Peace

I had a good week. I am optimistic about my future. I am surprisingly sad at the prospect of leaving where I live. I submitted a paper. I am busy at work (in a good way) and outside of work. I have decisions to make.

I wish I had written this post earlier in the week.

I wish I had finished my Christmas and Hanukkah cards before today.

Alas, I did not, and there are parents facing the tragic loss of their children that I cannot begin to comprehend.

It is the week of 'Peace' during advent, and tonight I am wishing many people peace in their lives. Yesterday I would have been able to write a more calming 'Peace' post. Today, I will leave you with some thoughts by more articulate people that now take on a new meaning. From our church service last weekend:

We, Angels and Mortals, Believers and Nonbelievers, look heavenward and speak the word outloud.
Peace. We look at or world and speak the word aloud.
Peace. We look at each other, and then into ourselves.
And we say without shyness or apology or hesitation:
Peace, My Brother.
Peace, My Sister.
Peace, My Soul.                                               ~Maya Angelou

From our Associate Pastor's installation last weekend, the Prayer of St. Francis.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love.

Where there is injury, pardon.

Where there is doubt, faith.

Where there is despair, hope.

Where there is darkness, light.

Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen.

Culture clash

I recently spent a lovely evening with a friend at a community-based micro-finance type event. The project presentations of note were for a local neighborhood-based history museum, a high school community-building art project, and a dog park.There was also a 5th-6th grade group returning to give an update on the project they had received funding for last spring.

The dog park group wanted to build a shelter at the park and a rain collection system if they received the funding that night.

A student from the 5th-6th grade group asked how "they would get food at the shelter".

The dog park presenter went on and on for what seemed like forever, but was likely 30 seconds, about dog treats, and the dog owners bringing food if they want to, and how great it would be for people to share treats because dogs love treats.

I cringed. I hope it was inside. My friend noticed the same disconnect between an inner-city elementary school student's understanding of the word "shelter" and the dog park presenter's understanding. Don't get me wrong - a dog park would be a great way to attract people to move into a city that has fallen on tough times. The people who have stuck out those tough times need some recognition though.

I voted for the high school group that was competing. Dog park users probably have enough money to build that shelter if they pool their resources.

Wanted

You know what is amazing?

When you have close friends
and their friends
and newer friends
all telling you
to move back to them
or where you might move is not close enough
or don't leave this college town
because
we miss you
or
we will miss you.

Hope so

Hope...Sometimes hope feels far away. But hope is always there. Hope is the warmth of strong arms around you. Hope is the sad tears flowing, making room for joy. Hope is angry words bursting, making room for understanding. Hope is scared words asking for help, and finding that help is there. Hope is knowing that you are loved. Hope is knowing that you love others. Hope is holding tight to your mother's hand. Hope is your father's good-night kiss. Hope is remembering his kisses when he can't be there with you. Hope is finding happiness in simple things. Hope is daring to do something you've never done before. Hope is remembering that you are not alone. Many others feel just the way you do. Many others care. Hope is a candle flame in the darkness. Hope is the clear sky above the gray clouds. Hope is the glistening of the snow when the storm has passed. Hope is a heart that is open to the world around you. Hope is knowing that things change - and that we can help things to change for the better. Hope is always there inside you, waiting to unfold.

- Lauren Thompson

'Tis the week of the 'hope' candle in advent. 'Hope' is something I have been struggling with. While I think this excerpt is from a childrens' book, it helps separate the idea of hoping from wishing. I am fine with the present. The day-to-day. It is looking ahead to what will be going on 3 weeks or 6 months or 2 years from now that makes me want a glass of wine on my couch and then to curl up in bed.

In other randomness and to get into the holiday spirit, I finally treated myself to a nativity. I had been looking for one that was not super-breakable and not a bunch of white people. I got this from the Serrv shop at church, and they have other lovely ones.

 I got and put up and decorated my lovely tree all by myself. I am self-sufficient like that.

As needy as my cat often seems, you gotta admit she is awfully adorable when she cuddles in like this. She slipped and didn't make it up when she jumped up on a dining chair this evening. She either needs more exercise or is getting old or both.

 

Science and Religion

A wise man once said...

This has also led to a widespread belief that there is a conflict between science and religion. But this is not true. There may be a conflict between soft-minded religionists and tough-minded scientists, but not between science and religion. Their respective worlds are different and their methods are dissimilar. Science investigates; religion interprets. Science gives man knowledge that is power; religion gives man wisdom that is control. Science deals mainly with facts; religion deals mainly with values. The two are not rivals. They are complimentary. Science keeps religion from sinking into the valley of crippling irrationalism and paralyzing obscurantism. Religion prevents science from falling into the marsh of obsolete materialism and moral nihilism. - Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

What would you do? A quiz/survey!

Please vote in the quiz! I am curious to know how many people read somewhat regularly! Your answer will not be graded...

So pretend you've been in this relationship for approximately 3.5 years. Approximately. And you live quite a distance from the person with whom you are in this relationship. It has been a rough year. You both have a lot of things to worry about with your careers. Travel is complicated because it's sorta close enough to drive, sorta easier to fly,but regardless of how you travel you lose most of a day. You have to worry about out when to see each other and also family or friends or your visa status or doing laundry or your cat or washing your hair.

After briefly conversing about holiday options, you send an email suggesting that your relationship partner gave you the "cold shoulder" about Thanksgiving and also write about some visa stuff. (As in the I'm-a-foreigner-Visa, not I-need-a-credit-card-visa. TOTALLY hypothetical, like I said.) In response, the other person tried to call on his/her way home later that night, then writes back about why they have not given input, but also makes a statement that, "I just got home and want to relax in front of the tv with some tea before going to bed, so if you feel like talking on the phone for a change tomorrow night, let me know."

What would you do?

If the end of an email you received said, "if you feel like talking on the phone for a change tomorrow night, let me know," would you:
	have another beer and forget you read the email.
	call right away and be apologetic and ready to talk.
	call the next night at an hour between dinner and, oh, A Charlie Brown Christmas.
	(Silence)
	email right back and suggest a time.
	wonder who this person is who seems so annoyed by your inability to communicate and delete the email
	send some other communication but don't let on that you saw that email.
pollcode.com free polls

There are a couple of options that are more (hypothetically) life-like than the others. Do you pick what you would actually do or what you think someone in this simply hypothetical situation would do? Either way, it's getting late and I can't wait up hoping you'll call...I mean vote...





[As an aside, it is fun to go back and look at tags I have not used in a while! I learned something about my younger self by reading posts from 4 years ago. Funny, that.]

Thanks

'Tis the weekend to be thankful, and I am doing my best. This weekend, I have been thankful for:

• Sleeping until 8 every day.
• A two hour conversation with one of my oldest friends. Neither of us realized how long we were on the phone. She called me back to point out that it felt just like 9th grade.
• The end to a sore throat that I was worried would turn into more.
• My coffee pot breaking so I could get a great deal on Black Friday for a new one.
• That my new coffee pot has a timer and you can pour a cup before it is done brewing.
• Time to do lots of cooking/baking.

Pumpkin oatmeal bars (that I have determined are healthy enough for breakfast)
Carrot macaroni and cheese with Cabot extra sharp cheddar
Roasted mushrooms with tarragon and balsamic vinegar (a repeat recipe that is easy and delicious)
Having a dozen home-made rolls all to myself
"Healthy" mozzerella sticks
A fresh batch of chicken stock made in the crockpot

• A turkey dinner from my neighbor. I even got the leg because no one else wanted it!
• A couple of runs. Have I mentioned I discovered I can run 3.3 miles and average less than 11 minute miles? I only fit a couple in a week because it gets dark so early, and I have realized what I have eaten in the past couple of hours TOTALLY determines how the run goes.
• Getting a Christmas tree cut and up all by myself.
• Finishing almost all my Christmas shopping.
• Almost finishing my Dad's 60th birthday present. (Poor guy has his birthday on Christmas Eve.)
• Getting some work done - a little lab work and some reading and writing and reviewing.

I think that about covers it...

Fake it?

I do not think there is anything special about feeling like you can't cut it. Apparently I allude to the whole Imposter Syndrome thing about once a year too. I am having to remind myself of this as I have done less prep for my interview than I thought I would. I gave a practice talk at lab meeting today. The first thing my boss said was that my slides were great. She mentioned it a couple of times. I have to stop psyching myself out! I came home and tried on outfits to bring, and they look fine. Despite my paper not yet being submitted, I have been contacted by two great schools that liked my job application.

On my drive home today, I was thinking about how I could probably think of a time when any given person I know has doubted themselves in some way. I am really bad at keeping in touch with people, so if I know this about them, my guess it that it was not a one-time deal. I decided, though, that feeling inadequate or doubting yourself is a result of caring. Seems ironic that if you care about something and are a good person you would worry about your performance on anything from your job to your home life to your relationships instead of trusting you are doing what you can.

I'll take it

It is good that I have enough good to even out the car repairs that necessitated a rental car because they could not get the parts early enough in the day. For the record, my rented Chevy Sonics is tiny! Oh, and I need to submit my research paper somewhere. You can send science magazines a description of your paper and they will give you a perspective on whether they think it would be good for their journal. So far, several have suggested that my paper is not a good fit, but not to let that discourage me from submitting to their journal in the future. Okay.

On with the good! I have an on-campus interview next week, and will see turns out another phone interview at another school. I may have choices in this whole job search thing!

I remedied a failed Loft visit with a post-Sandy celebration of buying Loft clothes when their website went online. Best part? I now have dress pants that fit correctly for one of my interview days.

I tried on some of my dress pants at the end of the summer and they were a tad snug. Inappropriately tight. So, I decided more exercising is necessary. I have been jogging every once in a while when it is still light out because it is faster than walking. The time change makes this difficult. Yesterday I left work early and fit in a run. I realized that if I run a little slower, I can run further. Go figure. I did a 2.85 mile route without walking. I am quite proud...and still refuse to become a "runner". Pants are still tight, so the next step is to lay off the chocolate...or not buy more when it is gone...

I am heartened by the results and the numbers from the recent election. And that is all. Except for what I posted on Facebook that I have repeated to myself many times:

I promise to put myself in your shoes and recall the disappointment of my candidate losing if you promise to put yourself in my shoes and understand that this is what I think is best for our country.

My friend told me that he thinks I am ready to be a professor because I handled a small situation well and did not make a big deal out of it. He also told me that he still thinks I have become funnier, except that he feels there is something negative underneath. Like I will crack one day. He is not entirely wrong, as any of you regular readers may know. But at least I am funny.

I have done a couple of research things the past week, which is great. My friend (the grad student in the lab) and I have had some great science conversations. I am often the go-to person because our lab manager is splitting her time with another position on campus. This has been a great experience and just emphasizes to me that I am ready to move on.

I have a job talk that is almost ready to go. It has taken me over a week to get it to this point, but I think about it a lot so when I sit down to work on it, it is relatively quick. What I have NOT done is prepare for meeting with people at the college. It is going to be a stressful couple of days getting ready to go, but I have new clothes (see above point).

The whole point of this is that I'll take it. I am reminding myself of all the good to help let go of the bad and it seems to be working. Go me.

Inertia

It is only appropriate that I have been working on this post for several days - not sure how to put in to words what I am thinking and jumping between this, a job talk, job applications, getting organized for an interview, and then cleaning right after I make myself post this...


I came up with (or, maybe, Googled) a few quotes about inertia that felt particularly fitting to me right now, and I have been thinking about inertia in life for a while, and Danielle recently posted about something similar. I do not think that my points are well fleshed out though.

What I think we fear is rapid, pronounced, and uncontrollable changes to ourselves, and because of this we have a form of personality inertia - something that resists rapid change. - Simon Travaglia

I am trying to stay away from a blame game in my relationship with CF, and I think as a result start to wonder if I am crazy or if I am missing something. I can guess what any of you readers will say to this. ;-) CF suffers from the above type of inertia, I think. My sister rightly challenged my seemingly long list of complaints about my relationship with CF, particularly in regard to the fact that he has not finished his dissertation, to figure out why I get so worked up about the fact that he has not finished his dissertation, I explained that his dissertation has been an excuse for him not to do things, or to do them in a particular way, never with a compromise. This has been going on for two years. I still cannot figure out, nor has he shared, why he cannot just get it done. I have spent a lot of time trying to think about an instance in which he compromised or expressed his motivation for a particular decision with recognition of our relationship. Honestly, the only thing I can think of is when he pointed out that I am the only woman he has ever brought home to Germany with him. That was more than two years ago.

Human inertia makes the everyday environment, the furniture, as it were, appear to be a given. -Todd Gitlin

I am not sure what feels like a given right now. This makes me think about what might be 'safe' life decisions. Or riskier, depending on whose perspective it is. CF told me (via email) that he wishes nothing more than for me to find a job in his state and give that state a chance. I replied that I gave my current locale a chance three years ago, but that has not really gone anywhere, so why take the same chance again? I like the prospect of taking a chance back on the East Coast. Near friends and/or family.

Life leaps like a geyser for those who drill through the rock of inertia. -Alexis Carrel

I am trying to take this one to heart. I have been spending a lot of time at my desk and on my computer with the job search, and I feel completely unproductive in the lab. I try to convince myself it will pay off, but in reality, I need to keep being productive at the bench. People say that your research goes on hold when you are looking for a job. I do not think they meant because you have a hard time focusing and managing your time. If I can get a couple of big steps in my research done before the end of the year, that would be awesome.

And that's all I've got. On to the cleaning so that I don't have an excuse NOT to do work tomorrow...

Reset

I use Mint-dot-com to put all my expenses in one place and track a budget. It has worked pretty well. My biggest realization is that I spend a significant portion of my income on the 'Gifts' category that includes charity, birthday, wedding, and baby gifts. I just changed my monthly limit and reset the overage that has grown to $400 over the past months.

When I went out yesterday for the sole purpose of cashing in on some free coupons at Bath & Body Works and L'Occitane and beefing up my professional wardrobe, I failed miserably at spending money on myself. It was the biggest shopping fail at Loft that I think I have ever had, no exaggeration. Last time I went in to get a pair of pants on sale, I walked out with a couple shirts, the pants, and a sweater. This time? Nada.

This random post brought to you by job search procrastination....

Thank offering

One of the groups at church passes out little Thanksoffering boxes that are collected around Thanksgiving. You are supposed to put money in every time you are thankful for something during the fall months, and I believe they are returned on stewardship Sunday. I had put change in it here and there.

My parents came to visit for the weekend, and my Dad emptied his change into it. Seemed appropriate - we visited a museum, an art/craft fall fair, a couple of small towns in the area, a great restaurant, and hung out.

I just emptied my wallet into it yesterday. It was again appropriate. I went to NYC and got to see lots of friends and eat good food and they all humored me and did touristy things. I miss them all and was very thankful to see them.

If I had change I would put some more in there this evening for time spent with my confirmation mentee. She is two weeks shy of 14 years old, a cross country athlete, and full of energy. I think the next time we meet, I will have a coffee before so I can be more her speed. I think I used the word 'like' enough though. Her Mom, like, made us chocolate chip cookies and lemonade. No joke.

Other things that I have had fun with? I have enjoyed my smart phone. I am slowly being less obsessed with checking it all the time. Angry Birds has been bad for my productivity. I took some photos and used Instagram while in NYC at Brooklyn Brewery...

...and a random building near where we had Sunday brunch. The sky was blue; the building had cool masonry, and the clock had no hands.

All at once now.

October is packed full for me this year!

I have 10 job applications in so far, and 6 to 8 to go. I have my first phone interview on Friday! CF came to visit. My parents came to visit. I go to NYC this weekend to see friends. I got a new beautiful phone in amber brown that I will activate tomorrow; this phone is likely smarter than I. I accidentally got a white cover for it, so I will have to wait until it tears or stains and get a better color. I have been exercising only a couple of days a week, but when I do I am tired. Climbing = fun and difficult. Jogging = boring and tiring. I am getting my butt back to the research bench, and anxiously waiting for a co-author to email me back, after 3 weeks and a reminder email, so I can submit my research paper that has been finished for a while.

Evolving

At one of the Confirmation Classes I was sitting in on, the topic of evolution came up. All of the 13-14 year olds in the class go to public schools. The initial overwhelming insight the students shared is that they just have not been able to believe that we evolved from monkeys. So they do not really think that evolution is the explanation for animals (humans/apes) that exist today. Their perspective on creationism was less assured, but the thing that disturbed me was how dismissive they were of the scientifically supported theory of evolution.

It was disturbing to me because to my knowledge the state in which I live has not had the evolution versus creationism in the public schools thing. It was disturbing because they did not understand the theory of evolution at all.

While they talked, I was waiting until I heard them all and what they thought. The pastor let them finish and explained that the theory is actually that humans and apes, for example, have evolved the same amount of time from some common ancestor that, in a sense, resembled both humans and apes. That ancestor was not an ape or a human.

It took a two minute explanation by the pastor, and him sharing his belief in evolution and the moment at which he got it on a field trip growing up, for them all to be like, "OOOooooohhhhh...that makes more sense. I feel better that we didn't evolve from apes."

Also, Bill Nye is awesome. It is great to have visible people refuting crazy talk.

Fails

When I got my own apartment in grad school, I walked home alone at night after drinking a couple of times. Then I realized that was not the best idea. I think I am aware of what is going on around me - I never talked on the phone, but had it ready to call if I needed to. I wouldn't listen to music. I walked with purpose. I paid attention to noises and people and cars around me. One night a friend and I were walking in the same direction, then parted ways after some drinking and it was latish. He made me promise to call him when I got home. Then I took a cab home from the subway one night and it was only $5. $5 and some friendly conversation with the local cab driver and I would get home safely. Sold.

(I was hyper aware of the sound of the taxi leaving. One night the cab sat there for a bit. I stayed away from the windows as I went up the stairs and did not turn on any lights until the car was gone. Paranoid? Meh.)

I do not have a regular thing when I get home that would let someone know I am home. (We will not get into the fact that CF and I do not talk every day...) So I am kinda aware of keeping myself safe. But two times in the past week, I did not act in situations and the excuse/reason was that it was potentially dangerous. But I wonder if it was actually dangerous or if I just need respond in a better way. I think one big problem with society is the general attitude that if you have a problem, it is your problem. If you know me a little bit, you likely know I am a good example of how people don't always ask for help when they should (or when it would be a good idea). So I try to make an effort to offer help when I recognize a situation in which I could help. Anyhoo. Onto my recent life fails.

I went for a run. 1.5 miles up the road. 1.5 miles back the same way. (Not a continuous run, mind you. Enough running to make my muscles hurt though.) The whole road has houses on both sides all the way. (This is me setting the stage for how it was a safe environment.) On the way back, there was a small pick-up parked. As I passed, I realized there was an older woman in the front seat crying. There was a lot of stuff in the cab. I could not remember if she was there 10 minutes earlier when I passed going in the opposite direction. I hesitated, but kept running. Did she just have to leave her home and did not know where she was going to sleep that night? (Not that I would offer my home.) Was it a murder TV show waiting to happen? Did she just lose a loved one? I will never know.

I am in the process of caving and getting a smart phone. {sigh} The second situation happened after a man came into the wireless phone store while I was in there on a rainy Friday evening. He was unkempt and had a grocery cart that he left outside with stuff in it. He was asking questions about pre-paid phones, and seemed to carry on a decent conversation with the sales dude. I did not notice when the man left. As I was pulling out of the parking lot, I realized that man was laying near the curb in the parking lot with his cart and he was not moving. I was pulling into traffic. Do I keep digging for my phone while I drive? Do I turn around? It is dark and rainy. I am at the stop light and realize there was a police car that turned its lights on stopping the intersection traffic. Then an ambulance and fire truck came through and pulled into the parking lot I had just left. I felt relieved and guilty that my immediate reaction was not to stop pulling out of the parking lot and to go over to the man.

I think I talk myself out of what might be a difficult situation, but still one for which I have time. I think I imagine that criminal TV show. I clearly watch too much Criminal Minds and Law & Order.

Verses

Somehow I have found myself a Confirmation Mentor at church. I should not say "somehow" as if I was coerced to sign a legally binding document or something. I did say yes, and I do think I will enjoy it.

In addition to ringing handbells and being a mentor, I have volunteered days when my church was responsible for people at a Habitat house and a local soup kitchen. I also participate in the adult group for 20ish to 35/40-ish year olds. I honestly do not know exactly what I believe or feel, but this church has definitely provided opportunities to explore that and also get involved in the whole community.

I have found many parts of church that speak to me and have yet to actually sit down and share them. I am putting in more effort to read the scripture every week, and a couple of weeks ago was one of those 'Aha!' moments.

So from my Good News Bible that I got in third grade, I bring you parts of James.

3.13 Is there anyone among you who is wise and understanding? He is to prove it by his good life, by his good deeds performed with humility and wisdom. But if in your heart you are jealous, bitter, and selfish, don't sin against the truth by boasting of your wisdom. Such wisdom does not come down from heaven; it belongs to the world, it is unspiritual and demonic. Where there is jealousy and selfishness, there is also disorder and every kind of evil.

Aha! If you're selfish and boastful, it is not good. It was like reassurance that giving as much as I can does make a difference. That may seem silly to think otherwise, but how often do good people get told they are doing the right thing?

4.1 Where do all the fights and quarrels among you come from? They come from your desires for pleasure, which are constantly fighting within you. You want things, but you cannot have them, so you are ready to kill; you strongly desire things, but you cannot get them, so you quarrel and fight.

Aha! The fighting mentioned reminded me of war. On a smaller scale, bickering and arguing. So I guess the question is, when do you try to "stick to your guns" and when do try to let those strong desires go?

Food success!

This was quite a successful food weekend, if I do say so myself. Thank you, Pinterest.

Even though I have a history of not likely beets, I thought I would try them again. My friend had some when I stayed with her this summer, and she LOVES them. I roasted them with some rosemary. Blech. What I did do was blend them up with plain yogurt and more rosemary and make Annie's Mac n' Cheese with the beet yogurt. (Inspired by this beet pasta recipe which I probably will not try now.) I took a picture after it had been in the fridge, mostly so you could see the color. It hid the beet taste for the most part!

Then I made buffalo cauliflower. This was a super-easy way to bread and oven cook something. Sadly, my blue cheese dressing is in the fridge at work.

I highly recommend the two breakfasts I made: Saturday I made pumpkin french toast. I also made breakfast for the week. Mini-frittatas with more of the roasted beets as mix-ins (also bacon, cheese curds, pepper from my porch, green onions, and cauliflower). I tried one and they are pretty good...except when you bite into a piece of beet.

Apparently I still do not like beets.

2 Weeks Ago...

2 weeks ago I finished another MS Challenge Walk. I think it was by far my most successful, as far as my legs go. I would link to old posts about walking and the Walk, but I am procrastinating on work right now as it is. You will have to trust me that this was my NINTH year. Next year will be my TENTH (that was some fast math). I have decided that my best secret to training is to freak out that I will not train enough and will be in pain, because that is how I trained this year. I was probably walking 3 to 4 times a week, and 5 to 9 miles each time. My Mom did not train as much as she did her first year she was a walker and did all 50 miles. This year I think she walked about 34 miles...at 2.5 miles an hour.

I walk for my Mom, who was diagnosed with MS something like 30 years ago. I would feel guilty about leaving her to walk alone, and frequently check myself if I get snippy when I do walk with her. The lady is getting severely crazy, like I think she would win the prize for the craziest "normal" mother. Luckily, it is mostly in a harmless way. She did kiss someone at the walk though, which made me really uncomfortable (not like kiss-kiss, but more like she should have just stuck with a hug kiss), and tends to overshare things that make people uncomfortable. All of this to say that she walks SLOW anyway. So on Day 2 of the walk, I told her I could not walk that pace after lunch. She was going to skip ahead to miss the hilly parts due to her knees and blisters. She skipped 6 or 7 miles, to walk the last 4 or 5, and I almost caught up to her. I was probably walking twice her speed. I did 3 miles in less than 45 minutes. I told her it was because I had warmed up for 4 hours that morning walking with her. Hahaha. Sadly, my sister has managed to hurt both of her feet in the past couple of months on the little league field and on a worm in her garage. She walked on the last day to get on the course a bit, and it was nice to have the Mom buffer.

My nephew will be old enough to walk next year, so we finally created a team because it helps with fundraising. When I was walking to meet up with my Mom and my sister, I thought our name should have 'numb' in it. We realized that one reason my Mom gets such bad blisters is because she has reduced feeling in her feet so they get bad before she realizes she has them. We decided our team name should, therefore, be 'Comfortably Numb'. It comes with its own theme song, which two of my favorite female artists have covered.

I do not take many pictures on the Walk anymore, but a couple I did take....

That yellow ribbon has been there long enough for the ivy to grow over it. It reminded me of when SO MANY PEOPLE put yellow ribbons up for the troops during, I think, the first Iraq war.

The road is sometimes quiet.

A noteworthy flower along the way. Mostly noteworthy because it is fall and past the season for a lot of flowers.

Long-stemmed roses CF sent that were waiting for me when I got back to lab after the walk.

Climbing...then crawling.

I have wasted the last hour of my life trying to make it bearable to walk on my left foot. No joke.

Dinner is finished in the crock pot & rice cooker.
Windows are open and need to be shut because it is cold out.
The cat wants attention.
I took my contacts out and do not know where my glasses are.
I cannot walk on my left foot.

A few weeks ago I tried (indoor) rock climbing for the first time and discovered, maybe not surprisingly, that my arms are ridiculously weak. There was a weekend visiting CF and walking 50 miles since then, all with no problems. The only thing I had after walking 50 miles was a hardly note-worthy blister on one toe.

Today, I used the second climbing day from the Groupon deal. I actually made it to the top of the wall, then we tried other routes up and some bouldering before leaving. All seemed fine. Arms were expectedly tired; legs felt fine. Then a couple of hours ago I stretched my ankle and it started bothering me. I left it alone, but I think I may have over-stretched a small muscle just behind that ball on the outside of your ankle. AND HOLY HELL it hurts.

I grabbed some ice. No help.
I brought my work in from the porch so I could sit on the couch to try heat. Made it worse.
Put the ice back on and my bag sprung a leak.
I got up and popped two Aleve and a glass of water.
I tried wrapping it for compression, but had to take it right back off because it felt worse.
Laid on the floor to stretch my legs and elevate them.
That is when I had to actually crawl over to the kitchen to get the ice again, a couple of times feeling like I was nauseous or light headed.
I laid on the floor to stretch my legs over my head again.
I put the ice back on.
Crawled back over to the couch and am laying here with the ice waiting for that Aleve to do something.

I am sure you wanted to relive that with me. I cannot focus to do work right now, though, so I had to occupy myself somehow. I am seriously thinking of adding a tag to my blog: Pain. This will be the only post (hopefully).

Sometimes it is a pain in the ass to live alone.

Wish me luck. Hope my dinner tastes good.

Fingers crossed

I have all these *things* swimming around in my head. While I should be finishing up revisions of a research manuscript, I want to just write these down so I can let them go (for now). After the manuscript, it is on to job applications this weekend. That makes me think about life, and what I want out of it. If the job search goes well, I will be moving next summer. That is crazy and exciting.

A while back I was reflecting on why the holidays were difficult for me last year.  Those things are all still true. I spend a lot more time thinking about them than I should. The funny thing is, that every time one of my good friends has a baby, gets married, or gets engaged, I am not sad at all. I am excited. And happy. And wish I lived closer to them. In fact, after my trip back to Boston this summer, my friend/the grad student in the lab told me he thought I had gotten funnier. I think I just happened to be happier than I usually am after seeing so many people who I miss! Oddly, when people I am not close with, or with whom I was once closer, I get sad when any of these things happen. Give me a while, and I can let it go.

What I am having more difficult containing is hope. This sounds silly. Who tries to contain hope? When I think about getting my next job though, I hope that life will finally click. There are quite a few jobs that fit my area of research quite well. They range from small liberal arts colleges to larger universities. A couple of them are larger schools than I *think* I want, but you never know until you get a chance to visit them. Many (maybe I am up to 10 on the list) are from D.C. to Boston. This is prime friend and family land. 10 may not sound like many, but when I was watching the job listings last year, the ones to which I applied were not good research/interest fits. I think this is promising. My CV is better than last round, particularly if I get this paper submitted the end of the month. I have hope that one of these will work out.

I have basically decided that when I get a job, I will get a car. Mine is dying a slow death, but I have a hard time thinking about taking on a car loan right now. The engine seems great, it is all the other extras, like the air conditioning, that make me worried something else is going on. Much to my sister's chagrin, at the moment that ugly Prius is high on the list. I have hope that I can get a great hybrid car. If I get a job at some of these schools, I may need an AWD vehicle though.

I am reaching with the submission of this paper to a high impact journal. Nothing related to this aspect of my research topic has been published, so the story our data make is that much more exciting. The grad student's project that we have always planned to include is starting to work, and that will make this journal less of a reach. He works hard and has been working A LOT to get it done. I have hope that he can get it done, and this journal will like the story.

Maybe this weekend I will give y'all an update on what I have actually been *doing* if you are interested. Off to uncross my fingers and get those manuscript revisions done.

Fast and easy...in the kitchen...

...That's what she said.

Some people may be disappointed by the ACTUAL topic of this post: Food. Recipes.

Cooking is a good sign of my mental state, I think. It means I spend some time being creative in the kitchen (again, purely in a preparing-food-sort of way). It means I do not feel pressure of trying to get something done. When I feel pressure to get something done, I usually procrastinate by cleaning/laundry (as can be seen in this previous check list). But thanks to finishing a draft of my manuscript, I can spend some time in the kitchen!

Without further ado, I bring you 'Fast AND Easy' first.

This was brilliantly inspired for by my sister. Even though her kids will DEVOUR sushi and raw shell fish, they are surprisingly picky about every-day food. This, they were happy to eat.

Ramen makes a good base for dinner. In college, I would add in some broccoli when the Ramen was cooking, then add the flavor packet and cooked chicken to the drained noodles & broccoli. I can tell you that this suped-up version is way better than that.

Fast and Easy Ramen - 10 minutes, From the kitchen of Jenski's sister
(Scale up as needed)
Ingredients: Eggs, Ramen, premade coleslaw (or broccoli slaw!) mix
Whisk an egg
Cook Ramen per package instructions
After noodles cook 3 minutes, coax them aside and stir continuously as you add egg(s).
Add a handful of coleslaw mix from the grocery store and as much of the flavor packet as you would like.
Vary as needed/desired.
Serve up your egg noodle soup!

I had a red pepper that needs to be eaten, so I added some of that. I used half a flavor packet and added a couple spoonfuls of curry sauce, and only an egg white because I had eggs for breakfast. When my sister and her kids were here, we also added some sriracha to spice it up. The permutations are endless and easy!

                                               
Second, I bring you 'Easy'. I could add 'Healthy' to that too. The reasons I made this were three-fold:
1.) I have searched out tomatoes in a jar to no avail where I live. Sure, tomatoes come in a can. You know what else comes in canned tomatoes? BPA*. I am happy to have my own source of tomatoes with less BPA.
2.) My town has a pathetic excuse for a farmer's market. The man who tries to get vendors has a smoothie truck there every week. They FINALLY have other food and products, but he is the one manning the veggies for the farmers still! Because I had commented a couple of weeks in a row on the FB page, I felt I needed to go. Well I did. And then bought organic tomatoes for $12/pound. I appreciate fewer chemicals. I do not have an income that allows for costly tomatoes, no matter how delicious or chemical free. Therefore, the tomatoes must go to GOOOOOOOD use.
3.) Ridiculously easy tomato sauce in your crockpot.

Before

 After

My variations on Bean's recipe were few.

Crockpot tomato sauce
Chopped onions
Chopped tomatoes
Pressed garlic
Dried oregano (~1 tsp)
Dried basil (~1 tsp)
Dried thyme (~1/2 tsp)
Salt
Pepper
Sugar (~1 Tbsp, or I added agave syrup)
And I added some chopped carrot and olive oil too.

Mix. Cook on low in crock pot for 8 to 12 hours. I then blended it (which you probably would not need to do if you peeled the tomatoes). Blending it would probably let you hide other veggies in the sauce too though (more carrots than I added, pepper, a little squash...).

Made me wish I had a submersion blender. Then I put the sauce in glass jars with space at the top and stuck them in the freezer. If my sister-in-law and I lived closer together, I would have recruited her canning expertise.

FYI, SIL, At some point I envision a massive canning experience:
Make something in the crock pot overnight. Can in the morning. Set up the crock pot with something else. Can stuff like pickles throughout the day. Can the crock pot recipe #2 at night.

What else did I do between the end of work yesterday and lounging on my couch tonight? Walked 5.5 miles two times, tried indoor rock climbing for the first time, read a National Geographic, made the above recipes, ran some errands, and photographed the sunset. Again.

* If you have not heard of BPA, it is something used in plastics. It is also in those white cavity fillings and receipts. I could write a whole bunch about BPA. I did research on it before I started grad school, and can tell you that prenatal exposure affects mammary gland and neuro-endocrine development (otherwise known as boobs and brains). YOUR exposure to BPA can affect you, your children, and your grandchildren. I figure if I can minimize my exposure, might as well!

Pumpkin donut holes

These pumpkin donut holes were a serious pinterest success. I did not do the butter dip and roll in cinnamon sugar. If I were making them for others, I probably would.

Out and around

Groundhogs at the zoo. They are adorable.

Butterfly garden at the zoo.

A Great Blue Heron chillin' and reflectin' in the lake.

Can you see the heron's prints going across this picture? Its prints were huge!

My nephew put on a cooking show, complete with accent, on my porch when they visited. My niece assisted in making a pesto with various leaves and flowers from my garden. We even ate some.

 Found a bug emerging in my garden.

Out on a walk, I came across this fence.

Check! The Manuscript Version

I am pretty good at procrastinating. Many of those things needed to be done; some did not. BUT, I finally drafted, edited, updated, referenced, pdf'ed, and emailed a draft of my paper to my boss and another co-author. My boss is out of town, so I do not know when she will get to reading it.

I finished a draft of the paper on Tuesday and then got a great break with my sister, niece, and nephew visiting. It was good to not think about the paper and go back and revise some before emailing it out.

For now, it is on to another training walk, maybe some baking because it is in the 70s (F, obviously), and job applications.  That's right - more writing and applying. A year from now, I might be living in a city/town near you.

Just do it.

I MUST FINISH MY RESEARCH PAPER.

Here's the deal. I need to apply to jobs, and the academic hiring process starts in August for the following school year (2013). I have found really relevant jobs in VT, PA, and WI so far, and it is early in the job posting season. One of my friends in academia thinks there may be one at school near Boston because she has some insider info too.

Since last year I: Got a fellowship, mentored two undergrads, took a short-course on teaching, and gave a talk at a meeting, among other smaller stuff. This is all good for my CV

The icing on the cake will be a paper. I had hoped that I would have a draft done in May before my undergrads started for the summer, but that did not happen. Putting together the data in the figures/pictures is almost done. Most of it is at least outlined. I am in a good position to finish it SOON.

Today my boss and I talked to the grad student with whom I overlapped briefly. I had emailed her twice about her data that we wanted to include in my paper - it makes it stronger, and more would have to be done on her project to publish it and she works on something different now. When she emailed back about her data, she emailed my boss and did not copy me. I worried that it would be an awkward conversation.

But, it was not! She had looked at the data, thought about my figures, and said it was a very thorough analysis and a good story. She is a very intelligent and hard-working woman. That was a relief.

And now I must finish my paper. And I hate starting sentences with 'and'.

Sometimes I get into the groove at home and get work done. Tomorrow is the one-monthiversary of my car's AC dying, and it is supposed to be in the 90s, so I think hitting the town's coffee shop will be the best bet to GIT 'ER DONE, as they say.

Check!

Laundry - Check!
Training walk - Check!
Weeding - Check!
Brew iced tea - Check!
Shower - Check!
Clean bathroom - Check!
Eat lunch - Check!
Rearrange furniture a bit - Check!
Have the Olympics on TV - Check!
Go to the post office - Check!


Now wasn't I supposed to spend the day working on writing a paper for work?


Oops!

Sharing the view

One of my friends said that the pictures I post of my new place look great, and it is! I am VERY happy I moved here. Save on gas, wear & tear on my car. Save time commuting. It is close enough that I know people will come over when I invite them. Every night, when I sit on my porch, I want to photograph the sunset. Part of it, I think, is because I am seeing it by myself and I want to share it with whoever will look!

 

In the mornings, I have started opening my doors to let more cool air in before I head off to work. I am glad I do, because this greeted me a couple of mornings ago.

Sometimes I do not get my camera in time to take a picture of something cool. Last night, I watched a small heron of some sort dive, get a fish, then land on a post of the dock and swallow the fish. It was gone before I could come back with my camera. Tonight, I caught a yellow finch enjoying one of the sunflowers I planted that has maturing seeds. I grabbed my camera and it had moved on to a younger flower. Sadly, it flew away as I snapped the photo. You can see its tail in the top corner though.

My garden has done well too! The only drawback, per se, is that as an organic operation, I brought a nice sized spider into the house with basil tonight. The spiders seem to do a good job eating little bugs though!

When I went to a conference the end of June, my downstairs neighbor fed my cat, but I had not mentioned my plants. The only thing that is struggling to come back from the lack of water are the violas. From left to right, that's the tomato & basil, lettuce & green pepper & nasturtium & parsley, yellow bucket with a purple pepper & cucumbers climbing onto its wire, and finally two cucumbers & nasturtium & violas (you can't see in the background). So far I have eaten a lot of purple peppers, lettuce, two cucumbers, basil, lots of nasturtium flowers and leaves, viola flowers, and tonight my first two tomatoes!

And clouds lit from above.

On the road

I attempted to write an actual blog post, but cannot figure out what in my head I want to write about. Instead, I will give you pictures. I was just back East for 10 days (well, one day of driving on each side in a car with no AC, but whatever). I fit a fair amount of stuff in, but did not take many pictures.

I went back when I did because I had friends getting married. It was outdoors and lovely. Her dress was beautiful, as wedding dresses tend to be, and the hydrangeas were in full bloom.

I saw lots of sail boats.

Boats that apparently do not have room for a dinghy, so they have a helicopter pad on top instead.

Oh! More sail boats!

The Boston skyline from afar. (Also saw it from up close, but then it is harder to capture.)

I saw nice sunset while walking to the subway when my friend and I were on our way to her friend's roof-top Friday night happy hour overlooking the Charles River. The 'Do Not Enter' signs really make this picture, I think.

And the morning after a night out? A long drive home. At the beginning, I was thinking about how much more I like the scenery along the Mass Pike than along the highways in the northern Midwest. This picture is not the best example, but there are mountains and vistas!

I stopped and visited my grandmother (and uncle) and then hit the road again.

 At one point, I was in two countries at the same time. Crazy! Spark, I think I could see Toronto from there.

 And then the sun set.

 And unfortunately, the crescent moon does not photograph so easily when you are driving 110 km/hr.

And then there were two times when I thought I should not be driving, but I was SO CLOSE to home, so I rolled the windows down more and turned the radio up and made it home fine. My cat was so happy, her whole chin was wet with drool. It was a long 16-hour trek home.

Things that...

...suck. I am trying to be positive, but life does make that more difficult sometimes. The other title I thought about giving this was something to the effect of, "A list of things that would suck less if you did not have to deal with them on your own." Suck less = glass half full?

• A completely broken car air conditioner. During a 100 degree+ week in the northern Midwest. The compressor is kaput; there is also a short in the wiring to the compressor. Let's just say it would not be cheap to fix.
• Someone keyed my car the day after the AC broke.
• A new car = car payments, and that would severely limit my ability to save money beyond the limits of being a post-doc to begin with.
• Several days this week there has been a big thunderstorm 30 to 60 minutes before I intended to get up. Living alone, I should be able to at least sleep until my alarm goes off.
• I have sliding windows in my apartment. After searching dimensions and types of units online, I have confirmed that there is no air conditioner worth buying that is less than $300. Ones that cost less are not so effective, according to online reviews. If you own a home or rent out apartments in a place where central air is not the norm, you should only put in sashed windows.
• I worked all day on the 4th of July, you know, a national holiday. I do not REALLY care, but it is more the principle of the thing. That is the same day my car's AC broke.
• Having people comment to me over and over and over again about ME moving to where CF decided knowingly and of his own free will to move. I remind him that I do not appreciate the assumption. He left me a beautiful bouquet of flowers; that does not make it okay.
• Three or four weeks ago now, someone hit my mail box and the two next to it (with a bat or something, not their whole car). The other two were mildly damaged, and I fixed them. I just cannot fix my own. I do believe my mail carrier has officially stopped delivering mail despite my note in the mailbox explaining this and that my landlord knows and I have someone who will be fixing it on Monday. It is not even my fault that it is all flimsy?
• Also, WTF with blogger only "supporting" google chrome. I know blogger is free and all, but come on. It is like they are giving the heads-up that they will intentionally be putting something in the site that will prevent you from using anything but chrome.

In other attempts to be upbeat...

• My credit cards are paid off. Next step is getting a month ahead of
• I do love the guys at the car shop where I go.
• I could list other stuff, like I have a job, can pay my bills & afford luxuries like cable and internet. This stuff only makes me feel guilty about being frustrated with life though.
• I leave next week for about 10 days back East trying to catch up with as many friends and family as possible. It will be nice to get away.

Time to finish "working" and head out into the heat sans AC.

PI

PI = Principal Investigator in science speak. It is the person who runs the lab. On two or three occasions over the past couple of weeks, the grad student in the lab has informed me that I will make a good one (compliment #1). But, I do hope there is a difference in what "being a PI" and "being a post-doc PI" is like.

I leave for a meeting on Wednesday at the crack of dawn, and I have SO MUCH WORK TO DO in the next 24 hours. Realistically I cannot get it all done if I expect to be coherent at the meeting, so I cannot miss out on too much sleep. Being coherent would be good because I am giving a talk and really need to make professional contacts. Luckily, something about the summer and daylight allows me to be perfectly (hah) functional on less sleep than I manage in the winter. I know a couple of Moms who are probably laughing at my management of my sleep right now.

I have an undergrad who started a few weeks ago. I have her up to speed enough that she can get stuff done while I am gone! She took introductory biology, but had essentially zero lab experience. She has good lab hands though, which is a huge bonus and means she seems to pick up the way you do things in lab easily. Today, after talking about what she would do while I am gone, she wrote a color coded detailed list of what she will do every day. No joke. My PI (the actual PI of the lab) came in, commented that the UG would be busy while I am gone, and also that she notices that I keep people busy (compliment #2).

I found out at about 6 this evening that my second undergrad will start tomorrow. At 8:30 a.m. She has only taken an introductory biology course for non-majors (read: VERY LITTLE BACKGROUND). I will not be able to get her up to speed enough in one day for her to do anything productive while I am gone. I did print out a bunch of papers for her to read though!

In addition to these two undergrads who are directly under my care, I have helped another undergrad over the past month learn two new techniques for his thesis, and regularly consult with the grad student, the other post-doc, and (yet) another undergrad. Oh, and the lab manager has started splitting her time in lab with another on campus job because our PI will be retiring in the next 5 years, and it was an opportunity she could not pass up. So at least 1 1/2 days a week I am the one "in charge" in lab anyway. OH, and I have a work study student finishing this week (who will luckily be back in the fall) who does what bench work I wish I could do right now. He has been invaluable.

So back to the post-doc PI thing.  If I count back, I am directly in charge of three undergrads, supervise 2 others 1.5 days a week, and also consult with, oh, everyone in the lab. And I am working on a paper. And I am giving a talk this week. And I lead an undergrad journal club every couple of weeks. And I have stupidly volunteered to present at the last two lab meetings. The only thing I am missing from being an actual PI is worrying about budgets and paying people (Difference #1)! To even out the time commitment that budgeting requires, I will start looking for a job.

Also, as a PI, I will actually be in charge, rather than wonder if it is my place to tell the OTHER work study student to reallocate his time to something more useful than what he is doing. (Difference #2)

And here I am procrastinating on my work by posting. Whatevs.

My "garden"

I started off this spring with a mess of a porch. This is actually after I had picked some stuff up! There is a Christmas tree, a chair from my old neighbor with paint peeling off. Cushions. Bags of potting soil.

Inside the screen-in part, I finally got a table that I was putting together here. There was an ancient air conditioner that I finally sold on Craigslist. (I may be sorry about that, but I think I can get a more energy efficient one now.)

Then I potted some things super early in these great felt pots my parents gave me for my birthday. They are supposed to be good for root growth, because they breath. Who knows! There is cilantro, lettuce seeds you cannot see, a tomato plant and basil plants. (For the record, they were COMPLETELY full of soil when I planted them, and it has all settled down.)

 Then I added some (edible) flowers and a pepper plant and moved the plants outside.

I planted violas (Johnny jump-ups), and those flowers have a very mild sweet flavor. I also planted nasturtium, whose leaves and flowers have a spicy flavor. Adds a little color to a salad!

 Fortuitous shot when I was watering the pots and water got caught in the nasturtium leaf.

I even planted the rest of the cat grass that the cat does not eat. She has sniffed it a couple of times, and I have put some in her food, but she could not care less.

This is my garden just a few minutes ago! My tomato and basil plants are in the top, then a pepper and a viola, then cilantro, lettuce, and a nasturtium, and in the bottom, more nasturtium (and BOY are they growing!), two cucumbers that are finally growing, and violas.

I also had the other post-doc in the lab over and we did some painting of that yellow chair in the top photo and a table that was holding the AC up. At some point when I vacuum the screened in part and have it all set up with the chairs out, I will take another photo.