Fails

When I got my own apartment in grad school, I walked home alone at night after drinking a couple of times. Then I realized that was not the best idea. I think I am aware of what is going on around me - I never talked on the phone, but had it ready to call if I needed to. I wouldn't listen to music. I walked with purpose. I paid attention to noises and people and cars around me. One night a friend and I were walking in the same direction, then parted ways after some drinking and it was latish. He made me promise to call him when I got home. Then I took a cab home from the subway one night and it was only $5. $5 and some friendly conversation with the local cab driver and I would get home safely. Sold.

(I was hyper aware of the sound of the taxi leaving. One night the cab sat there for a bit. I stayed away from the windows as I went up the stairs and did not turn on any lights until the car was gone. Paranoid? Meh.)

I do not have a regular thing when I get home that would let someone know I am home. (We will not get into the fact that CF and I do not talk every day...) So I am kinda aware of keeping myself safe. But two times in the past week, I did not act in situations and the excuse/reason was that it was potentially dangerous. But I wonder if it was actually dangerous or if I just need respond in a better way. I think one big problem with society is the general attitude that if you have a problem, it is your problem. If you know me a little bit, you likely know I am a good example of how people don't always ask for help when they should (or when it would be a good idea). So I try to make an effort to offer help when I recognize a situation in which I could help. Anyhoo. Onto my recent life fails.

I went for a run. 1.5 miles up the road. 1.5 miles back the same way. (Not a continuous run, mind you. Enough running to make my muscles hurt though.) The whole road has houses on both sides all the way. (This is me setting the stage for how it was a safe environment.) On the way back, there was a small pick-up parked. As I passed, I realized there was an older woman in the front seat crying. There was a lot of stuff in the cab. I could not remember if she was there 10 minutes earlier when I passed going in the opposite direction. I hesitated, but kept running. Did she just have to leave her home and did not know where she was going to sleep that night? (Not that I would offer my home.) Was it a murder TV show waiting to happen? Did she just lose a loved one? I will never know.

I am in the process of caving and getting a smart phone. {sigh} The second situation happened after a man came into the wireless phone store while I was in there on a rainy Friday evening. He was unkempt and had a grocery cart that he left outside with stuff in it. He was asking questions about pre-paid phones, and seemed to carry on a decent conversation with the sales dude. I did not notice when the man left. As I was pulling out of the parking lot, I realized that man was laying near the curb in the parking lot with his cart and he was not moving. I was pulling into traffic. Do I keep digging for my phone while I drive? Do I turn around? It is dark and rainy. I am at the stop light and realize there was a police car that turned its lights on stopping the intersection traffic. Then an ambulance and fire truck came through and pulled into the parking lot I had just left. I felt relieved and guilty that my immediate reaction was not to stop pulling out of the parking lot and to go over to the man.

I think I talk myself out of what might be a difficult situation, but still one for which I have time. I think I imagine that criminal TV show. I clearly watch too much Criminal Minds and Law & Order.