Sad and frustrating

Way to title a blog post, huh? Also, don't read this unless you like reading blog venting. Or do read it and then be annoyed that I'm venting, but don't say I didn't warn you.

Back story: My grandmother passed away 8 years ago. All through these 8 years, my Mom has visited my grandfather twice a month (it's about an hour drive each way for her), helped him with his bills, had lunch with him, helped him out as she can, and visited with him. He is in his 80s, and I am sure does not know what to do with himself half the time. He sold a guitar he had when he was a young whipper-snapper...only my Mom had specifically asked him not to because she had so many fond memories of listening to him play and sing and it was a beautiful guitar and she wanted to have it when he was gone. He also sold a victrola and records that HE remembered turning the crank on when he was a kid...for some ridiculously low price, but he just needed to get rid of it. Actually, every time he has sold something, it sounds like the buyer gets an unfair deal. Who would really tell an old man that he should be selling these things for more though I guess.

My grandfather is on his second girlfriend now. The first was kinda bossy like my grandmother, but maintained her independence. She did not like my grandfather to eat desserts because she was diabetic. Then she passed away a couple of years ago. Her family was not in the area and truly appreciated the time my grandfather and she had spent together. She had Alzheimers, so I am sure it was hard for my grandfather as she deteriorated.

I think it has been less than a year with this new woman. She is younger - knows how to use a computer even! She is also bossy (I guess that is what my grandfather likes), but is living off my grandfather now. My grandfather bought rings for them both after they had been spending time together for maybe a month? Then a trailer so they could move in together. (and sold the hot tub that came with it for a few hundred dollars - see a trend?) Then he got sick for a few months, and the trailer did not work for rescue to get a stretcher in. So then they just moved into a first floor apartment. He bought a car; put her name on the deed. Gave her some big check "because she deserved it". Sent my mom a letter through a lawyer suggesting she had done something inappropriate with checks that were meant for my grandmother's trust - checks she had given to my grandfather to bring to the bank - and I do not think she has spoken to him in the three weeks since.

That is the back story. Here is my part of the story. I have not always been good about visiting my grandparents, particularly my grandmother on my Dad's side because the REST of his family lives nearby her. My grandfather I visit when I am going to travel abroad or I had gone with my mom a few times and we see him on holidays. Mother's Day, it was my sister's idea to go visit him and put flowers at my grandmother's grave. Then when he was sick, we put together a photo book from Kodak with pictures from the past year (HIGHLY recommend this gift idea for aging relatives who do not need much else).

I am participating in my sixth 50-mile walk to raise money for Multiple Sclerosis (which my Mom has). I sent letters asking for donations to all my relatives as I always have. In the past, my grandfather has chosen to give me between $200 and $300 dollars, and I truly appreciate the generosity. This year, he and his girlfriend each sent me a check for $10. This puts me $20 closer to the minimum I am supposed to raise, and that I truly appreciate as well.

What bothers me is the TYPED letter that came with it. If my grandfather saw a computer on the side of the road, he probably would not be able to tell you that it was a computer, let alone plug it in and turn it on. Excerpts from the letter: "You should be proud proud of yourself for all your hard work." [I want HIM to be proud?!] "finances for christmas are limited this year - I do not want anything for myself." [Whatever, you're my grandfather. I like trying to think of something you'd enjoy but don't want. Also, teach your girlfriend to type Christmas with a capital 'C'.] This is the kicker: "Due to differences with your mother and I - my contact with the family will be limited."

WTF - Differences? What differences? He sends a letter to my mom through a lawyer instead of talking to her, gives me $10 towards a disease his own daughter has lived with for over 20 years. and doesn't want to see his grandchildren or great-grandchildren anymore because ?

I do not even know what to say. My grandmother is probably rolling over in her grave right now. It makes me feel that much more guilty that I have not visited more, because maybe he would realize that that is ridiculous. My niece and my nephew have a great-grandfather, and he and his girlfriend are choosing to take that away. I do not know if I should let it go, write back, or seriously show up on his doorstep tomorrow. I can't believe that he wrote or even spoke this letter because he does not use the type of language that is in it. I will obviously write a thank-you for the donation, but do not know what else to write on it. I feel like showering him with familial love just to put him in his place.

I seriously feel like I just lost my grandfather.