Discipline

I do not think I have enough discipline for a career...in anything...

That may a bit of an overstatement, but I do have a hard time sticking to a plan to work, and it is even worse if I do not think about my weekend ahead of time and when I will do my work that needs to get done and when I will do other chores or errands (or watch TV or read a novel).

Take this weekend as an example. This coming week is our department retreat; I am giving the lab's talk at the retreat. This is the first time I have presented this research area and my more recent data to anyone outside our lab group. (I completely changed fields when I started my post-doc, so the subject area was totally new to me nine months ago.)

Now. One might think I had my presentation drafted a week ago to give myself time to practice it and do some reading (particularly the four review articles my PI just emailed out last week), but noooooo....I am procrastinating by checking my email and facebook obsessively. I washed my feather comforter because I found that it was mildewy in its bag, and that takes some attention to keep fluffing it. The sad thing is, I have received maybe a few emails all weekend and FB is pretty quiet, but at least my feather comforter is not stinky anymore.

I was thinking about this when I took a walk today (5 or 6 miles and 92 degrees out...not the most brilliant thing I did this weekend). I have no idea why mentally I am not "in it" a good portion of the time. I am not historically a procrastinator, but have found in recent months that I do things at the deadline instead of ahead of time. But my PI is laid back about stuff like this and the grant person in the department thanked me for getting all my stuff to her so quickly (one day early), so I have to wonder if my tendency to do things so slow is apparent to others. Feeling like everyone else thinks I work hard all the time just exacerbates my behavior.

I think this feeling that I cannot focus and finish a task in a specific sitting makes me feel worse because I think of the other things I could do in the meantime. It also does not help that if CF and I are doing work on weekends, he goes about his work the same way and will say he does not have anything to show for his 7 hours of stats work.

The times I am most focused and productive on computer-based work is when I go to a coffee shop. The only thing I can do besides my work there is drink coffee! Maybe that will always be the best place for me to work? Maybe I will have an office/coffee shop in my home someday, complete with espresso machine and a barista uniform for CF? :-)

UPDATE: I managed to completely cut my power adapter cord for my computer by shutting it in a recliner when I was putting the foot down. Awesome. Guess I should make sure to email myself the file for when my computer dies. :-( Did you know power adapters are something RIDICULOUS like $60??