Here we go again

Once upon a time, 747 (published) blog posts ago, over six years ago, in a place about a 90 minute flight away from my current home, I had one more beer than usual on a Friday night and decided it was time to venture into online dating. I *think* it was about a year after an ex and I had broken up. He was still doing things like inviting me to go to France with him though. I am sorry to say there is a little part of me that wonders why I did not. About the same time, I started a blog for some reason, and I used it to share stories of online dating with my friends to both stay in touch and not have to repeat stories.

Fast forward through some brief dating experiences, a fateful trip to Montana where CF and I met, my PhD, a great post-doc position, and an approximately four year relationship (time flies when you're...not paying attention?!). I find myself in a new city, starting a new (permanent) position, within a couple of hours of most of my closest college friends, an easy half-day drive to my parents' house, an easy flight to those in Boston.

I have my car and my belongings finally. I have been teaching. I have been slowly untagging myself in some photos over the past month. CF's profile popped up with he and a woman in it last week. I forced him (with guilt via texts) to admit he was seeing someone new. The start of their relationship suspiciously coincides with right after I wrote to him this summer. So, regardless of whether he was truthful with me or whether he was so over our relationship that it did not occur to him it might sting if I just suddenly saw a picture of he and a new woman, or he had texted me the night before his profile picture changed to start an opportunity to slip it into a text conversation, the knowledge he is dating someone and others knew about it was the kick in the butt I needed to clean out more of my online 'friends'.

And set up an online dating profile.

Stay tuned.

FML

I cannot recall ever truly saying or writing 'FML' before, and there is enough good in my life to not feel that way, but the crappy stuff keeps piling itself on. So we will start with a sh*t-that-sucks recap and finish with a life-is-good recap so you know why I am not in total despair.

sh*t that sucks

I had to find a place to stay one last night because my landlord *NEEDED* to give the key to the new tenant. Then the new tenant said he was going to clean the carpet in the morning before moving anything in...so I could've stayed there one last night you mean? And not missed the surprise for my friend's birthday gathering to meet my landlord on my last night before I moved? Awesome.

It rained while I loaded my car. I threw some stuff out that I was not attached to and wouldn't have fit in the car. I was soaked and carrying a flower pot down the back stairs to leave on my neighbor's porch and slipped on the stairs. Then I carried the second one down and slipped in the exact same spot. My butt is still, almost a week later, purple. Literally purple. The edges are *barely* starting to turn yellow like the bruise is healing. It does not hurt as much as it looks like it should, but I avoid seeing my purple butt in the mirror to minimize the reminder.

My belongings were $500 over weight of the estimate the moving company gave me.

I had to have my car jump started yesterday. For some reason the battery was dead.

My ex, who I in no way wish I was still with, is getting married this weekend. Yup, the same ex who a couple of years back informed me if there was a chance he and I would get back together he wouldn't marry the woman who will become his wife this weekend. I am not sad I am not marrying him, just sad that I do not have someone at home to make me dinner, pour me a glass of wine, and let me cry in his lap when I...

...Crash my car like I did today! There was (excessive? unnecessary?) crying, both in public and in private. The dude I hit, my new insurance agent, the body shop, the random guy picking up his car at the body shop who was then at Enterprise when I was picking up my rental were all SUPER NICE and helpful. That is why I kept crying. If only they hadn't been nice. ;-)

I think three of these things should count as the 'things happen in threes' and we should move on to why...

...life is good

I have already caught up with two friends in my new home city. I met new people at one birthday party and one pool/barbecue. I met a new guy in a friend's life, and he's great. I have plans to see three other friends in the area in the near future (in addition to partners/children in their lives). OH, and another friend and her family who will be on the Jersey shore for vacation in 10 days. Woohoo!

I am close to a Trader Joe's and several Dunkin' Donuts. All the amenities of Boston, I tell you. Only I live WAY closer to an IKEA now than I did in Boston.

I have the inheritance from my grandfather to soften all the blows listed above.

I have wonderful faculty colleagues who have been very helpful.

My air mattress does not have a hole in it...which is good because I do not know when my bed will be here.

My post-doc advisor needed my new address because she was filling out paperwork for a recognition certificate for me.

My paper from my post-doc is published.

I will have another review paper soon with my new contact info (read: good for tenure).

I'll see most of my family in a month for my 10th MS Challenge Walk.

I have been catching up on lost sleep, and it is amazing.

Time for a cold washcloth on my swollen eyes and a good 10 hours of sleep.

TMI

I can't really figure out how to work the camera on my computer that I've had for nearly 5 years or I would take a picture of my cat deciding my butt was the most comfortable place to sleep.

I seriously wondered what she would do if I farted.

I figured it out.
Doesn't she look comfy?

 This is me wishing I didn't have to *really pee* right now.

Almost Everyday

Pick me up love
Lift me up love
Pick me up love
Everday.

RM posted this song a while back, and the video is not about romantic love and will make you smile. BUT I thought of it the other day when I realized RM and I were interacting on an almost daily basis for probably longer than I realized.

After talking to a friend about a boy issue she had recently, I was telling her about RM and some of the conversations we have had. She said either 1. he has a thing for you too or 2. he is a stereotypical guy who doesn't realize that what he is saying/doing could be taken other than just a friendly situation. These were the two options for her recent situation, and it seems as though it was #2 for her, which as I have mentioned before is also poop.

Last night, after I got in bed I checked my phone one last time. The little blue alert light was blinking, and I thought, "If RM sent me a message after getting home from his meeting tonight...I mean...seriously?" And it was a message from 20 minutes earlier, and when I wrote back he didn't respond, which to me means he sent me a message before going to bed. Who does that? ;-)

Yes, I knew he had a meeting because I had set aside some beer magazines that I dropped off late afternoon and he had asked if I also wanted to get a mango lassi while I was at it...and then we sat on the swings at church talking for a while...for reals.


ANYWAY. I have gone and distracted myself again. I have packing to do and letting it go to do and then going to bed to do...unless I get another end-of-day message, and then I'll be all distracted again.


Speaking of distraction, SoulPancake videos are great.

Le sighs

You all get to read this because I do not have a roommate to share it with, although I am due for a phone call with one of my oldest friends so I could just tell her. I'm procrastinating on writing and packing though, so blog post it is! I did just fess up to a friend here about one of my crushes after we ran into him on the street. Of course later after I made the stupid decision to read an email from CF at the end of the work week and she kept asking me if I was crying, so I did cry, she got to hear that story too. Oiy.

I was at youth group the other night with VM and his brother and 4 teenage boys. We played Apples to Apples. VM and I picked each other's cards as the winner more often than not, and we were the tying winners. Does it mean anything? Probably not, but it made me smile. That and making him laugh frequently.

I asked RM if he wanted some Beer Advocate magazines I was debating about recycling. This conversation ensued.

I like that he thinks I have a sense of what he would find interesting. Of course we did talk for two hours over some beer the other night with no awkward silences, so he is probably right.

I got to spend the day with both men and others working on a Habitat for Humanity house. I am not having trouble fitting in social time my last month in this Midwest state!

Closure

It has been a couple of months since I wrote about CF, and this, well, this may be the last time. I had this email planned in my head at the end of spring that I would send to my friends giving them the FYI that I had finally had The Talk. I texted a couple of friends one night after drafting an email to him. Yes, an email. Yes, after knowing each other almost 5 years and being a couple, at least technically, for at least 4 1/2 of those years. It is crazy to me that it has been that long every time I think about it. Both friends basically suggested I sleep on it. Smart ladies. And I am pretty sure they do not have each others' phone numbers to call/text to say, "WTF with Jenski?! Let's give her the same advice." ;-) But I did sleep on it and then also never called him.

I have been slowly untagging some pictures and deleting some others on the FB. I had long ago made my relationship status private, but then made it single some time in the past couple of months. CF texted me as he was waiting to get on a plane to see his family and told me that it wouldn't be the same without me. I texted back to make sure he did not let anyone think we are still in a relationship. He said, "Nice. Thanks." So I said, "Well, thank you too then." Mature, huh?

Anyway. I also took apart a puzzle he had put together and framed for me for Christmas (see first link in the post for why this puzzle thing irks me). I took it apart tonight to make room on my wall for an art fair purchase, and really why would I move a large framed item that makes me feel irritated when I look at it?

Any thoughts on what I should do with the pieces? I took a picture of the completed puzzle, so maybe I will bring it to my parents' house or give it to someone who likes puzzles.

 

I still have things I felt I needed to say to him, being that we literally just stopped talking to each other. To make sure he understands how his job decision affected me. How his behavior affected me. I thought maybe my last night in the apartment I would sit on my porch and write to him. I was thinking about it too much, and I have other things to do though. So a couple of nights ago, I sat on my porch, had a beer, wrote some pages, and cried a few more times.

As I said on my Instagram photo (get on Instagram, y'all!), I am sure I had more to say, but 7 pages should do it.

It was a lovely sunset that night.