I am far enough removed from my last real relationship to think on the times I had with the ex fondly - the couple of business trips of his I went on; the weekend in Western Mass, so close to my parents but they didn't know I was there so it was like I was doing something wrong; high tea at the Four Seasons; baseball games; Sunday mornings making breakfast together and drinking coffee on the porch. I try to remind myself of the lack of communication and feeling like I was never heard or understood. The time when we were not technically together, but still talking and seeing each other, and I had surgery and he did not come see me for over a week.
I decided, with sort of permission from the roomy, to edit the ex's business school application essays. It is one of those rocks/hard places dilemmas because I knew I could help and not have to offer personal information, and I would feel guilty if I did not help. In the end I did it, but only that - no information about my life or how I am doing or how the PhD is going. All other emails from him I have not responded too.
He knows how to get me though. He actually thanked me, twice, for helping with the essays and being so good to him. He wanted to take me out to dinner for helping (to which I did not respond). He keeps me updated on some health issues he has had. My friend (KHC) suggested blocking his emails, which would be good because I would not read them, but bad because he would not get them returned.
He asked if I would be interested in post-season baseball tickets if he can get them. I wish it wouldn't be wrong to just take the tickets and find someone else to go with. If my team makes it, there is almost no way I could say "no" to tickets?! Never mind the impossible expense as a graduate student, what about the impossibility of actually getting the tickets?
[I refer to it as my baseball team because the ex cared nothing for baseball until he met me. I was even a little distracted the first time we went out because the game was on behind the bar and the bartender and I were talking about it. Oops.]
4 comments:
I don't have a single positive memory of any of my past relationships. Huh.
I would say that there is no way that you should go to the post-season games with him or to accept the tickets from him for your own use. I actually read about this same kind of issue in an advice column recently, and the columnist really blasted the person writing for even _thinking_ of going.
So, there is my 2 cents, passed on from an advice column.
On another topic, I wonder, though, if simply ignoring his emails is working. Do you think you should be more direct and respond by saying that you'd prefer he not email you? I'm fond of the direct approach, even if it is hard to do.
It was very nice of you to work on his essays.
And it is nice to be able to remember the good times. You obviously haven't forgotten the bad times, so it isn't like you are in danger of getting caught up in dreaming about the good and risk getting sucked back into the relationship.
All in all, your post brings up some interesting issues.
KHC, :(
Danielle, as much as I would love going to a play-off game (especially now because my team won the division!!!), I wouldn't take them from him. And, sadly, I have told/asked him repeatedly to stop emailing and calling. He stopped calling but was sending about one email a week with a question at the end. I am to the point where I could totally be friends with him and catch him up on my life, but that is definitely not what he wants, so, no contact from me to him any more!
He sounds a bit crazy. ;-)
I mean, why keep emailing someone who doesn't respond?
Post a Comment