Convince me

I am not going to lie. I know that I am a catch. (I think) I am smart, funny, grounded, motivated, somewhat driven. Granted I can be practical to a fault, opinionated, and I like to play devil's advocate to make people think, but these things can be good too.

I remember back to my friends' wedding that I was in, and after which I dated one of the groomsman for a short time. (Funny things I had forgotten. Thank goodness for the memory of the internet, right?) Over the course of he and I dating, someone told me that it was easy to convince him that he should make a move, but they needed to convince me he was worth my time. Now the Groomsman was (and probably still is) a kind, intelligent, and attractive guy. This begs the question of whether I seem to have super high expectations or am not easily won over. Feel free to weigh in on that.

Now that I am back to the online dating thing, I do need to be convinced though. I am weary of men and of relationships.

I had my first date last night since setting up my profile. The guy was nice, attractive enough, easy to talk to. I will hang out with him again.

(This comparison is just to illustrate what I mean, not to imply some lingering regret.) When I met CF, I avoided him for a few days because I could tell he was 'trouble' in the sense that I found him attractive, but he did not live near me, and I was no longer interested in random hook-ups. I felt something from the first day our group in MT went around the circle introducing ourselves.

Now, I expect some spark at first, and I didn't get that last night. Am I expecting too much?


Excerpts from actual online dating interactions that will make you say, "WTF".

Boy X: You are definitely easy on the eyes, but I bet you're a heartbreaker. [24 hours] Well I could be wrong. I just figured being as gorgeous as you are, that you had to break some hearts.
Me: Haha. I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered.
Boy X: So what do you like to do for fun, do you go out much sweetie?
[Call me sweetie = end of interaction.]

This conversation? Well, this is just insulting. I'm in white; the dude's in green.


















(He proceeded to say he can tell I'm a selfish woman. I blocked him, but now I'm angry?!)

All I can say is learn how to use the 'shift' key and the difference between you're and your.

Here we go again

Once upon a time, 747 (published) blog posts ago, over six years ago, in a place about a 90 minute flight away from my current home, I had one more beer than usual on a Friday night and decided it was time to venture into online dating. I *think* it was about a year after an ex and I had broken up. He was still doing things like inviting me to go to France with him though. I am sorry to say there is a little part of me that wonders why I did not. About the same time, I started a blog for some reason, and I used it to share stories of online dating with my friends to both stay in touch and not have to repeat stories.

Fast forward through some brief dating experiences, a fateful trip to Montana where CF and I met, my PhD, a great post-doc position, and an approximately four year relationship (time flies when you're...not paying attention?!). I find myself in a new city, starting a new (permanent) position, within a couple of hours of most of my closest college friends, an easy half-day drive to my parents' house, an easy flight to those in Boston.

I have my car and my belongings finally. I have been teaching. I have been slowly untagging myself in some photos over the past month. CF's profile popped up with he and a woman in it last week. I forced him (with guilt via texts) to admit he was seeing someone new. The start of their relationship suspiciously coincides with right after I wrote to him this summer. So, regardless of whether he was truthful with me or whether he was so over our relationship that it did not occur to him it might sting if I just suddenly saw a picture of he and a new woman, or he had texted me the night before his profile picture changed to start an opportunity to slip it into a text conversation, the knowledge he is dating someone and others knew about it was the kick in the butt I needed to clean out more of my online 'friends'.

And set up an online dating profile.

Stay tuned.