The new post-doc in my lab from Japan asked me how old I am the other day. This has never been an uncomfortable question for me, and I told her I am 31. Her reaction was similar to many reactions I get, and possibly why I do not mind the question - disbelief. [Well, she believed me but would have guessed much younger.]
And I told her what I like to offer as an explanation: that I am not married with children yet.
Though I will also argue that graduate school and a former relationship put years on me, you can still count my gray hairs on one hand (yet my 4-year-older sister will take every opportunity to point out that she has none). On the other hand, I do like to be in bed by 10:30 (but up at 6:00!).
...Which brings me back to my age. I have a hard time figuring out how old I feel. Living in Boston, it was quite common to be a single 30-year old in grad school. The city is full of young unmarried adults. Here in the Midwest, it is common for grad students to be married and possibly to have a child or two before they finish (from my experience). I assume that any of those grad students who are married with babies are in their 30s, but they have not even hit 30 yet. CF got his bachelor's degree when he was 27 (I think), so his college friends are now all around 27 or 28 and getting married or having babies. I think he likes to think of himself as 26 or 27 just like them. Anyway, I get confused about where I should be in my life at 31, and rationally know that it doesn't really matter because I am happy with what I have done with my life.
CF likes to joke that he is dating an old lady, although he is old than me. So I told him about the other day in lab and my exact response (see above). He didn't seem to find that funny. :-)
30 June 2010
23 June 2010
Who you callin' an imposter?
My guess is that many people suffer from the Imposter Syndrome - professors, business people, stay at home parents, law-makers, lawyers, service people, etc.. It is a frequently discussed topic when it comes to women in science though. This is likely because of the rich old white guys' club that got science going (or at least historically got credit for science ans started societies and dominated academia and stuff). I question my adequacy, motivation, intelligence, ability to succeed on a weekly basis.
Intentional or not, I am on my third woman PI. I think I have found the right role model this time. There are a few details and anecdotes that exemplify why. She is a mom. She is a department chair. She has successfully maintained a funded research program for many years. She is an amazing teacher. She said to one of the undergrads once that in the 60s, they were not really into drinking in college but were into other stuff. She made a comment when we met yesterday about my rotating grad student: that he has been working in "one of those high pressure labs" and laughed a little. [It made me relieved that she does not view her lab this way, because that is how I view it too.] But then in lab meeting last week she was able to go on and on (in a good educational information way) about a poster she recently presented and background and relevant asides. All I could think was that I totally cannot do that. I am not saying I am dumb, but I do not know all the stuff she was saying and I am supposed to be a post-doc?!
Then I reminded myself that I am 6 months into a post-doc for which I changed research topics and study system.
It is good to read blogs written by other scientists who struggle with similar concerns. It makes me wonder though, whether there is something I would be happier doing. The one thing I would do if I did not continue in academia is be a high school science teacher. For reals. I have a friend who left my former PhD program to do just that. She was in her second year, did some soul searching, and realized she was just doing her PhD to prove she could. That is never a good reason. Today I decided "academia" (defined as post-secondary education although I think any educational environment should be academia) is just the type of teaching I am preparing myself to do. As my teacher friends are finishing their school years and talking about how they get to stay home with their families, I am more than a little jealous. People frequently misunderstand, or understand and unfairly mis-imply, that the flexibility of academia means professors can get all sorts of time off (and make lots of money, neither point of which is remotely true in the implied sense). Anyway, back to the teaching thing. I think that now my question is: how much research do I want to direct and fund to go along with my teaching?
Intentional or not, I am on my third woman PI. I think I have found the right role model this time. There are a few details and anecdotes that exemplify why. She is a mom. She is a department chair. She has successfully maintained a funded research program for many years. She is an amazing teacher. She said to one of the undergrads once that in the 60s, they were not really into drinking in college but were into other stuff. She made a comment when we met yesterday about my rotating grad student: that he has been working in "one of those high pressure labs" and laughed a little. [It made me relieved that she does not view her lab this way, because that is how I view it too.] But then in lab meeting last week she was able to go on and on (in a good educational information way) about a poster she recently presented and background and relevant asides. All I could think was that I totally cannot do that. I am not saying I am dumb, but I do not know all the stuff she was saying and I am supposed to be a post-doc?!
Then I reminded myself that I am 6 months into a post-doc for which I changed research topics and study system.
It is good to read blogs written by other scientists who struggle with similar concerns. It makes me wonder though, whether there is something I would be happier doing. The one thing I would do if I did not continue in academia is be a high school science teacher. For reals. I have a friend who left my former PhD program to do just that. She was in her second year, did some soul searching, and realized she was just doing her PhD to prove she could. That is never a good reason. Today I decided "academia" (defined as post-secondary education although I think any educational environment should be academia) is just the type of teaching I am preparing myself to do. As my teacher friends are finishing their school years and talking about how they get to stay home with their families, I am more than a little jealous. People frequently misunderstand, or understand and unfairly mis-imply, that the flexibility of academia means professors can get all sorts of time off (and make lots of money, neither point of which is remotely true in the implied sense). Anyway, back to the teaching thing. I think that now my question is: how much research do I want to direct and fund to go along with my teaching?
20 June 2010
Some faves
I have lots of favorite photos from my trip and am limiting myself to an additional 10 after yesterdays posts. As much as I love my Elph, these photos make me want something more than a point and shoot. I do not think I am ready to trade in the pocket-sized camera for a bigger one, but maybe when it comes to a wedding or babies I will trade up.
19 June 2010
Guten tag!
I went on vacation for a little over two weeks to Germany. I got back just in time for the grad student in my lab's defense and for a rotating grad student to start working with me. I thought he was going to have classes during this summer rotation, but no, he will be with me full time for the next 8 weeks. He has been working full time in a lab for 6 months, so I am hoping he will be relatively independent relatively quickly. I have a grant to write for the beginning of August?! Anyway. More on science in a different post. VACATION! This is a small selection of photos (click for a larger view)...
Biggest town near CF's village. I really do not know what the right terms would be for the towns, but this harbor city is where he went to school. This is the beach. Those little hut things are beach seats that people own or rent. I know they are the norm in Germany; I am not sure about other countries.
We took a day trip to Helgoland. CF likes history, so he told me a lot about this island and translated most of the signs for me. (He eventually got sick of translating conversations and stuff and just said it would help me learn more German - Not if I don't know what's going on!) These colorful houses are a symbol of the island.
City Hall in Hamburg.
A view of Hamburg from Michel Tower.
The Fish Market in Hamburg. These baskets were OVERFLOWING with fruit and were 10 euros. CHEAP! CF's sister brought me here and decided she would need to come back with a friend with who she could share the fruit in order to be able to eat it all.
A super old Lutheran cloister near CF's aunt and uncles. Apparently his aunt's friend recently looked into living here because is is a nice living.
CF playing with farm equipment at the agricultural museum.
In the museum for the county/area, there was stained glass. I took this picture because the one in the top right was the oldest of the collection - 1697!
We, of course, went to a zoo. Something we do fairly regularly actually. You could buy little bags of fruits and veggies to feed to some of the animals (like the elephants). Brilliant! People pay to come in and then pay again to feed the animals. This is one of my favorite photos from the zoo...and also from the American West section.
I had not had the chance to get a good sunset picture. (I get this from my Dad.) One day when we were driving home early evening, we drove up over a dike there was an amazing view of low tide, and a late sun but I did not ask CF to stop. That image will be one of those that I will always remember though. Anyway. The last night we got back to his parents, and the sunset was not bad. There are also a lot of windmills in the area, so it was an appropriate shot for the landscape I saw there. Here was my last night on the trip.
I have some other favorites I will post separately be cause they do not really need explanation. Tchüss!
Biggest town near CF's village. I really do not know what the right terms would be for the towns, but this harbor city is where he went to school. This is the beach. Those little hut things are beach seats that people own or rent. I know they are the norm in Germany; I am not sure about other countries.
We took a day trip to Helgoland. CF likes history, so he told me a lot about this island and translated most of the signs for me. (He eventually got sick of translating conversations and stuff and just said it would help me learn more German - Not if I don't know what's going on!) These colorful houses are a symbol of the island.
City Hall in Hamburg.
A view of Hamburg from Michel Tower.
The Fish Market in Hamburg. These baskets were OVERFLOWING with fruit and were 10 euros. CHEAP! CF's sister brought me here and decided she would need to come back with a friend with who she could share the fruit in order to be able to eat it all.
A super old Lutheran cloister near CF's aunt and uncles. Apparently his aunt's friend recently looked into living here because is is a nice living.
CF playing with farm equipment at the agricultural museum.
In the museum for the county/area, there was stained glass. I took this picture because the one in the top right was the oldest of the collection - 1697!
We, of course, went to a zoo. Something we do fairly regularly actually. You could buy little bags of fruits and veggies to feed to some of the animals (like the elephants). Brilliant! People pay to come in and then pay again to feed the animals. This is one of my favorite photos from the zoo...and also from the American West section.
I had not had the chance to get a good sunset picture. (I get this from my Dad.) One day when we were driving home early evening, we drove up over a dike there was an amazing view of low tide, and a late sun but I did not ask CF to stop. That image will be one of those that I will always remember though. Anyway. The last night we got back to his parents, and the sunset was not bad. There are also a lot of windmills in the area, so it was an appropriate shot for the landscape I saw there. Here was my last night on the trip.
I have some other favorites I will post separately be cause they do not really need explanation. Tchüss!
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