Letter to a neighbor

Dear Neighbors,

The night you moved in and one of you belched as loud as you could in the hall at 10:30 on a work night, I knew I was in for it. You left a 'sorry for the noise, we should have dinner!' note though, so I thought it would work itself out. We have never had dinner, but I did try to give you Christmas cookies. I think whoever was "home" was not one of you and said person did not answer the door. Your loss.

Anyway, I think there is just too much I do not understand about you (and your guests). Over the summer, you clearly did not pay your electric bill (as there was a shut-off notice on the front door), and you had an extension cord coming out of your apartment plugged in in the laundry room. Yet somehow you now can afford a GINORMOUS TV and to leave lights on ALL THE TIME when you are not home? (Lest you all think I am a creeper, I have to walk by their open living room window on the way to the front door.) I think it is odd that people in really nice cars, and sometimes not so nice white vans, stop by for 10 minutes and are then gone. Sometimes they stop by when you are not there and they do not even smile. How rude. I think it is odd that one of you did not have a driver's side window for MONTHS in rain and snow. I think that your friends need to not come out in the hallway and loudly talk about boogey men at night when you all have been drinking (or something). I think it is interesting that I no longer smell cigarette (or other) smoke (but do appreciate not having a stinky house). Maybe it is just the alcohol that makes you all loud and crazy now? I think it is odd that you use your back door. Actually, I think it is odd that you do not shovel the snow and get your feet cold and wet to use your back door instead of just coming in the front where I shovel.

Maybe this is the first time you have had your own place? Just try to keep the place a little cleaner and quieter...at least until my lease is up at the end of May.

Thanks,
Jenski

P.S. Be glad I do not have children with an early bedtime or I would be knocking on your door regularly.