A quickie*

I went from thinking my life was boring, to being a little more busy than I wanted, to I think settling in to a good level of busy.

On one hand, Romeo is a great reason to stay productive and free up my free time. On the other hand, he's had car issues, and we haven't seen each other since the weekend. Yes, I do own a car that I drive. We will need to discuss his reluctance to have me over...not sure if it's the area of the city he lives in, the fact that he has a roommate (his cousin), or what, but dude, (pseudo-TMI warning) a girl can't go from seeing you and non-quickie time together (vague but you get it???) several times a week to this many days off?!

The Ex texts me today that he misses my nose ring, to which I responded that that's weird because it's still there. Turns out he misses my face, is drinking at the bar, just filed for legal separation from his wife, and wants to get back together. Whaaaat. Sorry, yo. I'm working on something better with someone who regularly tells me that he wants to spend time with me, I'm great (and he's great), and is a little more grounded than you. Almost 10 years post-break-up, good to know I still have a back-up plan if Romeo doesn't work out. {insert eye rolling}

Work has its great parts and its frustrating parts. I'm trying to distance myself from much of the work socializing because it is largely complaining and gossiping and not relaxing at all. Several times I have opted for a quick lunch and a walk in the sun instead. My colleagues certainly notice, but I put in enough socializing time to largely be "excused", in the sense of still being perceived as part of the team (I think). Many of the students seek out my advice, which is great and flattering. Unfortunately they aren't my official advisees and I don't get "credit" for that time. Yesterday I spent between 60 and 90 minutes advising students who are not my advisees. That adds up. A lot. I need to speak to my chair about getting these students assigned to me so that I get "credit" for it. Good news is, the students generally love me. Not sure if it is because they perceive me as "younger" or that I am just better at this part of being a professor than some of my colleagues.

*No pun intended. This is intended to be a quickie post for my fans**.

**If I still have fans after my posting hiatus. ;-)

Recuperating

This week marked my first illness-related absence from my current job.

I went for a run after work on Monday, given the lovely spring weather here. My GPS and my foot were both messed up, so I kept it short. I headed home, made plans to make dinner and feed Birthday Twin (hereafter known as BT*?), then promptly puked three times after I started making dinner. Luckily BT hadn't made it to far in the car, and I could tell him to turn around. (Sadly, this has ended up meaning we have not seen each other all week, and I can tell you that is a real shame.) I finished making dinner, put it in the fridge, and passed out on the couch for 2 hours. Then woke up and went to bed. THEN (because I know you're enjoying the play-by-play), I stayed home yesterday with a fever that went down mid-afternoon. On one hand, I've said multiple times I wish I would get sick and have a reason to cancel class. On the other hand, I didn't have any classes to teach yesterday, so it was a waste of a "sick day" (not that I have some set number of sick days...I think...).

My recuperation consisted of getting up normal time for work, emailing a couple of people that I was sick and not coming in, then watching the series finale of Downton Abbey. Its ending made me pleased and was essentially what I was hoping. Then I slept on the couch for a couple of hours.

I ran in to work to get work, since I figured I would still need to prep class. I stopped and got some raspberry sherbert on the way home, because nothing says childhood fever to me like some raspberry sherbert. I seriously think that was the magic that made my fever go down over the afternoon. I managed to prep a bit for class and finish grading some exams! Then I went to bed at 9:00.

Factors contributing to my recovery from the weird <24 event:="" flu-like="" hour="" p="">

• Downton Abbey!
• ~20 hours of sleep in ~36 hour period.
• Only puking those initial times and not continuing. I hate throwing up.
• 2 advil.
• One of my favorite students (who are we kidding? we all have favorites...) earning 100% on the exam I was grading. This was 11 points above the next highest test! She was beside herself today. It was amazing.
• I got my impact score back from a research proposal I submitted in the fall. It is in the solid "excellent" range. I don't want to get too hopeful, but cross your fingers I get real grant funding!!! I'm mostly excited that this would mean I could hire a technician and pay myself for the two months per year not covered by my contract. Game changers.
• BT. [Warning: here comes train of unedited thoughts.] I really want to know how this will go. I think after a couple more weeks I will either need to pull the plug before getting too attached, or it will just have to be the real thing. He may not have a choice. My college roommies (with whom I conclaved** this weekend) were (rightly) amazed? appalled? surprised? all of the above? that I do not know BT's last name. In the words of one of said roommies, "It never came up!" Sadly, my illness got in the way of seeing him this week because then we both had other conflicts. But the text conversations. Oh, the text conversations! The "When can I see you again?", "I want them all" in response to my free nights next week, a Harry Potter marathon that would get him into my SIL's good graces, "You're worth it" in response to making him wait (and to which I responded that he's a smart man). Oh, he's funny too! Me - "I guess meteorologists care." Him - "Yeah, so like 50 people."
• On a related note, the other guys I have had more communication with or gone on a couple of dates with have sorta faded out. NBD. We'll see how BT works out and reevaluate if necessary.
• I inspired a friend to try some online dating, & so far it's been good for her too! Yay!

Okay...now back to work....

*BT is the IRL nickname of one of Bill's friends. So if you think of a better nickname for the current boy, do let me know.

** The 6 of us who lived together senior year in college live within a 4-hour driving range since I moved back east. SUPER doable. We have been getting together about twice a year. It's amazing. The first time was when the last papal conclave was occurring, and we had a new member who has since married into our 'family' who we joked would be voted on at our conclave.

***Conclave story 2 that has no reference above. I jokingly asked my friends if they had secretly voted Bill out, and I just hadn't known it. One**** responded that because I seemed indifferent, they were indifferent and didn't even bother. I think my friends may know me better than I know myself sometimes...

****OMG, that friend is getting married in October and I. CANNOT. WAIT.

Tapped

I was going to title this 'Tapped Out', but I am not quite there yet. In true form I have some work I truly need to finish tonight. I also just had a text conversation with a dear friend about how we need to catch up and said that I was sad over the weekend thinking about how I haven't been able to make time to keep up with friends [waves hi to all those friends out there], but here I am posting something so I can clear my mind and get the work done. You're welcome.

The truth is I do have down time, and it is typically spent hanging out with Bill. I did see a friend and her fiancee over the weekend because she happened to text and Bill and I were going to be walking right by their apartment. I am going on a whirlwind trip to Disney World next weekend and running 13.1 miles in the middle of the trip. Life is not entirely all work and no play.

Work is happening and good and very busy. I find myself talking with a lot of students outside of class, which is great because I think they generally think I am approachable and helpful. My summer research student frequently exclaims how much she loves me and how I always have great advice. I am particularly touched after the college chaplain emailed me with a message from a student I have a good relationship with because that student specifically asked the chaplain to tell me something.

It is a tricky balance when students like interacting with you and you want to know what all of them think and how you can help them but you have classes to prep and research to do. I said to friends at work today that I think I am spending too much time doing that because at the end of the day I have talked with a lot of students and not done much work. I end up at home at 9:00 with a bunch of work to do. I do love the student part of my job, though, and sometimes I think I would be fulfilled by a career in counseling.

Then I get an email from the college chaplain that makes me tear up (the student is/will be fine, but I am just worried), and then I realize counseling and caring about everyone all the time would be too exhausting.

How serious ARE you?

Three things indicating various levels of seriousness for you to judge. It is always nice to be told you are expected to be judgmental, right?

1. I really do love when I feel fully prepared for class or when I finish writing up an assignment. I am enjoying meeting students at all levels - teaching an upper level course with a lab and an intro lab section. I just confirmed with a student that she will do summer research with me. For the most part, I think I am on the right track. But when the weather channel sent out a storm watch alert for later this week and I heard other faculty complaining about the winter weather, MY first thought was, "let's go snow day or delay!"

I never really thought I would be that person (I mean we are only 2 weeks into the semester!), but it is nice being on the instructor side of a snow day. Plus I honestly do not mind the winter weather, I am sure in part because I do not have to shovel or clear trees that fell down in the recent ice storm.

2. Rapunzel had this idea that we would use Nike+ to motivate each other to stay active, although she seems quite good at it herself. We both said, at least in the beginning that knowing someone else could see when we ran made us more likely to run, and we kept trying to just get ahead of the other person (although I was just trying to keep up...). She finished the 30 miles in 30 days a few days early and set up a new 32 miles in 30 days challenge. And she just finished after 11.5 days. I have not kept up, but I did run 30.06 miles in January and already 17.17 miles this month. Not too shabby, but not quite as serious as Rapunzel.

3. BIL guy is coming with me to my parents for a big bonfire and drinking this weekend. On one hand, I suppose it is some-adjective-I-can't-quite-put-my-finger-on that technically we have only been [clearly] out of the friend zone since Jan 1 and he is hanging out with my family. On the other hand, he knew my BIL way back and has met my sister and the kids, and we have been hanging out for so long, that it does not feel weird at all. He also has been happy to come from the first time I mentioned it, including when I gave him another out over the weekend. That is mostly all I have to say about that.

Phew!

**It has been almost 3 years since I added to my '100 things' list! If you have an idea for a topic for the last 10 things, let me know. Sadly I have already done a 'random things' list.**

Week one of the semester:

Day 1: Can't log onto the computer before my 9 a.m. class. Restart it. Can't log in. Call help desk. Start teaching. Help desk comes and the computer isn't connected to the internet anyway. Finish class without slides. Computer works fine when I check back in the afternoon. Stay up too late after making dinner, doing laundry, watching a couple hours of TV, and deciding I should do work.

Day 2: Would have started by finding a massive water leak in my teaching lab just before my 8:30 a.m. class, but luckily a colleague found the ceiling dripping at the end of Day 1. Stay up too late because I wanted to go over my lecture again and I clearly suck at going to bed early.

Day 3: Headache all day in spite of the 2 Aleve, 2 cups of coffee, and stretching my neck and upper back throughout the day. Headache wains and I run 3 miles in the 20 degree windy weather. Headache comes back. Make dinner. Do some laundry. In bed by 11:00.

Day 4: Start the day with more Aleve, just in case. I think the rest of the day went okay. I don't remember. I still felt off and like any second that headache would come back. Happy hour with other new faculty at the end of the day. Made it to bed at a reasonable hour after texting with BIL guy about how it takes him forever to fall asleep unless I am around and how I just fall asleep because I am that lucky. I barely remember closing my eyes.

Day 5: Feel more normal than I have all week! Probably the best lecture of the week, although I am amazed at how little material I get through. I have a hard time telling if the students are keeping up, bored, and/or lost. 9 a.m. is not that early for a class, but it is if you are college students (and this group sees me at 9 a.m. 3 days a week and 8:30 another day). One of said college students missed class because her grandfather had a bad fall. Go to local meeting of those working with a similar research system. Have awkward conversation with speaker about my post-doc advisor and the speaker's collaborator with whom my post-doc advisor does not speak (long story that is not mine to tell). Feeling exhausted again. Put away all the laundry I have done in the past week, empty the dishwasher, make dinner, decide to watch the pilot episode of West Wing, write a blog post, go to bed super early.

Saturday plan: Get up. Run. Go wine tasting.

History (of science)

As I was continuing to (inefficiently) get ready this past week for the start of classes on Monday, I was adding some historical perspective to the developmental biology course I am teaching. The textbook mentions scientist names and the general time in which they made discoveries or proposed ideas about how biological systems work. I started looking up more specific information about these scientists though, and started thinking about how crazy it is that so many discoveries we/I take for granted were made relatively recently. At least it seemed that way to me when I started thinking about how the lives of my great-grandparents (who I knew), my grandparents, and my parents (sorry) overlapped with so many incredible advances. Of course I also thought about how in 30 years students will take for granted exciting discoveries that have been made in the past 10 years, and wonder how there was a time we did not know these things.

[As an aside, I think this is one of the struggles with teaching science. We know SO. MUCH. MORE. now than we did when I was in school in the 80s and 90s. We expect the students to learn these new things, but then we still need to teach them the basics and how to think. There actually are not enough hours in the day. A lot of our teaching, at least where I am, does emphasize the critical thinking and communication/writing skills, but in reality the students are not retaining even a lot of the basics as a result. And they need to at least know the basics and where to look up the more detailed information.]

My great-grandmother was born in 1898, and I think my great-grandfather was born earlier that decade. My grandparents were born in the mid-1920s. So, here are some cool things to think about.

The man, August Weismann, who proposed that we inherit characteristics from germ cells (eggs and sperm) died when my great grandmother was 16 years old.

The images of DNA taken by Rosalind Franklin, that were then used by her and Watson and Crick to determine the structure of DNA, were taken in the early 1950s when my great grand-parents were in their 60s, my grand-parents in their late 20s, and my parents were born?! As an aside, Franklin also studied the polio virus.

The 4 postulates for determining if an illness is due to a disease or a microorganism (like bacteria) were developed around 1890, and have since been revised in light of more modern techniques of studying disease. Koch and Loeffler, who developed these ideas, lived until 1910 and 1915, respectively, when my great-grandmother was a teenager.

I would look up a few more, but you get the idea. Everyone hears about the big exciting things like landing on the moon, but these ideas are just as ground breaking, even if they seem less flashy in this day and age.

The count-down

I am lucky. I still have another week before classes start. I have been relatively productive during break, but could have done more planning and prep before now if I had cared to. At the same time, I am definitely not going into the semester exhausted, which is a good thing.

I am not sure if I have mentioned it, but I am teaching a lecture/lab course plus one intro lab this semester. In the sciences we figure out staffing by contact hours, so I will be in the classroom teaching for 9 hours a week. The intro lab is no big deal - there is a person who preps the labs - but I will also be sitting in on the lecture so I know what the students are learning and also sitting in on a lab before mine so I know what to teach - that will add another 6 hours to my in-class time each week. The other class I am teaching I have decided to do from scratch even though I have my predecessor's materials, so it will be fairly time consuming to generate the course material. My knowledge is different from my predecessors, so it was either learn what she had taught and teach it, or draw on what I know and make up new labs. So I went with the latter.

Unfortunately I will not have my research set up before the start of classes, so I am not sure if I will be able to use my research in my teaching lab this year, but will down the road!

I realized last week that I actually have to be putting together lectures for the semester. Tomorrow, I start my one-lecture-prep-a-day plan. Over the course of the week, I need to outline the first few labs too. I am excited about the course, as it is upper level, and am trying to hold the self-doubt at bay. I know I can do it, I just need to do it.

In other news, I painted this. It will be fired and ready to pick up this week. I picked it as a pet dish, but we will see if she gets to use it or not. I painted the flower on the inside figuring it could be a water dish, and then I could still see my handy work. A few of us went for a ladies' night at one of those paint-your-own studios, and we all did completely different designs. It will be fun to see how they look after being glazed and fired!

In other-other news, I spent a fun couple of days in Philadelphia this weekend.

 The stairs Rocky runs on.

 The Liberty Bell, which I learned was cracked from day 1.

 Independence hall.

 The room in which the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution were signed. George Washington sat in the chair in the front!

 Random alley...

I have also managed to run 3- 4 times per week, thanks to some friendly motivation. For some reason I don't feel like I am getting any faster or that it is getting any easier. I think I need to try running without music, as boring as that sounds, to figure out what my natural pace is. It is on my To Do list for tomorrow.

My motivation to keep on top of my work this semester is going to be more short trips like this. 7 days to the new semester and counting...

Let's do this

I cleaned out my email inbox at work.

I have a course syllabus to write. And a grant.

I am psyching myself up for my second semester. At the end of last semester, I jokingly wrote on the FB, "1 semester down. Approximately 59 to go," and I joked about it at work today. Two members of my parents' generation could not believe that I would count down. I guess they took it literally! Luckily I love my job and I am NOT actually counting down to retirement, I just thought it was funny to think about. I think maybe that generation is stressed out being in their late 50s to mid 60s in the current economic climate that they find it inappropriate that I might hope to retire some day, too. Hope my parents thank me for paying my taxes and supporting their fixed income post-retirement.

My student evaluations suggest that students either thought the course and my teaching were great...or not. . The large majority think there is too much material and that lectures move too quickly. They said my grading in lab was harsh, but honestly their lab reports were not great. And they certainly picked up on the fact that as the semester progressed, I was more comfortable in class. They are so unprepared for the amount of material they need to learn though. This spring I am sitting in on the intro course, so hopefully we can improve the students' appreciation of and performance in the course and not dumb it down. It is reassuring to know the woman with whom I team taught gave me feedback throughout that was positive and/or constructive. Only up to go from here!

I ran again for the first time in a couple of weeks with new running sneakers and just as it was starting to snow. Everything about it was great except the running part. (I did it, I just refuse to like it.) I have 11 months to be able to run a half marathon and MONTHS of hot and humid weather in the middle. I will have to get my butt up early this summer to keep up the running.

I have one boy to let down and one who, I am pretty sure, is not let down.

I have some gifts to sew, including a T-shirt quilt for my mom with her red and yellow t-shirts!

I have food in my freezer I need to eat up - I started with tomatoes and spinach in a delicious bacon, black bean, and veggie soup tonight (secret ingredient = ~1/2 c of beer).

I caught up on Downton Abbey and Parenthood. I am ready for the new seasons.

2014, here I come!

Absolutes

I am enjoying my students and teaching this semester. I have concerns about the level of the knowledge the students are expected to know (and an older faculty member who has been working on things other than teaching is getting concerned, too). I tend towards the idea that if you expect more of people, you will get more from people. The students who expect the course to be difficult are putting the most work in, and it pays off! Other students have ended up dropping the course.

In just a couple of months, I think I have a pretty good relationship with my students in general. I love that they will stop by and ask questions. One of them is serious about trying different things to get her grade up, including coming to my office to take a practice test.

Other students want you to answer every little question they have instead of looking it up, and it drives me crazy. One student in particular has quite a loud voice, and asks questions all the time. This student is smart, but has not quite figured out how to pass an exam in the course. This student asks the most straight forward questions, which is great except they are questions that are super easy to look up. We will see how he does on the next exam...

Regardless, I care about all of them. My first college class. :-)

The biggest intellectual challenge for me so far, though, is committing to an answer when I am not ENTIRELY, but only pretty, sure of the answer. I am used to confirming answers, looking up research, being sure of the answer. My students want that yes or no answer right away. But if I cannot be absolutely sure, I give a vague answer and go look it up later. I need to practice the art of giving an absolute answer, even if I am not absolutely sure.

Take a hint?

Last weekend I headed into lab to finish an experiment. A regular, six hour-ish day in lab to finish up the repeat of an experiment I have done before. No big deal. Then it did not work. This is a 'control', which means we use it to show that the other parts of the experiment DO work. No control = no data.

Wasting one day of lab time is not a super big deal in the grand scheme of things. I do not mind repeating an experiment if I can figure out what went wrong. The frustrating part is if the only option I have is just to repeat it again with no changes because I did not do anything different from usual. This also came after realizing why a different experiment was not working. So in addition to feeling like I have someone squeezing my chest half the time (which I can only assume is some sort of stress/anxiety type feeling), I am hitting that point of wanting to quit science again.

I have a theory that science makes you come really close to wanting to quit, but then gives you good data. This has happened to me many times before.

However, some failed undergrad lab mentoring experiences aside, the teaching and mentoring aspects of my life have never made me want to quit.

As I put my job applications out there and wait to hear back about a training grant (which several people have all but told me I should get after the good review of the grant), I go back and forth about whether I should go with a primarily teaching undergraduate school or one with "equal" parts teaching and research. I am applying to two undergrad institutes and two with grad programs this month. I do not have a grant or paper yet, which makes me less competitive. I do have some good teaching experiences though. I think this makes me a stronger candidate for the undergrad institutes. We will see what happens!

P.S. All of the jobs are in the Northeast where my family and friends are. Never mind that CF is starting a job a Great Lake away from me in a couple of months. I am sure there will be more about that at a later time.

Categorization

I have worked with or around several undergrads. I think they can be categorized in a couple of ways. The combination of the below determines whether or not they are worth your time.

 

Sometimes, even if they are worth the time, you do not get a chance to work with them. Unfortunately, even if they are totally not even close to worth your time or aggravation, you still have to work with them. No surprise that if you want to abbreviate 'under-graduate', you get 'UG'.

P.S. I apparently think I'm too smart to get they're/their/there correct. Fixed in an update. 

Getting defensive

I submitted a grant proposal back in August that would provide my salary if funded. The review of applications and funding decisions are made over the course of months. I already knew my scores from the committee review and that they generally meant "solid proposal with several minor concerns" and are borderline to what gets funded in general. Apparently after the committee meeting though, the individual agency has some subjective/objective ability to decide to whom they give their money, and my PI suggested I contact the program officer (PO) after I got comments back, particularly because I have additional preliminary data.

Only the comments I received, for the most part, are nothing I can address without sounding defensive (I think). There were a few main concerns that came through the critiques.

1. Reviewers wondered whether I was the person who generated the preliminary data in my grant. I suppose I could have stated in there that I generated the data (although a grad student did collect the samples I used for some of the experiments). I think I used "we", and maybe that was a red flag? Writing conventions in the sciences are in flux though, and many people still use "we" even if they really mean "I". Although I recognize that in some labs data might be handed over to increase funding and not all post-docs are competent and sometimes research hits serious snags that limit the amount of data, I had been in the lab 8 months. I would hope I had generated some data. So yes, the data are mine. And yes I had other data I did not squeeze in. I could easily let the PO know this by telling him I have generated additional promising preliminary data on top of the data I had generated for the proposal.

This also made me think about how I should present data when I resubmit my proposal. After all, some of the data will then be data generated by the students who I have been supervising. That requires quite a bit of time in and of itself. I developed working protocols and gathered reagents for techniques that had not been done in over 10 years in the lab (and which I had never done myself). I consult with them on a daily basis and try things when they do not work for the students. While I also do my "own" research, the project I am specifically working on is, in fact, a collaboration that is currently coordinated by yours truly.

2. Of big concern were my mediocre grades in college, particularly in science courses, that were not consistent with my excellent letters of reference. The details of my defense would be irrelevant to the PO, but here they are: I went to an Ivy League school and took 3 to 4 science classes (with a couple of labs) each semester for my first two years. Neither my faculty nor my peer advisor suggested I take it easy to adjust to college, something that likely would have resulted in better science grades. But heck, I even got a B in a physiology class my first year when a bunch of other bio majors were taking introductory biology?! Whatever. I was a B student. At an Ivy League school. FYI to anyone out there giving advice to high school college applicants: Apparently a B average at a more prestigious school is not likely to be the same as an A average at a less prestigious school.

Oh. And did I mention that I graduated almost 10 years ago so all but a couple of those classes were taken 10 to 14 years ago? My references were scientists who have known me since college - mentored, trained, and taught me, and value the research I have done. I think they would know how well I am able to apply knowledge to research. Since receiving mediocre grades in college, I have taught English abroad, was a research tech getting lots of research experience and a publication, was a grad student with all As (or higher!) and finished in 5 1/2 school years while TAing the entire time and being involved in two other activities on campus and getting 3 publications and I just completely switched research areas and would really like a training grant. Thanks.

3. The third concern was just about the lack of specificity in my PI's training plan for me. I am not so concerned about that one.

Of course, these reviews have discouraged me because no one had any problems with my proposed research (aside from questions about who generated the preliminary data) but other details that could be easily explained. While I like writing papers and grants, reading publications and coming up with questions and experiments, and working at the bench, I question whether I want to do all of that all at once as a post-doc and junior faculty. It will be many years before I would likely have a group to do the brunt of the benchwork. I also do not want to write grants incessantly and not get funding. Because funding is so tight, even strong research proposals do not get funded.

Since I read through the feedback earlier in the day, I am once again wondering how I want to use my PhD, how much research I really want to do, how much teaching I really want to do, if running a lab is really what I want to do, if just teaching or just research would be a smarter route to take. So many questions to answer before I can figure out what I want to do when I grow up.

I should add...

I participated in a workshop on cross-culture leadership and communication recently. It was a useful discussion about any interactions between generations, genders, international cultures, etc., and was a good participatory group. One of the stories I shared about moving to the Midwest was how difficult it has been for me to deal with the fact that everything starts late (and is usually expected to do so!). I like to be on time. Period. Call it the New Englander in me, but when you have an appointment or are giving a lecture or leading a class, I believe those things should happen on time barring any unforeseen events. I will even give you that traffic or a student dropping in unexpectedly who you have to politely ask to touch base later totally count (although in theory you could have left super early or checked the traffic report or something). Other things like meeting a friend for coffee are different. Professionally, I guess, I expect people to go by pre-established and agreed upon times.

My example of this "Midwest time" situation (seriously, that is what the students call it, only with the state's name inserted for 'Midwest') was that my undergraduate supervisee was perpetually late. I told him that he needed to be on-time, on-time, not "Midwest on-time", when he specifically asked about this point. I went on to tell him that I think it is disrespectful to me and my time that he is perpetually late because I have other things I could do.

I think a couple of people at the table thought that was harsh and a poor way to handle it given their surprised looks. (Would they have been surprised if a man shared the same story? That is another question.)

What I should have gone on to say is that I also told this student that we should brainstorm about better ways to manage his research to allow him more flexibility in his schedule so that this would not be such a problem. I, of course, am the only one who came up with ideas.

I also could have then pointed out that these ideas have not worked, despite his apparent support of them, because he has not followed through on his responsibilities, but whatever. I tried the easy going; I tried the blunt; now I just recognize that his time in lab is not to save time for me or get any real research done quickly nor contribute to his understanding of lab research. Oh, well.

Lucky blog readers, you.

I am friends with one of my grad student supervisees on FB now. Therefore, I cannot share certain work-related things (i.e. irritations) on FB anymore...

Dear Male Undergrad,

You are not cool smacking your chewing gum and reclining in the chair while cutting thin sections of tissue in your sweatpants.

Close your mouth when you chew and put clothes on. Please try not to cut yourself on the really sharp blade.

Also, when I say twice that I want you to summarize two figures and print it out for me, you know, like an assignment? I do expect you to print it out and not just email it to me. It would be nice if you would stop doing whatever the hell you feel like instead of what I ask you to do. I tell you why I ask you to do specific things so that you will not think I am being difficult; so please do not be difficult yourself.

Thanks,
Me.

In the abstract

I am giving out lab's presentation at the department retreat and submitting two meeting abstracts in September. [Abstract = summary of your presentation-to-be at the meeting.] So when a big international meeting announcement went out for a city nearby, I did not really think to submit an abstract. Three presentation, two students, and my own research seems like enough to juggle this fall...I want to break into this junior faculty thing slowly.

This big meeting is the type with physicians, politicians, biomedical researchers, basic science researchers, and who knows who else. It is the type of meeting I have not yet experienced, and my training grant will cover it, so I figured I would just attend. I am all for the assertion that if you are attending a meeting you should present, but even my PI was wishy-washy about this meeting while pointing out it would be a good experience. Apparently "my" grad student supervisee wants to present! He sent us an abstract draft from his visit home to TX three days before the deadline, only the mutant we use is from another lab and that PI should go on the abstract so we need her approval but then we got a vacation notice when she sent the abstract for approval and AHHHHH!!!!

Anyway. The abstract got submitted, but not before my PI and I discussed at length how much data to put in the abstract. We ultimately settled on combining the grad student and my research for a fuller picture, but minimal data in the abstract beyond what people could figure out on their own if they are so inclined to scientifically stalk the lab. This is because, as open and friendly as science is supposed to be, sometimes people maliciously scoop you. [Maliciously scoop = repeat your experiments/idea and publish the results before you in an intentional malicious manner.]

I did not worry about being maliciously scooped in grad school, mostly because my advisor was not known in the field in which I was doing my research so it was unlikely for someone to intentionally scoop her. My current PI is known in the field and has many close and, well, less close colleagues. I have told my grad student that if a scientist maliciously scoops me down the road and it causes a serious road block in my career, I would likely quit. I do not mean this lightly, and it would need to be the right combination of factors, but quitting and teaching at a private high school would likely make me at least as much money as a professor at a small liberal arts school and truly get me the summers off.

While my post doc lab is proving to be a good experience in many ways, learning to include enough information in an abstract and navigate the politics and collaborations and competitors of science will likely be some of the more useful skills.

Off to put the finishing touches on that retreat presentation...

Why are you here?

My grad school department did not have many upper level lab courses (or many lab courses in general) for pre-med undergraduates to get their lab requirements in for med school admissions. On top of that, working on an independent project or having a faculty with whom you work can help get into med school (or any post-bachelor's program, but my school had a LOT of pre-med students).

In grad school I directly trained 3 undergrads, two of whom wanted to go to med school, the other went to grad school. Since starting my post-doc I have worked with one undergrad who wants to go to med school, a recent grad who got into one med school where he did not want to go (WHY APPLY THERE?!) so he's killing time for a year and re-applying, and one first-year grad student.

Three of the four pre-meds with whom I have worked are clearly not mentally present when they are in lab. They are distracted by their cell phones (while others may use them but are not distracted), come in late, do not seem to learn how to trouble shoot after weeks or months of me asking leading questions and giving suggestions, make excuses, and are excessively "apologetic" and "appreciative" (which I attribute to not feeling or being a member of a research team).

When my undergrad was apologetic after being late A LOT this past semester, I finally stopped him and laid it on the line. I actually told him that he needs to be respectful of my time. I told him that while I understand that working in a lab and doing a senior project will help students get into medical school, if that is the only reason he is in lab he is wasting my time. I told him I want him to feel like the project is his and to own it. Was I too blunt?

I am almost to the same point with the recent grad who is killing a year to reapply to med school. I am supposed to be helping him with a technique, but I am not directly supervising his project (the P.I. and lab manager are). As a result, I do not feel that I need to manage his time or progress. So when something did not work last week and he told me he would be out on Friday, I pointed out that he cannot knowingly continue with something that is unlikely to work or provide any answer just because he will be out on Friday and wants something to show for his time. If it was something on my project, I might have told him to start over and I would finish what he did not get to. (Luckily my rotating grad student is performing the same technique successfully for my project; I just cannot figure out what they are doing differently aside from caring.) Today I stuck around for a tenth hour in lab so I could be there when he made a decision to continue or not at the same point in the experiment that we had the conversation last week.

Anyway, the whole point of my rambling is that when I have my own lab I will attempt to figure out why a prospective student wants to be in the lab. If they tell me it is because they think my research topic is "interesting", they will not be invited to join. I find people who say things are "interesting" are not truly interested in those things. Many med students have a familial connection to a disease that truly does drive them to go to med school. While this makes for generic grad school essays, it is a MUCH better reason to do research than just to get into med school. If they tell me they are trying to make their med school application stronger and would really like the opportunity to work on a research project, I would likely have them join the lab because we would at least have a mutual understanding of expectations!

How I distinguish between prospective students being well prepared for the question and truly having an interest in my research, however, is going to be a learned skill.

Oh, yes. The fourth pre-med who was amazing? Well, after high school, she immigrated to the U.S. from a third world country, learned English, got an associates degree, transferred to a private liberal arts school, and paid her own way through all that. I think she had more life experience and appreciation for her hard work than the other three.

Horses and Water

My PI meets with us each weekly, and we give her a printed research report and discuss what we have done, any results, and our plans for the coming weeks. She does not micromanage by any means, rather does this to keep up with what people are doing. I also use this time to tell her how I am approaching my supervisees.

I told her about my issues with the undergrad (in a general manner) and how he and I were going to use online document sharing to allow him more flexibility in his schedule. She said that sounded like a great idea. I also said I think I need to give him harder deadlines because when I give him two papers and say, "read these and cite them in your presentation in two weeks," he does not. (I think that is a relatively hard deadline, but maybe I am mistaken.) In comparison, when I leave for vacation, I ell him he must read those papers, write down any questions about the methods, results or discussion, but otherwise be able to state what the take-home message(s) was and how that relates to his research project. This he did.

I did a LOT of hand-holding and over-shoulder watching with him, but he does not seem to have the confidence to go out on his own or the ability to schedule non-lab but important things. I told my PI that this fall I will start off giving him a paper every week or two to discuss and then transition into him giving me a paper to discuss by the end of the semester. She liked this idea too.

"My" grad student has a fair amount of research experience, including being a full-time tech for the past six months. He is used to doing hands-on stuff full time. This is how I was when I started graduate school after being a tech for two years. So I did nearly full-time lab work on top of my classes because I needed to feel productive. (And hey, I have three papers published from my dissertation work, so maybe it paid off?) Anyway, I told my PI that I am pretty confident about his ability and knowledge, and that I gave him a fairly detailed protocol for Western blots up to a particular point. I told him (two weeks ago) that he needed to fill in the protocol with recipes and details before we got started and gave him three specific resources and his former post-doc supervisor did protein work and he was going to email said post-doc. I also forwarded him the information on the reagents I had ordered.

Up to this week, when we(/he) needed to do the protein extraction, he had not done completed the protocol. I told him that I would "recommend" doing the protein extraction, protein concentration assay, then STOP and write up the rest of the protocol and we would go through it at the end of the week before he continued. He has been sorta working on this, but started making buffers today rather than finish planning out the set-up. I did put a wrench in his initial plan when I told him a particular supply is too expensive to just run a gel for all these different conditions - I am all about efficient use of resources thanks to a mostly under-funded grad school experience. Anyway. I have to keep directing him to finish certain planning aspects before jumping in. And today he said to me that this is a different experience because he was so used to being hands-on busy all the time and not used to planning a whole experiment first and then doing it. Aha! The difference between being a competent and likely independent technician and transitioning into a graduate student. I told him that I totally agree and went through a similar transition when I became a post-doc.

My PI has agreed with the methods I have told her I am implementing. That said, I realized today that I also confirm these ideas with the lab manager in regular conversation. I explained to her today that I was not sure when we would actually run the Western blot because I keep having to reign in the grad student and get him to plan ahead in order to be able to run the experiment appropriately and have to keep stopping him to point out methodological details. She confirmed to me that historically, she usually shows grad students established techniques and explains methods, my PI teaches grad students how to think and plan scientifically, further into school the grad students figure new things out on their own, and she just shows post-docs where reagents are and they are generally able to just work on their own (although she has had to show me a bunch of microscopy stuff).

Take home message: Shove the undergrads right INTO the water or they will not drink; nudge the grad students towards the water when they get distracted; show the post-docs the "Water this way" arrow and leave them alone.

Phew!

I was beginning to think that I needed to seriously re-evaluate how I approach male students. I was thinking maybe I am not good at the one-on-one with them?

In grad school, I was "given" one male undergrad and two female undergrads at various times. The two female undergrads are on papers I published; the male undergrad was somewhat inept. And the situation with him was one in which my PhD advisor actually handled it in a way that benefited me by essentially pawning him off on a lecturer in the department who was doing some research in our lab at the time. [As an aside, she never talked to the lecturer or me about it, she just directed his project so that it made sense for him to go to the lecturer with questions.]

When I was a TA in a lab course, I had great teaching moments with students. In retrospect, those with the male students tended to be with the "nerdy" kids. But it is easy to be excited about science when interacting with students who are already excited about science! And I had a student in introductory lab who I later TA'ed in an upper level lab and he and I would joke around. (He was a senior and I told him it was not fair that I had him as a freshman, now he was graduating and I was not. That was a funny moment.)

So I start my post-doc and I "get" an (male) undergrad right away. We talk about the project, the mutant we need to characterize and the one technique, from start to finish, that I want the undergrad to learn. We did everything together over the semester, with him doing all of the hands-on stuff and me giving him tips from my own experience before he would start something. We talk about his results and experimental and biological explanations for what he sees. He does okay with this, but it would help if he had read the three papers I asked him to read a couple of months earlier...

Then I went away for two weeks. So that he was all set to do one complete round of the experiment that we had gone through together multiple times ("To include in a publication!!!!" I tell him), we talk about all the details like incubation temperatures (an why), how to set up the samples so that there will be sample left over when I get back for him to use with a new technique (how exciting, right!!!!), and we write it down. When I get back, none of the detailed protocol changes that we wrote down ahead of time are documented in his notebook, he has funky results, and he used the entire sample. So for a publication I would need to repeat the experiment. Seriously, I think the only thing I could have done differently was to have him write those plans down again to really get them in his head.

So I am essentially 0-2 on the male undergrads. Now, though, I am supervising one PhD rotation and half supervising a master's student research course, both male. So far so good. I gave the PhD student the start of a working protocol and asked him to fill in the rest (which he hasn't done, but with his experience and being a PhD student, I am leaving that up to him to figure out...is that wrong?); the master's student just started yesterday, but we have already had some good conversation (science and non). I have my fingers crossed.

[Now, I think I have high expectations as a teacher, but am patient unless I feel disrespected. I have good conversation moments with my undergrad now, but they are never when we are in teacher-student mode. The female undergrads I worked with both had different requirements - one was more hands-on and one more independent, but it worked out. Do I need a new frame-of-mind, and not just different managing and teaching techniques, for male undergrads?]

Trial and error

I have had the pleasures and frustrations of mentoring, training, teaching, and/or supervising undergraduates throughout grad school and now as a post-doc. While teaching in a classroom it is necessary to disseminate a bunch of information, I always thought a good teacher would try different ways, incorporate peer and student feedback, and always strive to get more students to understand more. One-on-one I think it is easier to change what you are doing quickly. One of the things that always bothered me about my PhD advisor was her inability to effectively manage (nevermind mentor or teach) different personalities in the lab even though in a large lecture hall she seemed to do fine.

So, with the undergrad who I am supervising now, I am trying my darndest to make it work and find new ways to work together. I do not think I will ever remember him fondly, but he is a smart kid, has decent lab hands, and...well...that's it. My FB status the other day (and the wonderful exchange a PhD friend and I had under it) sums it:

Dear undergrad, come in to lab when you are supposed to. Follow explicit instructions I give you or write down for you. Bring your key with you. Do not lie. And generally speaking, just stop messing up. Thanks.

Dear Jenny,
I am busy either sunning myself on the green or getting drunk. Get off my back. Love, Undergrad. :)

Dear Undergrad,
You didn't come in yesterday so you could enjoy the sun. If you want beer money, come in and do some work so you can get paid.
Dr. Jenny

Dear Dr. Jenny,
I was hoping you would collect my data for me, write a pub, and make me first author. I'll see you in a few months, I'm going backpacking across Europe. Have a good summer.
Ciao, Undergrad

Send a postcard, bring me chocolate, and then we can talk about it. (Translation: See ya and good luck in life.)

Just this summer, my little prodigy has come in late (like 45 minutes and then 3 hours) twice after we had explicitly discussed the scheduling of his experiments. Both times I got excuses. Actually, this week he was really defensive when I asked him about it, suggesting to me he knows full well that he was supposed to come in when he did not.

One issue is that my current PI does what my PhD advisor did - she allows herself to be wooed with a good transcript.

The other problem is that sometimes undergrads do not understand that they are doing real research in a real lab that is really important...even when you tell them repeatedly.

Because I am of the opinion that whatever an undergrad does needs to be of some value to me, it is likewise important to me that I get to a point where they are relatively independent and trustworthy. Previous attempts to explicitly tell my current prodigy what to write in his notebook, to stand over his shoulder and constantly correct him, or tell him things without having him think about them have failed.

This week he knew that I was frustrated and he is not one who will take blame, what with the random excuses he gives me. While I was cooling off at the microscope while he did some bench work, I thought about how to handle the situation.

1. I told him that I do not want excuses. Period. There is no point in excuses. My chemistry teacher in high school pointed out that it does not matter if you are late because your alarm did not go off; you are late. Period. Move on. I explained this is why I was most frustrated - we had explicitly discussed the experiment he would do, the timing of the experiment in light of his summer class schedule, and the exact times he would come in. Therefore he should have come in.

2. Clearly the way we are communicating is not working, so I brainstormed about how to improve this to achieve a better working relationship. My first idea was to have a word document that we would email back and forth with our goals, hypothesis, running lists of techniques and materials he knows and needs to learn, and research steps (from literature searches and discussions to experiments) taken to address the goal. I explained that this would make writing a proposal, presentation, or paper for any class credits he takes a MILLION times easier and would concurrently ensure he and I are on the same page. We talked about this idea, I drafted a word document, and then we decided to use g.docs to track the progress on the document rather than the emailing of many documents. We both agreed that this would allow him more freedom with his schedule, as I would know when he would need more help. Although, we are supposed to meet about this at noon tomorrow and he has yet to access the document according to google, so we will see.

My current PI has weekly meetings with us, and my lab mate in grad school did this with one of her undergrads when she was having difficulties communicating with them too. I am hoping that this will replace possible weekly meetings, but I think that can only happen if he and I check and modify the document every couple of days.

Wish me luck.

Random PSAs

These public service announcements have come to mind recently:

1. "If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down," does not pertain to public restrooms.
2. Tetanus shots and yoga do not mix.
3. On a related note, even if you relax your arm muscle when they give you a tetanus shot and keep the arm relaxed for as long as it takes to pay your co-pay and get to your car, it will still hurt for several days no matter what the nurse tries to tell you.
4. This Real Simple article has some cool ideas.
5. This video is a disturbing but important reminder why you should not text and drive. I would post it on my blog, but it is just that disturbing. It is worth watching, or if you have young drivers in your life, making them watch. (I don't know if the FB link will work, but it is not on the UTube.)
6. Hypothetically speaking, if you are sick, you do not need to show your supervisor a picture of your diseased throat (that you likely pic msged to your doctor dad who diagnosed you with "contagious strep") as proof that you are sick. Really, just try to be sick less.
7. If you have one of those pre-paid credit cards and return something, make sure you still have the card on which it was returned so that 4 months later you are not trying to figure it out.
8. If your brother is coming home to visit from a foreign country, do not kid yourself that he will bring you Skittles. Just ask his girlfriend and save yourself the extra step.
9. Send people snail mail just because. It is nice to get.
10. When planting anything in a raised garden bed that is against your house, make sure that when it rains, the water from the roof will not pound down on the baby plants. (I lucked out on this one!)

Anything else important that I am missing?