Recently, while giving a not-so-informative update on the dating sitch, I mentioned how my friends and I have embraced the internet mostly. So let me explain myself.
Background
When my older sister was in college, they still used pine for email. I thought it was sooo cool to email my friend in college, but we still sent hand-written letters.
When I was in college, email was much more widely used, ICQ was the big messaging program, and it hadn't occurred to anyone that sharing mp3s would turn all illegal. Google barely existed, so most people used yahoo to search the internet.
I went abroad for the 2001-2002 school year to teach English after college, so I didn't use the internet for much more than email occasionally.
Present day
My friend and I were talking about how we feel about the whole online-dating thing. One of the problems I have with it is knowing so many random things about someone before meeting them. When you meet someone the old fashioned way, say in a bar or at a party, you find out where the person is from, how long they've been in the area, maybe how long they have known a common friend. Now, when I meet a guy in person, I know all this and have to review his profile, answers to questions, what I have told him and really think about some questions I may want to ask him. I feel like I am preparing for a date the way I would prepare for an interview!
Online dating also adds a while lot of impersonal-ness to dating. The first guy I went out on a couple of dates with left me a little disillusioned about people's sense of propriety. We had dinner, ice cream and a walk the first night. Then we had dinner and watched a movie at his place, after which he did not walk me to my car even though it was after midnight. Then I went away for a weekend and called him Tuesday or Wednesday after I got back and left a message. Rather than talk to me on the phone or in person, he closed the match online and I never heard from him again. Huh. He's in his early 30's, a doctor, and can't handle telling me that he doesn't think it will work out?
So, although the internet makes staying in touch incredibly convenient, I frequently miss the other interactions that have become less common, like phone calls. The catch is that because email is so easy, I've also become really bad about calling friends to just catch up, but I'm not good about emailing back quickly either. I feel like my interpersonal skills are not as good as they should be, yet interpersonal skills seems to include online interactions too. I don't know what my point is, except that getting hand written letters is still really nice, as are phone conversations; and the internet has really messed with the world of dating; and my friends and I are at this strange point where we sort of grew up with the internet, but are not as comfortable using it to its fullest like the undergrads I with whom I work now. Does any of this make sense?
7 comments:
"One of the problems I have with it is knowing so many random things about someone before meeting them."
Yeah, I'd agree with this. And (I think I mentioned to you before?) a related but different problem comes from google-stalking! You learn something about their past and when they tell you about it you either have to pretend you didn't know ahead of time or freak them out by saying you knew that already.
Internet dating seems weird to me. My sense is that it's easier for people to be dishonest when they don't have to look you in the eye.
And yet I know a two long-term couples who met through online dating. So, who can really say?
Dude, I remember pine!
What you say makes total sense. I have often thought that the internet (and especially being part of an online community through blogging) has changed the nature of our relationships. In a lot of ways it is really good, because it connects us with people and diverse ideas we wouldn't encounter otherwise. But it can be bad, when we haven't even met our neighbors, for example. (Not that I haven't met my neighbors, because that would be ridiculous. Okay fine, I totally haven't ever met my neighbors. Shut up.)
I started out on Altavista search and Pine email, so I TOTALLY feel you.
When I left for college, I asked a friend to show me the whole "internet thing" because I had never even ventured there.
I can see how the online dating would be weird. It's like when you meet an online friend. You already know so much about them from reading their blog, probably more than some IRL friends.
I'm a bit older than you (not much) but I know how you feel. It's weird.
I did, however, meet my husband online and I absolutely adore him 98.5% of the time. Maybe I'm just one of the really lucky ones because woo-boy did I meet a lot of frogs before I met him, but still. To me, it was just another way to meet someone. That was before I was obsessed with Google, though. :)
Ah, yes Carolyn, google-stalking. A good way to avoid dissertation writing too, right? :) After the first guy I tracked down with google, I've stopped because I felt a little sketchy.
Sparkling Red, they do lie too. I have been matched with someone I know and a friend with someone she knows only because the guys lied!
Kalki, maybe your neighbors aren't nice people? ...or maybe they are? It is fun getting to know other people through the online community!
Ern, "internet thing." Hahaha...Yeah, I'm not really sure I did anything except an occasional email before I went to college.
Chick, I have heard many wonderful success stories like yours, and that's why I figured I would try internet dating to meet someone. It hasn't been horrible, but after 7 or 8 months, I have decided there are better ways to spend my time...like chasing after boys I meet at friends parties who they failed to mention they knew 6 months ago when I was telling them I was trying online dating. Oh, well.
Chasing down guys from parties that friends host seems way better. Usually, it means they are already reasonable enough to be friends with whoever you are friends with too.
It is odd to me that after a few dates, someone wouldn't have the decency to call and tell you they didn't want to go out anymore. I mean, hey we all like to be non-confrontational, but wow, that takes the cake.
I don't even remember the name of the email system we used back in '90. I think it was strictly within the university and not for outside use. And then I know that at NU we were on the casbah server, but I think it might've been Pine. I bet HB would remember. I'll have to ask him and see.
All I can say is, thank goodness Al Gore invented the internet.
;-)
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