Last weekend I headed into lab to finish an experiment. A regular, six hour-ish day in lab to finish up the repeat of an experiment I have done before. No big deal. Then it did not work. This is a 'control', which means we use it to show that the other parts of the experiment DO work. No control = no data.
Wasting one day of lab time is not a super big deal in the grand scheme of things. I do not mind repeating an experiment if I can figure out what went wrong. The frustrating part is if the only option I have is just to repeat it again with no changes because I did not do anything different from usual. This also came after realizing why a different experiment was not working. So in addition to feeling like I have someone squeezing my chest half the time (which I can only assume is some sort of stress/anxiety type feeling), I am hitting that point of wanting to quit science again.
I have a theory that science makes you come really close to wanting to quit, but then gives you good data. This has happened to me many times before.
However, some failed undergrad lab mentoring experiences aside, the teaching and mentoring aspects of my life have never made me want to quit.
As I put my job applications out there and wait to hear back about a training grant (which several people have all but told me I should get after the good review of the grant), I go back and forth about whether I should go with a primarily teaching undergraduate school or one with "equal" parts teaching and research. I am applying to two undergrad institutes and two with grad programs this month. I do not have a grant or paper yet, which makes me less competitive. I do have some good teaching experiences though. I think this makes me a stronger candidate for the undergrad institutes. We will see what happens!
P.S. All of the jobs are in the Northeast where my family and friends are. Never mind that CF is starting a job a Great Lake away from me in a couple of months. I am sure there will be more about that at a later time.
4 comments:
Don't quite science!!! OMG! You are my greatest hope of genetically engineering a breed of plants that have the taste and texture of bacon!!! (that is what you're working on, right???)
I feel you. I've heard it said that Edison made 1000 unsuccessful attempts at an incandescent lightbulb before he came up with one that worked. That's a lot of times to have to suck up failure before you get to succeed. I wonder if he ever thought about giving up?
ummm.... I said "don't quite".... not sure what that meant. I think I intended "don't quit" ;-)
Ron, I spend these days trying to figure out what you meant. ;-) Don't worry, I'll keep on with the bacon work on the side.
Spark, probably. :-) Today science gave me data so I didn't want to quit(e). Then it gave me non-data, so I wanted to quit(e) again. [sigh]
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