Is the end really that near?

Earlier in the week I was commenting on the lack of true motivation I have right now. When I first started grad school, I was a machine. A machine I tell you! I was used to being a research technician where your job is to "just" do lab work, so I kept the momentum going and have a publication to show for it.

I also have a bunch of random data towards the next paper.

When I didn't want to keep going with the analysis earlier in the week, I did a little each day and began to realize why I did the experiment in the first place...also that I really needed to look at the whole experiment before I presented in a joint lab meeting this morning. So, I did. And there was one part of the experiment that wasn't clean and needs to be repeated. No big deal. I still put together a story and explained the gap and my intentions to fill it.

This is a meeting with members of about 6 different labs that work on completely different stuff. It isn't a talk to give a complete picture, but rather present a work in progress and hopefully get feedback. My project is probably the most foreign of all in the group and usually people just smile and nod. This morning I actually got a lot of questions and feed back today though!

One faculty member gave some good ideas/questions about trying to measure the affected hormone in the pathway I am suggesting may be affected or performing some sort of rescue experiment to cancel out the effects I see.

After not realizing what one faculty member was asking, she said, "If you were to go on an interview, what would your take-home message be?" [Who said I was going on an interview???]

At the end of my talk, another faculty member, who I respect a lot, came up to me and said essentially, "First of all, great job. You spoke very clearly and explained yourself well. Pretty soon you'll be taking this on the road so I have a couple of suggestions for when you speak to a wide audience." [Taking this on the road???]

Interestingly, my actual advisor said nothing to me about the presentation.

When I was in my second year and had been working on my project for two semesters, I presented at this joint meeting and a visiting speaker was there. She later asked my advisor how close I was to finishing. When my advisor told me this story, she didn't convey that she was glad or proud that I made a good impression, rather said something to the effect that the visiting speaker was just trying to be nice. Thanks.

Today two other grad students who are ahead of me asked me when I was finishing. Um, this is only my fourth year in grad school, and I at least expect it to take me 5!

I'm not sure if this makes me more motivated or scared/worried about what I'll do next. I keep saying that if I have nothing tying me to this area (aside from my family who lives in New England of course), that it would be a great time to move somewhere. Try something new. That would mean I start looking. Now.

100 things: 51 - 57, My boyfriends

No, I'm not going to describe multiple relationships I've been in. These are my famous boyfriends who I have to share with women around the world (not to mention their real life girlfriends or wives).

51. My movie star boyfriend: Matt Damon. I've always been a Matt fan, not a Ben fan.

52. My (current) second movies star boyfriend: James Marsden. I'd totally do him after seeing 27 Dresses. (Pardon the expression.)

53. My baseball boyfriend: (was) Johnny Damon. Like back in the day before he became a Yankee, all the other women in the world, and he looked like a painting of Jesus.

54. My (American) football boyfriend: Tom Brady. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Much like Johnny, Tom and I go waaaay back to 2001, thank you very much. My Mom even had a dream for me in which Tom and I were together and met up with my parents for lunch.

55. My soccer (football) boyfriend: Landon Donovan, thanks to the 2002 World Cup.

56. My music boyfriend: Dave Matthews. I actually really disliked his music until I went to a concert in college. Those "I'll back you up" lyrics? That's about me.

57. My TV boyfriend: Used to be Pacey, now I don't know...I don't watch a lot of TV...I guess I'll stick with Pacey/Joshua Jackson.

I almost forgot my one-year anniversary!

I recently wrote that I am sometimes a stereotypical man, in that I forget dates easily. Well, I'd been thinking about how January 29th has been coming and it would by my one-year anniversary. I did remember during the day, but not until about 12:30, that the 29th is today. So happy anniversary to me!

Lest you get confused, it's true I am single.

I had my thyroid out a year ago today. As I remembered this, I thought, "I really wish I was laying in bed all day just like I was a year ago today." Okay, so surgery is a bad reason to get to lay in bed. One of my fellow grad students commented that they only way they could get me to stay home was if I had surgery. I do go through some pretty intensely dedicated phases in lab (right now not being one of them), so it was nice to watch daytime TV, movies, and read for a week last year.

You can still see the scar, even though I thought it would be hardly visible by now. I've seen other's scars less visible after a shorter time. I should not complain though. I am sure in a couple of years it will be hardly visible, as it's improved a LOT over the past few months and I have been sure to not let it get sunburned, etc.

I have been lucky too. I did not have to undergo radioactive treatment, as the pathology was benign. The first dose of thyroid hormone they put me on has been perfect.

Friends gave me flowers.

The (then sort of) ex brought me a balloon (a week after surgery, but whatever).

My office mates gave me a care package with a Blockbuster gift card, chocolate, hot cocoa, girlie magazines and a sudoku book. My parents gave me a nice pair of earrings. I got lots of emails and cards. Everyone was very caring and helpful. I know wonderful people.

So, happy one year anniversary to me!

Update on the poll question

POLL: How to close out the online dating?

Send last message to one interesting guy, close the rest.	3 (50%)
Just close all the matches and be done with it	0 (0%)
Leave 'em open. Who knows when you'll want to jump back in to the online dating thing?	1 (16%)
Close 'em all. Leave 'em all open. Whatever. Just pick a different service next time.	2 (33%)

Poll closed
***************************
Apparently, unless I explicitly cancel my membership to the online dating service of choice, it auto-renews. So I've turned that matching right back on until February 28th. That's right. One more month of this crap. ;) Yesterday I got 8 matches that weren't all that impressive. Is that mean? I really just mean they weren't the kind of guy I'm looking for.

Closed matches: 513

That's right, there are at least 513 men in my area that this service thinks I might be interested in, but it just hasn't worked out. That is a LOT of men.

Way to motivate...sort of.

As any of you out there in science know, research can really try your patience and motivation.

I got some potentially interesting results, which helps boost that motivation and hope that I will indeed finish grad school someday. I think that an enzyme that breaks down a hormone is downregulated in one of my treatments.

But, as a grad student, I don't want to appear toooo motivated.

Instead of pushing through scoring and photography my experiment today, I left myself in suspense until tomorrow...

Is the corresponding enzyme that essentially creates the active hormone upregulated? Who knows? The answer is sitting in four little vials in the lab.

You'd think I still lived in the Green Mountain State!

Two weekends in a row I headed to Vermont. This weekend I got to see one of my friends from high school, her husband, and my godson. You'll have to take my word for it that he is the cutest thing ever, along with all the other kids I know, of course. :) He's a little over two and looooooves books. I read a million this weekend and kept spinning him around to get him dizzy. That was the extent of activity. We also sat by their wood stove and watched "Sliding Doors". This is a great movie that I highly recommend if you've never seen it.

Anyhoo. I did take this picture at a rest stop I usually use on my way up (the drawback of drinking coffee at the start of a long drive). It's the wall of a Vietnam Memorial.
Alright...busy week. Hopefully I'll think of some good stuff to post and not just random crap. :)