Funny ironic (not funny haha)

I have been told that I come across as a confident person. This is great! I do feel confident. Even though I am as modest as the next person can be, I do know that I am intelligent and driven. When a PI (Principal Investigator, a.k.a. Head Scientist of a Lab) recently said as much to me at the conference I went to, I was shocked and pleasantly surprised that I come across as such. Hey, my posture is even better since I started practicing yoga on a fairly regular schedule! :-)

When it comes to boys (a.k.a. "men", hehehe), this is not always the case. I get all insecure and nervous when I think someone is interested in me. I can make up excuses about how I was "shy" and "nerdy" in high school; I can point to a continuation of that in college when I guy I was totally in love with told me I was a nerd and I was definitely hurt, thinking those days were gone; I can claim that I am having a pretty day (you know, days when you feel pretty) and flirt, but if some guy did more than flirt, I would probably get all nervous and quiet. A friend and I sorta tried to date a little bit and then he said I was just different when no one else was around (i.e. quiet). Whoops.

Huh. If I am so sure of myself and my intelligence and independence and capabilities, why does it all stop when it comes to boys? If someone makes a point of seeking you out and talking and helping you with someone's drunk little sister at a wedding and you exchange phone numbers, why would you not call them? If someone you just met actually suggests taking dance lessons together because they want to take dance lessons with someone who is serious about learning how to dance, why would you think they were just saying that? If someone is shocked to find out that you are 29 (and he 25), but continues to all of the afore mentioned and maybe even kisses you goodnight, why would you think he may not be interested?

Want some excuses? Oh, he'd been drinking. Weddings lend themselves to these flirtations. Every kept telling me how "proper" he is (he asked the bride's grandmother to dance first and my roommate wanted him to ask me), so he would probably call first, right? And that's really all I got.

Plus I play these mind games with myself. It is alway flattering when someone is interested in you. I wonder if I am interested or just interested in having someone interested in me. (Pfft. There are so many reasons for me to be interested.) I really do not want to get all swept up in something only to find out something about me is a deal-breaker. I keep telling myself that the next time I start dating, it is total honesty from the beginning (not that I have ever lied, actually, but you know, just realllllllly honest), and that, I am pretty sure, scares me.

Oiy.

Here are some lyrics. :-)

Hey maybe just a smile
Oh hey do you know that I can dance
Could we talk for a while

I think you're smart
You sweet thing
Tell me your sign
I'm dying here