2000+ miles

CF and I have covered a LOT of ground from mid-December through New Year's. Because I left my cat alone longer than I have before, I got a second cat pan. She now uses one for #1 and one for #2.

Anyway.

We headed to my parents' house for Christmas (or as I like to call it my Dad and Jesus's birthdays). We set out our stockings...

Luckily Santa found the house...

CF and I used my parents' snowshoes before and after they got 18 inches of snow.

The snowshoes did not do us much good after the 18 inches, but it was good exercise trekking through all that snow!

And we saw the Trans Siberian Orchetra...

Tonight we are off to a New Year's Eve party out (adding another 2 hours of driving in each direction). I will be back next year...probably as infrequently as I have been here recently. I have a lot of data to try to get together in the next few days to get a poster together by Tuesday to print out before I head to a conference next weekend.

Hope you all have had a good holiday season! Happy New Year!

Who dat?

These song lyrics illustrate nicely one of my writing pet peeves. Is it obvious to you?

Song #1

Consider me a memory.
Consider me the past.
Consider me a smile in an old photograph, someone who used to make you laugh.

Song #2

And a part of you might hate me
But son, please don’t mistake me
For a man that didn’t care at all

Random good

1. The final product after I brought my tree home!

 2. Groupon. If you have not heard of it, check it out. One groupon I bought was $15 for $33 of produce (organic) delivered to my home. Almost tempting to sign up for the service, but for now, I will stick to the cheaper grocery store produce. Anyway, Here is the list of what I got earlier this week:

This is what it looked like:

All unpacked with other stuff I already had:

With the fennel, I made a potato fennel soup that was delicious. I, of course, did not follow the recipe to a T. I used some veggie broth, no fennel seeds, and did not use a blender, just a hand masher to make it chunky in the pot. Quick and easy.

3. A childhood friend on FB is doing something fun. If you message her a number, she will post her take on you on her wall. This is what she wrote about me:

Spending time with your family as child made such a positive impact on me. I LOVED being at your house. It seems as though you are truly making your mark on world. You are so smart, and you seem to be truly happy. I always knew you would. You are still the sweet kind girl I knew all those years ago.

4.  While my grant reviews were odd, I have a phone appointment with my Program Officer. My PI was also quite surprised that they made such a big deal out of my undergrad grades. She and I discussed how all of their concerns were addressable. Then she also suggested I start thinking about a paper to help me focus on the experiments to complete figures, maybe even write an introduction and methods. She thinks it is feasible to have a decent draft by the next submission date in April. Holy crap!

5. A good haircut.

6. Window "candles" that have sensors so they come on at night and go off on their own in the morning. So much better than trying to round up more plug-in timers.

6. Christmas is just a couple of short weeks away. Lots to do before then! An NFL game, CF work party, a trip to see the lights up at the zoo, and some experiments to get done for a meeting in January!

Tree spa day

Last weekend, CF and I went and got our trees. There was even a reindeer! Later, when people were not around, I made kiss-y noises and he came right over to get pet.

CF cutting down my Colorado Blue Spruce.

Then after we pulled it on a little cart, my tree got a massage while CF and I drank hot chocolate and cider. I think it was a Swedish massage because there was lots of shaking. The tree did come out of its massage free of dead leaves (and hopefully spiders!).

Then my tree got a special twine wrap. Nice and tight so it fit in my trunk.

Then, to make sure the tree stands nice and straight, they straightened the tree out and drilled a hole in it!

Then we went and found a Fraser Fir for CF and repeated the process with his tree.

Fast and easy

I think I found the two quickest recipes on epicurious. I did not follow them to the T, but they both taste great! The first time I made the brussels sprouts recipe I had the right cheese and the white beans and it was good. The pork chop there was actually cooked according to a lamb chop recipe; I have yet to make the yoghurt sauce because I think that would be better with lamb chops than with pork chops. I would recommend both for a relatively fast week day dinner!

Getting defensive

I submitted a grant proposal back in August that would provide my salary if funded. The review of applications and funding decisions are made over the course of months. I already knew my scores from the committee review and that they generally meant "solid proposal with several minor concerns" and are borderline to what gets funded in general. Apparently after the committee meeting though, the individual agency has some subjective/objective ability to decide to whom they give their money, and my PI suggested I contact the program officer (PO) after I got comments back, particularly because I have additional preliminary data.

Only the comments I received, for the most part, are nothing I can address without sounding defensive (I think). There were a few main concerns that came through the critiques.

1. Reviewers wondered whether I was the person who generated the preliminary data in my grant. I suppose I could have stated in there that I generated the data (although a grad student did collect the samples I used for some of the experiments). I think I used "we", and maybe that was a red flag? Writing conventions in the sciences are in flux though, and many people still use "we" even if they really mean "I". Although I recognize that in some labs data might be handed over to increase funding and not all post-docs are competent and sometimes research hits serious snags that limit the amount of data, I had been in the lab 8 months. I would hope I had generated some data. So yes, the data are mine. And yes I had other data I did not squeeze in. I could easily let the PO know this by telling him I have generated additional promising preliminary data on top of the data I had generated for the proposal.

This also made me think about how I should present data when I resubmit my proposal. After all, some of the data will then be data generated by the students who I have been supervising. That requires quite a bit of time in and of itself. I developed working protocols and gathered reagents for techniques that had not been done in over 10 years in the lab (and which I had never done myself). I consult with them on a daily basis and try things when they do not work for the students. While I also do my "own" research, the project I am specifically working on is, in fact, a collaboration that is currently coordinated by yours truly.

2. Of big concern were my mediocre grades in college, particularly in science courses, that were not consistent with my excellent letters of reference. The details of my defense would be irrelevant to the PO, but here they are: I went to an Ivy League school and took 3 to 4 science classes (with a couple of labs) each semester for my first two years. Neither my faculty nor my peer advisor suggested I take it easy to adjust to college, something that likely would have resulted in better science grades. But heck, I even got a B in a physiology class my first year when a bunch of other bio majors were taking introductory biology?! Whatever. I was a B student. At an Ivy League school. FYI to anyone out there giving advice to high school college applicants: Apparently a B average at a more prestigious school is not likely to be the same as an A average at a less prestigious school.

Oh. And did I mention that I graduated almost 10 years ago so all but a couple of those classes were taken 10 to 14 years ago? My references were scientists who have known me since college - mentored, trained, and taught me, and value the research I have done. I think they would know how well I am able to apply knowledge to research. Since receiving mediocre grades in college, I have taught English abroad, was a research tech getting lots of research experience and a publication, was a grad student with all As (or higher!) and finished in 5 1/2 school years while TAing the entire time and being involved in two other activities on campus and getting 3 publications and I just completely switched research areas and would really like a training grant. Thanks.

3. The third concern was just about the lack of specificity in my PI's training plan for me. I am not so concerned about that one.

Of course, these reviews have discouraged me because no one had any problems with my proposed research (aside from questions about who generated the preliminary data) but other details that could be easily explained. While I like writing papers and grants, reading publications and coming up with questions and experiments, and working at the bench, I question whether I want to do all of that all at once as a post-doc and junior faculty. It will be many years before I would likely have a group to do the brunt of the benchwork. I also do not want to write grants incessantly and not get funding. Because funding is so tight, even strong research proposals do not get funded.

Since I read through the feedback earlier in the day, I am once again wondering how I want to use my PhD, how much research I really want to do, how much teaching I really want to do, if running a lab is really what I want to do, if just teaching or just research would be a smarter route to take. So many questions to answer before I can figure out what I want to do when I grow up.

Comfy?

Why my cat thinks laying on crinkly packing paper is the thing to do when there is a feather comforter on the bed or her favorite lap blanket on the couch is beyond me.

9 months

As much as I would only freak out briefly if I were to have a little bundle of joy in 9 months (and then probably be really happy about it, I am not starting a 9 month experience, but rather finishing one. I finally got a clean bill of cornea health from the eye doctor yesterday and he gave me contacts! Woohoo! It is strange to look around and not see the frames of my glasses. I am trying one-day disposables for dry eyes and am happy to report that day 2 is going well and my eyes are not angry with me for sticking things in them again.

I was really excited about having contacts yesterday when I got back from the ophthalmologist. (That is just a fun word to say.) I made some comment that a corneal ulcer was the most painful thing I have ever experienced. My grad student (the good student) made some comment about corneal ulcers versus childbirth. I have no experience in the latter, but would certainly not wish a corneal ulcer on anyone.

Friends

CF spent a weekend in WI for an interview recently and saw a bunch of his friends, some of whom will not be there when we are in town for Thanksgiving this weekend. As a matter of fact, the friends we stay with are leaving T-day and we are dog sitting their Boston terriers for the weekend. Then CF was asking about Christmas and when we would be leaving and returning from my parents' house. Well, the way I see it, we should spend at least as much time at my parents over Christmas as we do with his friends over Thanksgiving! Then I started adding up how much time I have seen my family in the past year, and I am pretty sure it is less than we spent with his family in Germany. Not that I am going to keep a tally, but it would be nice to spend a bigger chunk of time with my family than a weekend ever four or five months. This also exemplifies why I think the two of us living in the Midwest indefinitely is silly - we have to fly to see both families and there is all our vacation time for the rest of our lives.

Anyway, all this and CF not wanting to move and thinking about realistically how long I think it will be until I can write up a paper REALLY got me missing my friends too. I have managed to have email conversations with some friends recently and discovered lots of people check in here, which is great! Hi, people. :-) Thank you for emails and phone calls and postcards and FB likes and posts. I owe many people calls and emails back, but in the meantime, I think of you often even if I do not get in touch as frequently. Have wonderful weekends with those you love. Me? Yes, I am looking forward to a full weekend with CF...and also the one-week old who will be at Thanksgiving.

30,000

I have now been in the Midwest for just over a year (?!). In that time, I have put 30,000 miles on my car. This is THREE times the mileage I would put on my car in a year when I lived in the Boston area. That is what a couple of half cross-country trips and commuting 60 miles or more a day will do, I suppose.

I have also had my brakes and a bunch of "little" things that are $100 - $200 each done. All of these things are regular maintenance, but when you add the miles on so quickly, the maintenance gets done more frequently.

Yesterday, I managed to do some non-maintenance damage to my car. When I parked, my front bumper was on the curb. I just figured I would drive off it when I was done at the end of the day as you do when your bumper hits the curb. What's a bumper for, right? So I did.

I heard the plastic scratching and got out to see if everything looked okay. It did, but the plastic thing that looks like a vent on the bottom of the bumper had popped out. I stuck it in the car to put back when I got home. Then when I got home, I saw that I probably should have put it back in before driving home. The front of the (plastic) tire well had popped off (it had torn around the screws holding it to the bumper) and had worn away on my drive home, and my bumper on that side had popped out. So I tore the rest of the hanging plastic off and finally got my bumper back on.

I figured I had fixed it enough to drive and this would just be one of those things about my car. But as soon as I got on the highway this morning, I could tell there was a piece of plastic rubbing the tire. So I pulled off the next exit, got some duct tape at the gas station and taped it up best I could. I guess duct tape was correctly located with the automobile accessories. It seemed quiet the rest of the way to work, but this is clearly not a permanent solution.

CF says hindsight is 20/20, which is true. I just get so frustrated and angry with myself when I make totally preventable mistakes. Everybody makes mistakes. I wish mine were on the cheaper end of things.

Orange

I have been cooking a lot of orange foods recently. I used my buttercup squash to make a soup I mentioned recently, which was tasty. Then I used the hubbard squash to make a pumpkin apple crisp (see comments section for recipe). The squash had a sweet smell when I cut it, so I figured it would make a good substitution for pumpkin. Then I got an email from Real Simple today with a recipe I could not resist. Usually I am not too inspired by their recipes, although they usually are meant to be quickish to prepare which is nice. I am glad I stopped off to pick up some sweet potatoes for this one though!

The best part of the sweet potato recipe? I did not have to cut and peel a squash. Those winter squashes are HARD to process. They made my hand and wrist hurt (maybe I should start going to the gym again?), and I am pretty sure that my peeler and one of my knives are duller for all of the work.

What you need to get by

Yesterday I trekked to Ikea. I think I could spend hours wandering there to see what they have...Oh, wait. That is what I did. I similarly visited a Trader Joe's last weekend and went a little crazy there too. But it got me thinking about if I limited myself to a certain number of stores, what would they be.

The bare minimum would be Ikea, Trader Joe's, and Target. I think I could literally get anything I would need ever from these stores. Above this minimum, I would add a good farmer's market and something like Ann Taylor for nicer clothes (although I admit I do have a skirt suit from Target!).

I did go in to Ikea looking for two specific things: straw Christmas ornaments and a $4.99 17 piece container pack for CF. (He recently commented that he needed some of those ornaments and his roommates just moved out after depleting his stash of containers over the past couple of years and he refuses to shop anywhere but Target and Tractor Supply Company.) Then the containers turned out to be THE perfect container I had been looking for to get for my students doing Western blots in lab. That may not mean much to you, but do you know how impossible it is to find inexpensive plastic containers with a completely flat bottom that only curves up at the edges?

 

I also wanted to check out their couches. If I could buy one now, it would be one of these. Both are sleeper couches; the first one is part of a modular series.

Then I also got some candles that smell amazingly like spiced apples, some scentless colored candles (which are nearly impossible to find, even at Target?!), and some Swedish food.

Trader Joe's, on the other hand, would easily provide all the groceries I would need. I bought a lot of Yogi tea recently, as it is my new favorite brand, and they come with fortunes/sayings on the bag tag. They are all quite boldly flavored but smooth, like a good porter. :-) I got the Lemon Ginger (for digestion), Kava Stress Relief, and Cold Season. I think that may have been all TJ's was carrying at the time, but there are many other types. True to TJ's purpose, their regular price for these teas was less than the sale price I recently paid at the regular grocery store. It is amazing what you can get for how little at TJ's! I also bought this Yerba Mate tea, which TJ's sells for half of what GNC advertises and chocolate covered almonds and ginger for snacking at work, among other things.

Target? Well, it is Target. Need I say more?

I should add...

I participated in a workshop on cross-culture leadership and communication recently. It was a useful discussion about any interactions between generations, genders, international cultures, etc., and was a good participatory group. One of the stories I shared about moving to the Midwest was how difficult it has been for me to deal with the fact that everything starts late (and is usually expected to do so!). I like to be on time. Period. Call it the New Englander in me, but when you have an appointment or are giving a lecture or leading a class, I believe those things should happen on time barring any unforeseen events. I will even give you that traffic or a student dropping in unexpectedly who you have to politely ask to touch base later totally count (although in theory you could have left super early or checked the traffic report or something). Other things like meeting a friend for coffee are different. Professionally, I guess, I expect people to go by pre-established and agreed upon times.

My example of this "Midwest time" situation (seriously, that is what the students call it, only with the state's name inserted for 'Midwest') was that my undergraduate supervisee was perpetually late. I told him that he needed to be on-time, on-time, not "Midwest on-time", when he specifically asked about this point. I went on to tell him that I think it is disrespectful to me and my time that he is perpetually late because I have other things I could do.

I think a couple of people at the table thought that was harsh and a poor way to handle it given their surprised looks. (Would they have been surprised if a man shared the same story? That is another question.)

What I should have gone on to say is that I also told this student that we should brainstorm about better ways to manage his research to allow him more flexibility in his schedule so that this would not be such a problem. I, of course, am the only one who came up with ideas.

I also could have then pointed out that these ideas have not worked, despite his apparent support of them, because he has not followed through on his responsibilities, but whatever. I tried the easy going; I tried the blunt; now I just recognize that his time in lab is not to save time for me or get any real research done quickly nor contribute to his understanding of lab research. Oh, well.

Lucky blog readers, you.

I am friends with one of my grad student supervisees on FB now. Therefore, I cannot share certain work-related things (i.e. irritations) on FB anymore...

Dear Male Undergrad,

You are not cool smacking your chewing gum and reclining in the chair while cutting thin sections of tissue in your sweatpants.

Close your mouth when you chew and put clothes on. Please try not to cut yourself on the really sharp blade.

Also, when I say twice that I want you to summarize two figures and print it out for me, you know, like an assignment? I do expect you to print it out and not just email it to me. It would be nice if you would stop doing whatever the hell you feel like instead of what I ask you to do. I tell you why I ask you to do specific things so that you will not think I am being difficult; so please do not be difficult yourself.

Thanks,
Me.

Squashed

I bought some squashes at the last farmer's market of the season. If I had looked for recipes ahead of time, I would have bought WAY more. I always liked the pumpkin soup when I lived in Australia, but I find pumpkins more difficult to deal with. This soup looks like a good alternative. I have never cooked a hubbard squash, but these recipes ought to help me cook that up.

This recipe was the inspiration for my dinner. I used some frozen butternut squash, chicken and prosciutto tortellini, onion, garlic, tomato, and fresh dried oregano.

Singeable

I asked one of the rotating grad students yesterday what kind of music she listens too because she was raving about this song and played it for me. She said a little of everything and reciprocated the question. Well, in high school I mostly listened to the alternative radio station; slowly over the years through college I started adding more folk-like music in; a couple of years ago I started listening to country. And through it all a healthy mix of popular music in there too. Really I gravitate towards mix radio stations. What it comes down to, though, is that I like music with which I can sing along. A couple of days ago I heard this song for the first time and have been listening to it online all morning. Guess that means I should just buy it.

Silver lining

Life is not bad, per se, but I am feeling somewhat apathetic about life. CF will not move. Period. To him, asking me to move in with him and spend 2 1/2 to 3 hours a day commuting (total) is reasonable; moving half-way between our places of work is not because he does not feel like moving before he is done with school (which is sooner than later, presumably). I am getting some stuff done for my own research, but my undergrad is a waste of time and my grad student is pretty busy with classes to do the experiments he wants to do. But, as disappointed as I am with life in general at the moment, and as sad as it is to have shortened days, I get rewarded by watching the sunrise from my desk and the occasional amazing sunset.

These pictures I took with my phone while I drove 80 mph down the highway do not do the sunset tonight justice. It rivaled a sunrise I saw from a plane window up north near the arctic somewhere. Seriously, I got a little teary looking at it as I drove. There were rays of light, colorful clouds, silver cloud tops.

I came home and played my flute for a bit for the first time in months. Then found two more amazing apartments to rent which CF again said no to. I give up.

Oh, yeah - I also stabbed myself with a micro-scalpel today at work. That felt awesome.

Focus

It is difficult to focus on work when you get a phone message from your boyfriend telling you his roommates are moving out next month and an email saying he is going to have an interview in another state.

I have work to do, for crying out loud?!

More on this later...you know...down the road when we figure out what is going on.

Fall ingredients

It's amazing how much I can do if I get home at a reasonable hour - spinach salad for dinner, laundry, and baking so far (never mind a rare blog post)!

I turned my heat on one morning a couple of weeks ago, but have managed to resist since. This morning I had to scrape my windows. Someone posted about pumpkin cookies on the FB today, so I had to make these again. I think it is fall.

I also had some plums and a couple of apples. I tossed them in with some frozen berries and made a topping much like this one, but did not mix the fruit with sugar or pour melted butter over the top like in the recipe. I figure now it is okay if I eat it with plain yogurt for breakfast.

PSA: Plums stain your fingers.

On to some TV, a glass of vino, and a grocery list.

The small things

A recent birthday post over here, and the subsequent link to her project, reminded me of some random acts of kindness I myself performed. Stephanie just turned 35 and has decided to 36 specific things to, well, be nice. Her point is that even if you do not have money, you likely have more than someone else.

I have not recently make any decision to commit to a large project, but I have done a couple of things military related. Much like Stephanie, I think war is stupid. I like to think of war as grown-up boys using real people to play G.I. Joe. But, the people who fight for our country and protect our freedom and country are amazing.

A childhood friend has done three tours. For each tour, he has left behind a wife and children. I have seen many of our old neighbors over the years, but he and his wife have always been too far away to be at most get-togethers. Last spring I sent them a note. I thanked them for the sacrifices they make and let them know that many more people think and pray for them than they probably realize and that I was so glad that their family is together. Shortly thereafter, his wife sent me a thank you for my thank you via the Facebook.

More recently I was traveling to a friend's wedding. Her husband served in Iraq, actually. On my first plane, the man next to me was quite chatty. He ended up sitting next to me at the bar and bought one of my beers. So that was nice! Anyway, it was a long narrow crowded airport bar and a soldier ended up standing near me. I asked if he needed to get into the bar, and he proceeded to tell me that they were not going to serve him further down the bar because there were no seats, so I offered he and the other soldier my (one) seat. They had about nine minutes until their plane boarded, had left Iraq something like 46 hours earlier, and wanted an American beer on American soil. So when the bartender got over to me, I bought the two of them a beer and closed my tab. The best part was that the woman totally beat the man downing her beer. There were handshakes and they were off to their flight.

Now this recent story bothered me the most because they had managed to make their way far down the bar without someone else asking them if they needed to get into the bar. Presumably others heard the bartender tell them they could not be served without a seat at the bar and did nothing. The people around me (who were clearly business travelers with money versus my science-reading, jeans-wearing self) heard the man tell me this story. And I was the only one who thought to buy them a beer? I think I can spare $15 (this was beer in an airport remember) for them sacrificing their lives for me and my country.

So tired...

So I started this post over the weekend, did not post it, and now have deleted most of it. Suffice it to say life is busy, and I am exhausted. I think of all sorts of academia-related and life-related things to post, but then do not feel like it or do not have time when I get home at night. September FLEW by after the summer all of a sudden disappeared. I have no idea how fast October will go by, but I am guessing before I know it, it will be 2011.

Anyway. I have been busy, as I am sure the rest of you people are...you know, if anyone is reading. :-) Labor Day weekend we went to visit CF's friends/American family, then I walked 50 km and caught up with my sister (I like multi-tasking), then some family was in town for 4 days, then I sorta had a free weekend but had to make a research poster for the one-day research conference today and three days of a conference the beginning of next week, then on Thursday I leave for a friend's wedding, then I come back and work on Columbus Day some, because even though I expect at least a holiday every month after living in Massachusetts*, I have work to do. My undergrad is back now too, and he sucks up my time.
That weekend I had "free" though, I bought these:

Then I was at a one-day conference last Saturday, tried to catch up on things like laundry (which was more difficult given my washing machine was waiting on repairs) and ironing on Sunday because I had to wear business to business-casual for the three day meeting this week, only to go to lab for almost a full day on Thursday and fly out late afternoon on Thursday for a friend's wedding. Hmmm...I still have not pressed my dress for the wedding. It is kinda good that CF is in Canadia for a conference right now because wanting to see him and trying to coordinate during the past week would have been undoable. we meet at the airport on the East Coast Thursday night though, and I am looking forward to seeing him and lots of my best college friends this weekend!

See ya sometime else on here...maybe later than sooner the way life is going.

Critters

Some of my family was visiting recently, and my Mom stayed with me for the weekend while the boys did the big college football thing. We came home one night, I went to put my key in the door and there was a cute tree frog sitting on the handle! My Mom put it in the bushes, but it took some coaxing.

A few days later, I found a big toad that had burrowed into the softer dirt in my garden. It was there for a few days.

There are a few holes in the garden too that I believe belong to the moles (?) that have done a number on the lawn.

There is a cricket in the hallway, but I cannot find it. It stops making noise when I open my apartment door.

Today, I went back out to my car to bring more stuff in. This was on the window! The one critter I have a picture of. Unfortunately I could not get my camera to focus on the body of the moth. It would be well camouflaged in a pile of fall leaves, huh?

This is how it works

After walking 50k for a fund and awareness raiser with my sister, this was a lovely site to see!

It is unusual for she and I to spend one-on-one time together because there is usually other family around. So we got to chat a lot! I was telling her stories about CF. One story in particular clearly left her baffled, and she wondered out loud how it is that opposites attract. Here is the story.

CF and I visited his American home over Labor Day weekend. At 12:30 p.m. on Monday, we were heading for a fourth day in a row at the fair before driving six hours home. We split the driving so the other can sleep; I was working on Tuesday morning. On the way to the fair, I asked when he wanted to leave to make sure he had thought about that and to tell him I just wanted to know ahead of time because I was working Tuesday. He did a little figuring with some wiggle room and said we would be on the road by 4. I could deal with that because it meant I would be in bed by 11, and the wiggle room gave about an hour of unexpected conversations at the fair with people we had not run int yet. (I like the fair too, so I was not just being pushed around. Don't worry.)

Fast forward to 3:30. We were still at the fair, but grabbing a loaded baked potato on our way out. We happened to run into people (figures), and chatted while we ate, thus using up the wiggle room in the schedule. We finally got in the car around 4:15 -  not too bad.

But wait...after spending 3.5 days in town and now running late on our way home, CF decides he needs to stop at a store in town to look for clothing with his favorite football team's logo. He already has logo clothes at home. In case it is not clear, we had also been there THREE DAYS ALREADY. I asked him if he seriously needed to stop. And when he asked, yes I was mad. I informed him I was also going to go to sleep as soon as we got on the road so I did not have to talk to him and that he could not do stuff like this with children. Of course, with traffic, the drive took longer, and I got to go to bed at 1 a.m. only to get up at 5:30 to go to work. Sweet.

But we do work somehow. We sit on the couch with our computers together. We like to watch sports and romantic comedies (shhh...don't tell himI told you about the movies!). We like to be outdoors. I like to travel; his family lives in Germany. We cook for each other. We like to sleep in (although my sleeping in is earlier than his sleeping in). We spoon well. We have been together and helped each other through tough stuff (that's what happens after almost  two years together). I need to remind myself to continue sharing the good stories and not just his ridiculousness. (I am sure I am never ridiculous.)

You know what else makes it work though? After walking all weekend and my sleep schedule being all random for over a week, I got home at 1 in the morning to these:

...and CF asleep on the couch with my cat...and dinner on the stove.

I figured it out!

I have been reading Animals in Translation by Temple Grandin. CF talks about her a lot because she has had a positive impact on the animal agricultural industry - specifically she has changed how animals are handled and treated to minimize fear and pain. It is a really interesting "read" (I admit, I am listening to it in the car). If you have not heard of Temple Grandin before, she is a woman with a PhD in Animal Science and autism. She relates her experiences with autism to animals and their perceptions and reactions to the world. This particular book seems like a great commentary on science for a general audience. I would highly recommend it to people who themselves have autism or whose family members do. It is amazing what this woman has accomplished.

She also explained why my cat does things like stare at the wall in the morning. After I get ready for work and are getting ready to head out, the cat is frequently sitting in my bedroom door staring at the wall. I wondered if there were bugs or animals she could hear in there. Temple Grandin writes about how animals' visual system makes them drawn to contrasts in color and/or light. So one morning I discovered that the sun comes up and shines right in the window and the window screen makes a moving pattern in the light. I realized the cat expects this bright strip on the wall every morning. She must sit and wait for it because it is so fascinating to her!

Apparently there is also a recent movie about her that was well received. I will probably end up seeing it at some point.

Awkward

In graduate school, we had a student invited speaker from whom I had taken an animal behavior course as a college junior 10 years earlier. I got all excited at lunch when it was my turn to introduce myself, and said I had taken his class, the year, and that I had done my undergrad thesis with his close colleague/friend. I clearly did not do a good job introducing myself, given his response. He was totally taken aback and did not know what to say. He clearly did not remember me, and I guess did not know how to diplomatically continue the conversation. Was I too excited?

This past spring, I re-met a PI who had given a talk at my grad department. She was also the undergrad advisor and technician PI after graduation to a good friend from grad school. As a matter of fact, he was supposed to go to her lab this summer to do some work, which would have been nice because it's close to my current lab, but I digress. I introduced myself to her grad student, then later to her when she came to my poster and I noticed her name tag. Actually, when I think about this situation, I think she was just kinda quiet because she is shy. It was still awkward though because I had not thought out what to do after sharing my big revelation that her former advisee is my good friend!

The two rotating grad students in the lab right now are great. I asked the new rotator what year she graduated, because I have a friend who went to the same small college and studied biology. It potentially could have been awkward because new rotator and I had not talked much previously and I just sorta asked her randomly this morning. With she and "my" rotating grad student, it has never been awkward. We are all science-y people in that we like doing research and talking about science. Even though I would go out on a limb and say that scientists as a whole have their own way of interacting (or not) with people, my lab seems largely made up of people who are comfortable talking in general. That certainly helps prevent awkward moments!

I started thinking about these a couple of weeks ago as I tried to compose an introductory email to someone at my university who I had never met. She is the head of a big center on campus; we will call her Head of Big Center (HBC). HBC formally worked for a female alumna of my graduate department. The alumna mentioned HBC when I saw her at graduation (she was being honored as a female alumna of the sciences), and that I should contact HBC. HBC sent a very nice and enthusiastic email back, and we are meeting for lunch next week. I need to think ahead of time things I would like to know about HBC's Center and how I can be involved to avoid an awkward lunch with someone of influence.

In the abstract

I am giving out lab's presentation at the department retreat and submitting two meeting abstracts in September. [Abstract = summary of your presentation-to-be at the meeting.] So when a big international meeting announcement went out for a city nearby, I did not really think to submit an abstract. Three presentation, two students, and my own research seems like enough to juggle this fall...I want to break into this junior faculty thing slowly.

This big meeting is the type with physicians, politicians, biomedical researchers, basic science researchers, and who knows who else. It is the type of meeting I have not yet experienced, and my training grant will cover it, so I figured I would just attend. I am all for the assertion that if you are attending a meeting you should present, but even my PI was wishy-washy about this meeting while pointing out it would be a good experience. Apparently "my" grad student supervisee wants to present! He sent us an abstract draft from his visit home to TX three days before the deadline, only the mutant we use is from another lab and that PI should go on the abstract so we need her approval but then we got a vacation notice when she sent the abstract for approval and AHHHHH!!!!

Anyway. The abstract got submitted, but not before my PI and I discussed at length how much data to put in the abstract. We ultimately settled on combining the grad student and my research for a fuller picture, but minimal data in the abstract beyond what people could figure out on their own if they are so inclined to scientifically stalk the lab. This is because, as open and friendly as science is supposed to be, sometimes people maliciously scoop you. [Maliciously scoop = repeat your experiments/idea and publish the results before you in an intentional malicious manner.]

I did not worry about being maliciously scooped in grad school, mostly because my advisor was not known in the field in which I was doing my research so it was unlikely for someone to intentionally scoop her. My current PI is known in the field and has many close and, well, less close colleagues. I have told my grad student that if a scientist maliciously scoops me down the road and it causes a serious road block in my career, I would likely quit. I do not mean this lightly, and it would need to be the right combination of factors, but quitting and teaching at a private high school would likely make me at least as much money as a professor at a small liberal arts school and truly get me the summers off.

While my post doc lab is proving to be a good experience in many ways, learning to include enough information in an abstract and navigate the politics and collaborations and competitors of science will likely be some of the more useful skills.

Off to put the finishing touches on that retreat presentation...

Discipline

I do not think I have enough discipline for a career...in anything...

That may a bit of an overstatement, but I do have a hard time sticking to a plan to work, and it is even worse if I do not think about my weekend ahead of time and when I will do my work that needs to get done and when I will do other chores or errands (or watch TV or read a novel).

Take this weekend as an example. This coming week is our department retreat; I am giving the lab's talk at the retreat. This is the first time I have presented this research area and my more recent data to anyone outside our lab group. (I completely changed fields when I started my post-doc, so the subject area was totally new to me nine months ago.)

Now. One might think I had my presentation drafted a week ago to give myself time to practice it and do some reading (particularly the four review articles my PI just emailed out last week), but noooooo....I am procrastinating by checking my email and facebook obsessively. I washed my feather comforter because I found that it was mildewy in its bag, and that takes some attention to keep fluffing it. The sad thing is, I have received maybe a few emails all weekend and FB is pretty quiet, but at least my feather comforter is not stinky anymore.

I was thinking about this when I took a walk today (5 or 6 miles and 92 degrees out...not the most brilliant thing I did this weekend). I have no idea why mentally I am not "in it" a good portion of the time. I am not historically a procrastinator, but have found in recent months that I do things at the deadline instead of ahead of time. But my PI is laid back about stuff like this and the grant person in the department thanked me for getting all my stuff to her so quickly (one day early), so I have to wonder if my tendency to do things so slow is apparent to others. Feeling like everyone else thinks I work hard all the time just exacerbates my behavior.

I think this feeling that I cannot focus and finish a task in a specific sitting makes me feel worse because I think of the other things I could do in the meantime. It also does not help that if CF and I are doing work on weekends, he goes about his work the same way and will say he does not have anything to show for his 7 hours of stats work.

The times I am most focused and productive on computer-based work is when I go to a coffee shop. The only thing I can do besides my work there is drink coffee! Maybe that will always be the best place for me to work? Maybe I will have an office/coffee shop in my home someday, complete with espresso machine and a barista uniform for CF? :-)

UPDATE: I managed to completely cut my power adapter cord for my computer by shutting it in a recliner when I was putting the foot down. Awesome. Guess I should make sure to email myself the file for when my computer dies. :-( Did you know power adapters are something RIDICULOUS like $60??

Brick red

When I moved into my own apartment my last year of grad school, a fellow grad student picked this side table up on his walk to campus because he thought I might want it!

The finish on it looked like it had clearly been wet a lot, because it was bubbly/cracking. I always thought about refinishing it. Then I found red paint I really liked and was going to use on a dresser. I was clever and started small though. After the mini bookcase, I moved on to the table.

I sanded down the table a bit just to get the top smooth, used the primer tinted with the paint, and applied 3 coats and the verathane finish. I basically would do a coat or two of whatever step I was on when I got home from work. I had some help along the way too.

This is the finished product. I do like the color! While I am tempted to paint one of my dressers this color, I do not know if I have the dedication for multiple coats of paint on a dresser. Sanding, cleaning, staining, and sealing seems like fewer steps.

I did not really "stage" the table. I moved my living room around so it is on the end though. Makes getting at the power strip and hard drive "hidden" under there much easier! I also cheated a bit - that drawer pull in the first picture? I just took it out, did not fill the holes, and have that side facing the wall (there is no drawer in the table, sadly). I need to measure how far apart the holes are and get a pull I like better. :-)

Sad

A few things that make me sad:

Thinking of older people who are alone. Used to think of my grandfather this way. Now I don't. I just feel sad about the other good old people who are alone.

The little kitty who was at my backdoor early (5:07, to be exact) Monday morning and earlier this evening. My cat was not too happy about it either time. Said little kitty ran away when I went to the door.

That my Mom is going through some beyond crappy stuff right now and is mostly physically, if not emotionally, alone, because my Dad has a job in another state and they mostly only see each other weekends.

That's all for now.

Decor

A while back I gave a tour of my walls. When we went to Germany, CF's aunt let us (well, me, but I think that was just because I was the guest) pick from some prints she had. These are prints of paintings done by a German artist. One of his series is of the Stages of the Cross, and another is the Creation Story. I picked two out that I liked and CF and I both liked this one:

The Hebrew means "Earth" and the painting is depicting the Third Day of creation.

I really like the matting and framing I had done and wonder if I should have gone for the non-reflective glass. I liked the basic glass better at the store, but now that it is hanging on my wall, there is a lot of reflection. Oh, well. It goes along well with the color scheme I have going around the house! I finished painting the side table I have too, so stay tuned for that revealing.

Why are you here?

My grad school department did not have many upper level lab courses (or many lab courses in general) for pre-med undergraduates to get their lab requirements in for med school admissions. On top of that, working on an independent project or having a faculty with whom you work can help get into med school (or any post-bachelor's program, but my school had a LOT of pre-med students).

In grad school I directly trained 3 undergrads, two of whom wanted to go to med school, the other went to grad school. Since starting my post-doc I have worked with one undergrad who wants to go to med school, a recent grad who got into one med school where he did not want to go (WHY APPLY THERE?!) so he's killing time for a year and re-applying, and one first-year grad student.

Three of the four pre-meds with whom I have worked are clearly not mentally present when they are in lab. They are distracted by their cell phones (while others may use them but are not distracted), come in late, do not seem to learn how to trouble shoot after weeks or months of me asking leading questions and giving suggestions, make excuses, and are excessively "apologetic" and "appreciative" (which I attribute to not feeling or being a member of a research team).

When my undergrad was apologetic after being late A LOT this past semester, I finally stopped him and laid it on the line. I actually told him that he needs to be respectful of my time. I told him that while I understand that working in a lab and doing a senior project will help students get into medical school, if that is the only reason he is in lab he is wasting my time. I told him I want him to feel like the project is his and to own it. Was I too blunt?

I am almost to the same point with the recent grad who is killing a year to reapply to med school. I am supposed to be helping him with a technique, but I am not directly supervising his project (the P.I. and lab manager are). As a result, I do not feel that I need to manage his time or progress. So when something did not work last week and he told me he would be out on Friday, I pointed out that he cannot knowingly continue with something that is unlikely to work or provide any answer just because he will be out on Friday and wants something to show for his time. If it was something on my project, I might have told him to start over and I would finish what he did not get to. (Luckily my rotating grad student is performing the same technique successfully for my project; I just cannot figure out what they are doing differently aside from caring.) Today I stuck around for a tenth hour in lab so I could be there when he made a decision to continue or not at the same point in the experiment that we had the conversation last week.

Anyway, the whole point of my rambling is that when I have my own lab I will attempt to figure out why a prospective student wants to be in the lab. If they tell me it is because they think my research topic is "interesting", they will not be invited to join. I find people who say things are "interesting" are not truly interested in those things. Many med students have a familial connection to a disease that truly does drive them to go to med school. While this makes for generic grad school essays, it is a MUCH better reason to do research than just to get into med school. If they tell me they are trying to make their med school application stronger and would really like the opportunity to work on a research project, I would likely have them join the lab because we would at least have a mutual understanding of expectations!

How I distinguish between prospective students being well prepared for the question and truly having an interest in my research, however, is going to be a learned skill.

Oh, yes. The fourth pre-med who was amazing? Well, after high school, she immigrated to the U.S. from a third world country, learned English, got an associates degree, transferred to a private liberal arts school, and paid her own way through all that. I think she had more life experience and appreciation for her hard work than the other three.

THE year

You know how people usually end up with a year with lots of weddings? So far this year is that year for me with a whopping four weddings (two college friends, a childhood friend, and a coworker). I have been thinking a lot about how etiquette "rules" work and how to approach each of these weddings (only one of which I am attending). Now for random points about each wedding that are related to etiquette.

The coworker is in his early twenties. He and his now wife are just finished or finishing their college degrees, both working to pay the bills while taking classes, and really nice (not that being nice is important to etiquette "rules", I just needed another descriptor). He watched my cat when I went on vacation this summer. I actually do not know if or where they were registered and gave them money. Where they are in life, I can imagine that money helps with lots of stuff, like the rent and bills, or to help cover their honeymoon, which I think is an important and wonderful way to embark on a new phase of your life with someone. Actually, this situation did not raise any confusion with me except that I did not go. One other coworker went. CF was not on the invitation, nor was "Jenski & guest". To be honest, this probably impacted my decision to not go. In the end, I really could have gone. Was it wrong that I did not go?

The childhood friend was getting married back East, and it just was not feasible for me to travel for that wedding. A real shame because it was like a mini neighborhood reunion with wonderful people. I sent them a check too, as it was easier than calling the local kitchen store where they registered to purchase something or give them a gift card (yay, supporting local businesses!). They have still not cashed the check almost two months later, but then again are more gainfully employed than the coworker.

I am in one of my college friend's wedding. The bridesmaids (minus one, tear) recently got together for some good (clean) East Coast fun. (See photo on left. I do not have a photo of her lobster wearing her engagement ring, but trust me, it is funny.) She, much like another friend whose wedding I was in, picked flexible affordable options and great color for our dresses (see my choice to the right).

I do not know if it is in etiquette books, but I think that being considerate of your attendants in this way is good. If I was asked to be in a wedding and then the dress I had to wear was $500 and/or hideous, could I back out of the wedding? Now, I know one friend chose a dress that we were more likely to wear again over one she liked more for her image of her wedding because the one she did not pick was too bridesmaids-y and unlikely to be work again. I did wear the bridesmaids dress she chose to another wedding, so that was nice. Given my previous wedding experiences (all three I have been in - my sister's and two friends), I think it speaks to the reasonable type of people I know or am related to that they think of what they want their wedding to look like and also good options for their friends.

As for the other college friend whose bachelor party I recently referenced, I was not in his main circle of friends in college but we have stayed in touch and seen each other over the years. One of my best friends and I were invited, but the wedding involves air travel and stay and coincides with a weekend I will have family in town; it was not, therefore, an option to go for both reasons. If my friend and I could both go, it would have been a good time and interesting (but I would not anticipate FUNFUNFUN) to see his other friends from college. Plus, given his and my history, I really would have wanted CF to come with me (and CF was invited).

I feel a little bad not going. This friend once told me about his ex's wedding he went to because he knew she would be upset if he did not go. I emailed him to tell him why I was not going to make it and he said he would miss seeing me and meeting CF and knowing him he really means it. I am torn on the wedding gift for them. I certainly would not purchase the girly travel kit they registered for and could do the practical place setting. Because I do not really know his fiancee, I am inclined towards their alternative "registry": donating to foundation in honor of his former teammate who committed suicide. They clearly made that an option because it is meaningful to them; does it matter if my inclination to do so is because I feel it is more a gift for him than for them? Really, I think my dilemma with what to give them is more a reflection of my college tendency to over analyze life and think I should go with the foundation donation. THEN, though, there is no where in the link to say why you are donating. So do I mention it in a card so they know I donated in their names?

In other news, I dreamt this morning that CF proposed to me. I dreamt two friends (who were my roommates, are now married, and whose wedding I was in) visited me while I was at my parents' house. For some reason I sorta knew in my dream, CF was coming over later. He was delayed and I was going to leave and head home (I guess in my dream we all lived within driving distance?), leaving my friends with my parents. Then he rushed in the door with a funny look on his face and I told him I was still going to head home and he could stay (not in an angry way), and I turned around and he was on one knee proposing and everyone there knew this was going to happen but me. When CF sent me a text earlier telling me he dreamt he was a relief pitcher for the Tigers, I did not mention my dream, just asked if he saved the game in his dream. :-)

Hot out of the oven

I have made this recipe for banana yogurt muffins a couple of times now. I added berries both times and did my usual switcheroos:
flour: one cup white flour, 2/3 cup wheat flour, 2 tablespoons flax meal
oil: a splash of oil and a little extra yogurt (could be why they stick to the muffin papers?)
more than a cup of berries :-)

K. My Sunday breakfast is over. Time for another 6 mile walk to prepare for this, blueberry picking, Sunday paper buying and reading, painting, and some scientific paper reading...although the dark storm clouds that have moved in over the past 10 minutes might have other plans for me.

Rough life

My cat has a rough life. She used to be able to curl up in my feather comforter after I took it off the bed.

I did not want her knitting on it though, so I packed it up.

After CF was here for a couple of days in a row, I came home, pet the cat, and then she sat and looked at the door. I figure she was wondering where that other person was?

I needed more yoga in my life, and did not pick my mat up right away. The cat practiced final relaxation pose, and I will say she looks pretty good at it.

She has a bad habit of knitting on the carpet. Today when she did it, I yelled at her and then put her scratch pad that she likes right where she had been going at the carpet. Apparently she decided she would show me...

...what she was showing me, I do not know. Maybe that she can curl up in a little area and then give me a dirty look?

Whassup?

I have been doing all sorts of stuff and thinking about all sorts of things to post about thanks to life and NPR. For now, I'll bombard you with what I have been doing that is not all work or thought-provoking. It is Friday and my brain is tired after all.

Earlier in the summer my strawberries came in the thin wood quarts instead of the green papery ones that fall apart. I felt like I should do something with them, so I tried out the paint I bought intending it for furniture and then found useful spots for them.

 

I have been looking for something to put my salt & pepper grinders in so they do not make a mess of the counter.

And all those travel games would be easier to dust around if I could move them en masse.

I like the red color, so I went ahead and tried it on a small piece of furniture. My bedroom furniture is on the list to redo, but a couple of the pieces I decided to stain. I think I will use the red on one of the dressers though. This was some inexpensive small shelf that I use as a nightstand now.

A little primer and paint later...

Lessons I learned from painting this: it is difficult to cover white primer with a dark paint. I will totally tint the primer next time. Definitely use a real brush, not a foam brush, for painting. I learned this early enough for coat two of the paint, but ended up with four coats to evenly-ish cover the white primer.

I have also been making fun stuff in the kitchen. When I was working on my grant, I made some tea with flowers (I think maybe hibiscus) that my friend brought me back YEARS ago from the Peace Corps in Africa.

I made it iced and drank it while working on my grant.

I also made refrigerator pickles. You just mix all the stuff in a jar and let it sit for a couple of weeks in the refrigerator. No need to boil water and seal the jars. I love these jars, and will likely get more at some point for storing kitchen stuff.

For the first time I have eye insurance and it covers a pair of glasses a year. So I finally got some prescription sunglasses. I feel fancy because they are a designer I have heard of. They make such a difference driving in the sun, and I am sure I will be happy to have them come winter with the sun reflecting off the snow.