up too late after making dinner, doing laundry, watching a couple hours of TV, and deciding I should do work.

Day 2: Would have started by finding a massive water leak in my teaching lab just before my 8:30 a.m. class, but luckily a colleague found the ceiling dripping at the end of Day 1. Stay up too late because I wanted to go over my lecture again and I clearly suck at going to bed early.

Day 3: Headache all day in spite of the 2 Aleve, 2 cups of coffee, and stretching my neck and upper back throughout the day. Headache wains and I run 3 miles in the 20 degree windy weather. Headache comes back. Make dinner. Do some laundry. In bed by 11:00.

Day 4: Start the day with more Aleve, just in case. I think the rest of the day went okay. I don't remember. I still felt off and like any second that headache would come back. Happy hour with other new faculty at the end of the day. Made it to bed at a reasonable hour after texting with BIL guy about how it takes him forever to fall asleep unless I am around and how I just fall asleep because I am that lucky. I barely remember closing my eyes.

Day 5: Feel more normal than I have all week! Probably the best lecture of the week, although I am amazed at how little material I get through. I have a hard time telling if the students are keeping up, bored, and/or lost. 9 a.m. is not that early for a class, but it is if you are college students (and this group sees me at 9 a.m. 3 days a week and 8:30 another day). One of said college students missed class because her grandfather had a bad fall. Go to local meeting of those working with a similar research system. Have awkward conversation with speaker about my post-doc advisor and the speaker's collaborator with whom my post-doc advisor does not speak (long story that is not mine to tell). Feeling exhausted again. Put away all the laundry I have done in the past week, empty the dishwasher, make dinner, decide to watch the pilot episode of West Wing, write a blog post, go to bed super early.

Saturday plan: Get up. Run. Go wine tasting.

Snow day!

There is not a flake of snow in the sky or on the ground, but any minute now it's supposed to start and deliver 5 to 8 inches. There is a giant spot of blue snow heading this way on the weather map, and classes have not started yet, so my college shut down. I am under the impression that having classes in session would not have stopped the college from closing, which is a little crazy because it is not a commuter college, but whatever. When we last talked about snow days at work, I asked if I could choose to hold class even if the campus is closed because I am fine with driving carefully to work. I did not get a straight answer, except that once for intro they had an optional lab on a Sunday afternoon to try to keep students caught up with the material. Not all students showed up, but those who did benefited (obviously). I may re-ask this question if the winter continues to provide me with regular snow storms.

So far this morning I have gotten "dressed" (it is always great to work in sweats and fluffy socks), cleaned the cat pan, given the cat extra attention, taken out the trash and recycling, had some coffee, set up work space on my dining table, checked FB obsessively, and now wrote a random blog post. Now to motivate to do some work. My reward is a walk to Dunkin' Donuts later if I get a lecture done.

Speaking of cats. It is amazing how starving mine seems to be when I am home for a day. The incessant meowing and begging.

UPDATE: It started snowing right on time at ~9:00. Who's excited??????

Lesson learned

The lesson: I know I should not put off the desire to write a post thinking I will get my work done first. What ends up happening is that I waste my day procrastinating, then write a post, then get way less work done than I intended. And I have a syllabus to try to finish, so I MUST post first so I have no excuses.

Not that you needed an explanation of that, but whatever.

Now on to the post...

One, I love Yogi tea. Particularly when the tea saying feels applicable to me. And "Happiness comes from contentment" feels true in my current life. I have been pretty content since September in work life and personal life. I ventured into the online dating thing around then just to get back into it, and just let a guy down who I had seen several times and shut down my account. I also started hanging out with someone with whom I have become friends thanks to my brother-in-law. I may eventually come up with another nickname for him, but until then he is BIL guy. It is strange to call him BIL guy, particularly because having known my BIL and sister is apparently what was keeping us in the friend zone. Past tense. It was one of the reasons I thought possible that hanging out was staying platonic, so it was good to have confirmation that it was not one of the other possibilities.

On NYE, I met the friends with whom he hangs out regularly and also briefly interacted with other friends at the restaurant where he and I had dinner. Apparently his friends like me and think I am nice. Duh. :-) He and I cooked an amazing venison tenderloin courtesy of said friends last night (with some roasted potatoes, mushrooms, and a port wine reduction). Thanks to said friends, he is in on a wine buying deal (the friends own a restaurant) that means we had some pretty darn good wine with dinner too. I am tagging along to the next tasting where other owners in the restaurant will be...apparently including one of the N F L* players here who is from the friends' same hometown. He has also been thinking of going to Philadelphia for a night for something to do, so that will probably be happening. Cooking, laughs, hanging out, good wine, flirting, someone to warm up my hands and feet, and whatever else may come from leaving the friend zone? I'm in.

In the meantime, I will try to ignore this distraction when I need to be getting work. Speaking of distractions, I FINALLY figured out how to transfer my iToons* library and keep the play counts and ratings. I spent way too much time with this, and in the end it was simpler than I thought it was, but the help posts for iThings was not that easy to find. Anyhoo...back to work now that it is is 3:00 in the afternoon. Oiy.

* Yes they are typed funny on purpose.

Let's do this

I cleaned out my email inbox at work.

I have a course syllabus to write. And a grant.

I am psyching myself up for my second semester. At the end of last semester, I jokingly wrote on the FB, "1 semester down. Approximately 59 to go," and I joked about it at work today. Two members of my parents' generation could not believe that I would count down. I guess they took it literally! Luckily I love my job and I am NOT actually counting down to retirement, I just thought it was funny to think about. I think maybe that generation is stressed out being in their late 50s to mid 60s in the current economic climate that they find it inappropriate that I might hope to retire some day, too. Hope my parents thank me for paying my taxes and supporting their fixed income post-retirement.

My student evaluations suggest that students either thought the course and my teaching were great...or not. . The large majority think there is too much material and that lectures move too quickly. They said my grading in lab was harsh, but honestly their lab reports were not great. And they certainly picked up on the fact that as the semester progressed, I was more comfortable in class. They are so unprepared for the amount of material they need to learn though. This spring I am sitting in on the intro course, so hopefully we can improve the students' appreciation of and performance in the course and not dumb it down. It is reassuring to know the woman with whom I team taught gave me feedback throughout that was positive and/or constructive. Only up to go from here!

I ran again for the first time in a couple of weeks with new running sneakers and just as it was starting to snow. Everything about it was great except the running part. (I did it, I just refuse to like it.) I have 11 months to be able to run a half marathon and MONTHS of hot and humid weather in the middle. I will have to get my butt up early this summer to keep up the running.

I have one boy to let down and one who, I am pretty sure, is not let down.

I have some gifts to sew, including a T-shirt quilt for my mom with her red and yellow t-shirts!

I have food in my freezer I need to eat up - I started with tomatoes and spinach in a delicious bacon, black bean, and veggie soup tonight (secret ingredient = ~1/2 c of beer).

I caught up on Downton Abbey and Parenthood. I am ready for the new seasons.

2014, here I come!