Earlier in the week I was commenting on the lack of true motivation I have right now. When I first started grad school, I was a machine. A machine I tell you! I was used to being a research technician where your job is to "just" do lab work, so I kept the momentum going and have a publication to show for it.
I also have a bunch of random data towards the next paper.
When I didn't want to keep going with the analysis earlier in the week, I did a little each day and began to realize why I did the experiment in the first place...also that I really needed to look at the whole experiment before I presented in a joint lab meeting this morning. So, I did. And there was one part of the experiment that wasn't clean and needs to be repeated. No big deal. I still put together a story and explained the gap and my intentions to fill it.
This is a meeting with members of about 6 different labs that work on completely different stuff. It isn't a talk to give a complete picture, but rather present a work in progress and hopefully get feedback. My project is probably the most foreign of all in the group and usually people just smile and nod. This morning I actually got a lot of questions and feed back today though!
One faculty member gave some good ideas/questions about trying to measure the affected hormone in the pathway I am suggesting may be affected or performing some sort of rescue experiment to cancel out the effects I see.
After not realizing what one faculty member was asking, she said, "If you were to go on an interview, what would your take-home message be?" [Who said I was going on an interview???]
At the end of my talk, another faculty member, who I respect a lot, came up to me and said essentially, "First of all, great job. You spoke very clearly and explained yourself well. Pretty soon you'll be taking this on the road so I have a couple of suggestions for when you speak to a wide audience." [Taking this on the road???]
Interestingly, my actual advisor said nothing to me about the presentation.
When I was in my second year and had been working on my project for two semesters, I presented at this joint meeting and a visiting speaker was there. She later asked my advisor how close I was to finishing. When my advisor told me this story, she didn't convey that she was glad or proud that I made a good impression, rather said something to the effect that the visiting speaker was just trying to be nice. Thanks.
Today two other grad students who are ahead of me asked me when I was finishing. Um, this is only my fourth year in grad school, and I at least expect it to take me 5!
I'm not sure if this makes me more motivated or scared/worried about what I'll do next. I keep saying that if I have nothing tying me to this area (aside from my family who lives in New England of course), that it would be a great time to move somewhere. Try something new. That would mean I start looking. Now.
9 comments:
Your adviser sounds like a douche...
You should transfer and then call them out on it, lol
Rub it in, why don't you. "I'm almost finished, neener!"
Just kidding. I need to see people complete the (heinous, painful) process. It gives me hope. :)
Ugh. I hate that 4th year, early 5th year when everyone and their brother is asking you when you are going to be done.
And the really sucky thing is that when you _do_ know, no one asks you anymore. So, you have to volunteer the information if you want to invoke smiles and moments of joy.
Sounds like your advisor isn't good at showing praise. That is sucky too. That or she is just really weirded out by the idea of you leaving... but whatever. That is part of the process, so you think she'd be used to the idea.
I'm happy your presentation went so well. It sounds like you did a really great job!
The possibility inherent in life transitions like this is both completely liberating and also terrifying.
Maxie, I must admit that I do feel some advising lacking. But we get a long okay, so that's good!
Ern, don't get me wrong. I'm not going start writing tomorrow, but hopefully the next paper will be submitted within 9 to 12 months!
Danielle, I particularly love it [sarcastic tone] when people comment on how long of a program I'm in. It's my freakin' PhD! They don't hand them out overnight! Sometimes I think people finally realize how stressful it is to have people ask you so they stop.
Kalki, exactly. I feel like I have too many options!
It's a real compliment when people ask you when you're finishing (hey! maybe they want to hire you!) and it's great that you got that kind of feedback. Hopefully your adviser has some good qualities...
Congrats on the positive feedback. It must be nice to hear. I cannot imagine the dedication it must take to go through a PhD program. It takes as long as it takes to get it done right, right?
Clearly, the take home message here is that you are a total *rock star*! Congratulations on doing such a good job on your presentation.
Agreed once again that your advisor is laaaame. These other profs that came up to you after the presentation, are they people you can use as resources? They sound infinitely more helpful.
I also totally agree with kalki that life changes are at once terrifying and exciting. I have no doubt that you are headed for extraordinary things!
Aurora, maybe they just want to get rid of me (joking). My advisor has her moments, but they are much more rare than when I first started. We used to all sit in her office every couple of weeks drinking coffee and chatting. Now she keeps her door closed.
Spark, yeah, the amount of work you put in and more importantly how lucky you are with your experiments working determines how quickly you can get out. It helps to be pushy too.
Molly, I totally will use at least one of them as a resource. She has my life - married, two grown boys and a faculty member with an active lab. :)
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