TMI

I can't really figure out how to work the camera on my computer that I've had for nearly 5 years or I would take a picture of my cat deciding my butt was the most comfortable place to sleep.

I seriously wondered what she would do if I farted.

I figured it out.
Doesn't she look comfy?

 This is me wishing I didn't have to *really pee* right now.

Almost Everyday

Pick me up love
Lift me up love
Pick me up love
Everday.

RM posted this song a while back, and the video is not about romantic love and will make you smile. BUT I thought of it the other day when I realized RM and I were interacting on an almost daily basis for probably longer than I realized.

After talking to a friend about a boy issue she had recently, I was telling her about RM and some of the conversations we have had. She said either 1. he has a thing for you too or 2. he is a stereotypical guy who doesn't realize that what he is saying/doing could be taken other than just a friendly situation. These were the two options for her recent situation, and it seems as though it was #2 for her, which as I have mentioned before is also poop.

Last night, after I got in bed I checked my phone one last time. The little blue alert light was blinking, and I thought, "If RM sent me a message after getting home from his meeting tonight...I mean...seriously?" And it was a message from 20 minutes earlier, and when I wrote back he didn't respond, which to me means he sent me a message before going to bed. Who does that? ;-)

Yes, I knew he had a meeting because I had set aside some beer magazines that I dropped off late afternoon and he had asked if I also wanted to get a mango lassi while I was at it...and then we sat on the swings at church talking for a while...for reals.


ANYWAY. I have gone and distracted myself again. I have packing to do and letting it go to do and then going to bed to do...unless I get another end-of-day message, and then I'll be all distracted again.


Speaking of distraction, SoulPancake videos are great.

Le sighs

You all get to read this because I do not have a roommate to share it with, although I am due for a phone call with one of my oldest friends so I could just tell her. I'm procrastinating on writing and packing though, so blog post it is! I did just fess up to a friend here about one of my crushes after we ran into him on the street. Of course later after I made the stupid decision to read an email from CF at the end of the work week and she kept asking me if I was crying, so I did cry, she got to hear that story too. Oiy.

I was at youth group the other night with VM and his brother and 4 teenage boys. We played Apples to Apples. VM and I picked each other's cards as the winner more often than not, and we were the tying winners. Does it mean anything? Probably not, but it made me smile. That and making him laugh frequently.

I asked RM if he wanted some Beer Advocate magazines I was debating about recycling. This conversation ensued.

I like that he thinks I have a sense of what he would find interesting. Of course we did talk for two hours over some beer the other night with no awkward silences, so he is probably right.

I got to spend the day with both men and others working on a Habitat for Humanity house. I am not having trouble fitting in social time my last month in this Midwest state!

Closure

It has been a couple of months since I wrote about CF, and this, well, this may be the last time. I had this email planned in my head at the end of spring that I would send to my friends giving them the FYI that I had finally had The Talk. I texted a couple of friends one night after drafting an email to him. Yes, an email. Yes, after knowing each other almost 5 years and being a couple, at least technically, for at least 4 1/2 of those years. It is crazy to me that it has been that long every time I think about it. Both friends basically suggested I sleep on it. Smart ladies. And I am pretty sure they do not have each others' phone numbers to call/text to say, "WTF with Jenski?! Let's give her the same advice." ;-) But I did sleep on it and then also never called him.

I have been slowly untagging some pictures and deleting some others on the FB. I had long ago made my relationship status private, but then made it single some time in the past couple of months. CF texted me as he was waiting to get on a plane to see his family and told me that it wouldn't be the same without me. I texted back to make sure he did not let anyone think we are still in a relationship. He said, "Nice. Thanks." So I said, "Well, thank you too then." Mature, huh?

Anyway. I also took apart a puzzle he had put together and framed for me for Christmas (see first link in the post for why this puzzle thing irks me). I took it apart tonight to make room on my wall for an art fair purchase, and really why would I move a large framed item that makes me feel irritated when I look at it?

Any thoughts on what I should do with the pieces? I took a picture of the completed puzzle, so maybe I will bring it to my parents' house or give it to someone who likes puzzles.

 

I still have things I felt I needed to say to him, being that we literally just stopped talking to each other. To make sure he understands how his job decision affected me. How his behavior affected me. I thought maybe my last night in the apartment I would sit on my porch and write to him. I was thinking about it too much, and I have other things to do though. So a couple of nights ago, I sat on my porch, had a beer, wrote some pages, and cried a few more times.

As I said on my Instagram photo (get on Instagram, y'all!), I am sure I had more to say, but 7 pages should do it.

It was a lovely sunset that night.

Stories abound

All this leaving and moving comes with lots of compliments and ego boosts and people realizing that they have limited time with me living here. Distractions and things to do, when I have work to do.

Posts to write about how life in general is isolating, no matter who you are; the irony of being a single woman with no children feeling like I need 'me time'; wondering what life would be like if I wasn't living off a single modest income; wishing I was honest, even when I wasn't asked; pretending I was thinking about science, when really I was thinking about life.

I am going to pretend to think about science for a little while longer before cleaning the bug spray off and going to bed...only to go to church in the morning, then lab, then get a boat ride if I am lucky, and then maybe get more work done. Whatever I do, I need my beauty sleep so I look good for the men in my life.

Look! Gratuitous sunset picture!

So much to say

So many titles I can give the randomness could be this post, but it's getting late and I need some sleep so I can try to get some work done tomorrow. Three weeks tonight until I am living in a new place. It's crazy. Scary. I try not to think about all the things I want to do before then. All the things I could have done.

But enough about work.

My sister is a smart lady. She saw this crush happening and was worried what might happen if I pursued it. Never fear. I wanted too much to be back on the right coast near friends and family to let the possibility of a relationship pop up on my radar for real and keep me in this Midwest town.

As I type this, I am on the FB with one of my favorite contemporaries joking about redecorating his bathroom next week when I will be the second adult with my other favorite contemporary at summer youth "group"/hang out while the former goes to some show he wants to go to. We chat every other night or so on the FB. Sometimes during the work day. Minimally at church because I'm awkward like that. Le, sigh.

The other night, he informed me this should be my new theme song.

Aw.

Last night I think I started saying good-bye to people. It was the year-end handbell dinner. People gave me cards and hugs and it is kinda sad. We met at the home of the woman with whom I was paired prior to joining the church. Her daughter lives in a neighborhood of Boston and teaches school in a town near my sister. Her husband passed away several years ago. She herself was a teacher and just took early retirement at the end of this school year. She encouraged me to ring bells. She feels sorta like an aunt. She keeps track of me and what is going on in my life. I was in my car as one of the last three and she and I ended up talking for another 30 minutes while the mosquitoes had their fill. Over the course of the conversation though, she informed me that the one contemporary, RM if you're still with me on this random story, is going to miss me. I think she meant because I have started being involved with the youth at church and am mostly willing to take on organizational/leadership-type responsibilities and will say yes when asked as long as I do not have something else specifically planned. There is the other 'what if' side still...see the song suggestion he gave me above and any previous discussion of avoiding the over-thinking college woman I was so I don't get wrapped up in the what-ifs and get my stuff written and my apartment packed and my butt moved so I can start my career for reals.