THE year

You know how people usually end up with a year with lots of weddings? So far this year is that year for me with a whopping four weddings (two college friends, a childhood friend, and a coworker). I have been thinking a lot about how etiquette "rules" work and how to approach each of these weddings (only one of which I am attending). Now for random points about each wedding that are related to etiquette.

The coworker is in his early twenties. He and his now wife are just finished or finishing their college degrees, both working to pay the bills while taking classes, and really nice (not that being nice is important to etiquette "rules", I just needed another descriptor). He watched my cat when I went on vacation this summer. I actually do not know if or where they were registered and gave them money. Where they are in life, I can imagine that money helps with lots of stuff, like the rent and bills, or to help cover their honeymoon, which I think is an important and wonderful way to embark on a new phase of your life with someone. Actually, this situation did not raise any confusion with me except that I did not go. One other coworker went. CF was not on the invitation, nor was "Jenski & guest". To be honest, this probably impacted my decision to not go. In the end, I really could have gone. Was it wrong that I did not go?

The childhood friend was getting married back East, and it just was not feasible for me to travel for that wedding. A real shame because it was like a mini neighborhood reunion with wonderful people. I sent them a check too, as it was easier than calling the local kitchen store where they registered to purchase something or give them a gift card (yay, supporting local businesses!). They have still not cashed the check almost two months later, but then again are more gainfully employed than the coworker.

I am in one of my college friend's wedding. The bridesmaids (minus one, tear) recently got together for some good (clean) East Coast fun. (See photo on left. I do not have a photo of her lobster wearing her engagement ring, but trust me, it is funny.) She, much like another friend whose wedding I was in, picked flexible affordable options and great color for our dresses (see my choice to the right).

I do not know if it is in etiquette books, but I think that being considerate of your attendants in this way is good. If I was asked to be in a wedding and then the dress I had to wear was $500 and/or hideous, could I back out of the wedding? Now, I know one friend chose a dress that we were more likely to wear again over one she liked more for her image of her wedding because the one she did not pick was too bridesmaids-y and unlikely to be work again. I did wear the bridesmaids dress she chose to another wedding, so that was nice. Given my previous wedding experiences (all three I have been in - my sister's and two friends), I think it speaks to the reasonable type of people I know or am related to that they think of what they want their wedding to look like and also good options for their friends.

As for the other college friend whose bachelor party I recently referenced, I was not in his main circle of friends in college but we have stayed in touch and seen each other over the years. One of my best friends and I were invited, but the wedding involves air travel and stay and coincides with a weekend I will have family in town; it was not, therefore, an option to go for both reasons. If my friend and I could both go, it would have been a good time and interesting (but I would not anticipate FUNFUNFUN) to see his other friends from college. Plus, given his and my history, I really would have wanted CF to come with me (and CF was invited).

I feel a little bad not going. This friend once told me about his ex's wedding he went to because he knew she would be upset if he did not go. I emailed him to tell him why I was not going to make it and he said he would miss seeing me and meeting CF and knowing him he really means it. I am torn on the wedding gift for them. I certainly would not purchase the girly travel kit they registered for and could do the practical place setting. Because I do not really know his fiancee, I am inclined towards their alternative "registry": donating to foundation in honor of his former teammate who committed suicide. They clearly made that an option because it is meaningful to them; does it matter if my inclination to do so is because I feel it is more a gift for him than for them? Really, I think my dilemma with what to give them is more a reflection of my college tendency to over analyze life and think I should go with the foundation donation. THEN, though, there is no where in the link to say why you are donating. So do I mention it in a card so they know I donated in their names?

In other news, I dreamt this morning that CF proposed to me. I dreamt two friends (who were my roommates, are now married, and whose wedding I was in) visited me while I was at my parents' house. For some reason I sorta knew in my dream, CF was coming over later. He was delayed and I was going to leave and head home (I guess in my dream we all lived within driving distance?), leaving my friends with my parents. Then he rushed in the door with a funny look on his face and I told him I was still going to head home and he could stay (not in an angry way), and I turned around and he was on one knee proposing and everyone there knew this was going to happen but me. When CF sent me a text earlier telling me he dreamt he was a relief pitcher for the Tigers, I did not mention my dream, just asked if he saved the game in his dream. :-)