Convince me

I am not going to lie. I know that I am a catch. (I think) I am smart, funny, grounded, motivated, somewhat driven. Granted I can be practical to a fault, opinionated, and I like to play devil's advocate to make people think, but these things can be good too.

I remember back to my friends' wedding that I was in, and after which I dated one of the groomsman for a short time. (Funny things I had forgotten. Thank goodness for the memory of the internet, right?) Over the course of he and I dating, someone told me that it was easy to convince him that he should make a move, but they needed to convince me he was worth my time. Now the Groomsman was (and probably still is) a kind, intelligent, and attractive guy. This begs the question of whether I seem to have super high expectations or am not easily won over. Feel free to weigh in on that.

Now that I am back to the online dating thing, I do need to be convinced though. I am weary of men and of relationships.

I had my first date last night since setting up my profile. The guy was nice, attractive enough, easy to talk to. I will hang out with him again.

(This comparison is just to illustrate what I mean, not to imply some lingering regret.) When I met CF, I avoided him for a few days because I could tell he was 'trouble' in the sense that I found him attractive, but he did not live near me, and I was no longer interested in random hook-ups. I felt something from the first day our group in MT went around the circle introducing ourselves.

Now, I expect some spark at first, and I didn't get that last night. Am I expecting too much?


Excerpts from actual online dating interactions that will make you say, "WTF".

Boy X: You are definitely easy on the eyes, but I bet you're a heartbreaker. [24 hours] Well I could be wrong. I just figured being as gorgeous as you are, that you had to break some hearts.
Me: Haha. I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered.
Boy X: So what do you like to do for fun, do you go out much sweetie?
[Call me sweetie = end of interaction.]

This conversation? Well, this is just insulting. I'm in white; the dude's in green.


















(He proceeded to say he can tell I'm a selfish woman. I blocked him, but now I'm angry?!)

All I can say is learn how to use the 'shift' key and the difference between you're and your.

Here we go again

Once upon a time, 747 (published) blog posts ago, over six years ago, in a place about a 90 minute flight away from my current home, I had one more beer than usual on a Friday night and decided it was time to venture into online dating. I *think* it was about a year after an ex and I had broken up. He was still doing things like inviting me to go to France with him though. I am sorry to say there is a little part of me that wonders why I did not. About the same time, I started a blog for some reason, and I used it to share stories of online dating with my friends to both stay in touch and not have to repeat stories.

Fast forward through some brief dating experiences, a fateful trip to Montana where CF and I met, my PhD, a great post-doc position, and an approximately four year relationship (time flies when you're...not paying attention?!). I find myself in a new city, starting a new (permanent) position, within a couple of hours of most of my closest college friends, an easy half-day drive to my parents' house, an easy flight to those in Boston.

I have my car and my belongings finally. I have been teaching. I have been slowly untagging myself in some photos over the past month. CF's profile popped up with he and a woman in it last week. I forced him (with guilt via texts) to admit he was seeing someone new. The start of their relationship suspiciously coincides with right after I wrote to him this summer. So, regardless of whether he was truthful with me or whether he was so over our relationship that it did not occur to him it might sting if I just suddenly saw a picture of he and a new woman, or he had texted me the night before his profile picture changed to start an opportunity to slip it into a text conversation, the knowledge he is dating someone and others knew about it was the kick in the butt I needed to clean out more of my online 'friends'.

And set up an online dating profile.

Stay tuned.

FML

I cannot recall ever truly saying or writing 'FML' before, and there is enough good in my life to not feel that way, but the crappy stuff keeps piling itself on. So we will start with a sh*t-that-sucks recap and finish with a life-is-good recap so you know why I am not in total despair.

sh*t that sucks

I had to find a place to stay one last night because my landlord *NEEDED* to give the key to the new tenant. Then the new tenant said he was going to clean the carpet in the morning before moving anything in...so I could've stayed there one last night you mean? And not missed the surprise for my friend's birthday gathering to meet my landlord on my last night before I moved? Awesome.

It rained while I loaded my car. I threw some stuff out that I was not attached to and wouldn't have fit in the car. I was soaked and carrying a flower pot down the back stairs to leave on my neighbor's porch and slipped on the stairs. Then I carried the second one down and slipped in the exact same spot. My butt is still, almost a week later, purple. Literally purple. The edges are *barely* starting to turn yellow like the bruise is healing. It does not hurt as much as it looks like it should, but I avoid seeing my purple butt in the mirror to minimize the reminder.

My belongings were $500 over weight of the estimate the moving company gave me.

I had to have my car jump started yesterday. For some reason the battery was dead.

My ex, who I in no way wish I was still with, is getting married this weekend. Yup, the same ex who a couple of years back informed me if there was a chance he and I would get back together he wouldn't marry the woman who will become his wife this weekend. I am not sad I am not marrying him, just sad that I do not have someone at home to make me dinner, pour me a glass of wine, and let me cry in his lap when I...

...Crash my car like I did today! There was (excessive? unnecessary?) crying, both in public and in private. The dude I hit, my new insurance agent, the body shop, the random guy picking up his car at the body shop who was then at Enterprise when I was picking up my rental were all SUPER NICE and helpful. That is why I kept crying. If only they hadn't been nice. ;-)

I think three of these things should count as the 'things happen in threes' and we should move on to why...

...life is good

I have already caught up with two friends in my new home city. I met new people at one birthday party and one pool/barbecue. I met a new guy in a friend's life, and he's great. I have plans to see three other friends in the area in the near future (in addition to partners/children in their lives). OH, and another friend and her family who will be on the Jersey shore for vacation in 10 days. Woohoo!

I am close to a Trader Joe's and several Dunkin' Donuts. All the amenities of Boston, I tell you. Only I live WAY closer to an IKEA now than I did in Boston.

I have the inheritance from my grandfather to soften all the blows listed above.

I have wonderful faculty colleagues who have been very helpful.

My air mattress does not have a hole in it...which is good because I do not know when my bed will be here.

My post-doc advisor needed my new address because she was filling out paperwork for a recognition certificate for me.

My paper from my post-doc is published.

I will have another review paper soon with my new contact info (read: good for tenure).

I'll see most of my family in a month for my 10th MS Challenge Walk.

I have been catching up on lost sleep, and it is amazing.

Time for a cold washcloth on my swollen eyes and a good 10 hours of sleep.