It has been a long fall. I have emails (personal, not work) in the queue I haven't responded to (sorry, sis), I've run some, I've has some student who I wish were not dealing with what they are dealing with, I'm still dating (maybe more on this word choice later), I have made great friends and close close aquaintences here, I am going to see Dar Williams this weekend (Woohoo!), and I have six weeks with no classes starting very soon (to be clear, this does NOT mean six weeks off). There is still this though:
Bill: When do you want to go see the movie 'the interview'?
Jenski: Don't you mean 'the theory of everything'?
Bill: Double feature!
Jenski: That would be quite the funny date night.
Bill:It'll be an upper and a downer.
Jenski: But if we go to that theater where we go, we can sneak in a bottle of wine!
Bill: I'll wear baggy pants.
Jenski: That's what winter coats are for.
Bill: True. Cold weather is smuggling weather.
Jenski: I wonder why we don't hear more about those Canadians {Sorry, Spark} smuggling drugs, alcohol, people, and exotic pets into the country?
Bill: Because they sail down Lake Michigan which is full of scoundrels.
Jenski: Corrupt Wisconsinites!
Bill: Exactly! They love cheese and crime.
Jenski: We're funny.
Bill: Haha. Yup.
04 December 2014
30 October 2014
Tapped
I was going to title this 'Tapped Out', but I am not quite there yet. In true form I have some work I truly need to finish tonight. I also just had a text conversation with a dear friend about how we need to catch up and said that I was sad over the weekend thinking about how I haven't been able to make time to keep up with friends [waves hi to all those friends out there], but here I am posting something so I can clear my mind and get the work done. You're welcome.
The truth is I do have down time, and it is typically spent hanging out with Bill. I did see a friend and her fiancee over the weekend because she happened to text and Bill and I were going to be walking right by their apartment. I am going on a whirlwind trip to Disney World next weekend and running 13.1 miles in the middle of the trip. Life is not entirely all work and no play.
Work is happening and good and very busy. I find myself talking with a lot of students outside of class, which is great because I think they generally think I am approachable and helpful. My summer research student frequently exclaims how much she loves me and how I always have great advice. I am particularly touched after the college chaplain emailed me with a message from a student I have a good relationship with because that student specifically asked the chaplain to tell me something.
It is a tricky balance when students like interacting with you and you want to know what all of them think and how you can help them but you have classes to prep and research to do. I said to friends at work today that I think I am spending too much time doing that because at the end of the day I have talked with a lot of students and not done much work. I end up at home at 9:00 with a bunch of work to do. I do love the student part of my job, though, and sometimes I think I would be fulfilled by a career in counseling.
Then I get an email from the college chaplain that makes me tear up (the student is/will be fine, but I am just worried), and then I realize counseling and caring about everyone all the time would be too exhausting.
The truth is I do have down time, and it is typically spent hanging out with Bill. I did see a friend and her fiancee over the weekend because she happened to text and Bill and I were going to be walking right by their apartment. I am going on a whirlwind trip to Disney World next weekend and running 13.1 miles in the middle of the trip. Life is not entirely all work and no play.
Work is happening and good and very busy. I find myself talking with a lot of students outside of class, which is great because I think they generally think I am approachable and helpful. My summer research student frequently exclaims how much she loves me and how I always have great advice. I am particularly touched after the college chaplain emailed me with a message from a student I have a good relationship with because that student specifically asked the chaplain to tell me something.
It is a tricky balance when students like interacting with you and you want to know what all of them think and how you can help them but you have classes to prep and research to do. I said to friends at work today that I think I am spending too much time doing that because at the end of the day I have talked with a lot of students and not done much work. I end up at home at 9:00 with a bunch of work to do. I do love the student part of my job, though, and sometimes I think I would be fulfilled by a career in counseling.
Then I get an email from the college chaplain that makes me tear up (the student is/will be fine, but I am just worried), and then I realize counseling and caring about everyone all the time would be too exhausting.
11 October 2014
Holy Moly!
It's been a bit of time since I last posted, and this one is sure to disappoint. By all means, you few readers are welcome to let me know what I should be writing about or what you've wondered I've been up to. I've been busy, and life is good. So I'm here to share with you conversations I still have with the Ex about once a year. This is from yesterday/today.
And I leave you with that to ponder. We've had this 'conversation' before.
Off to spend the day drinking beer with the guy I'm actually dating, to be followed tomorrow morning with my first running race ever (a 5k on campus) so that I can at least have a race experience once before doing 13.1 miles next month. Ack! I need to come up with a running plan for the next few weeks. I've done 10.4 so I'm not too worried, but would like to do at least a 12 or 13 mile run before then.
[**I do have his phone number blocked so he cannot text me. Not sure if he realizes that or not. He doesn't email. Now every so often he'll send a FB message. Why haven't I unfriended him? Because I don't want the email asking, "Why, Jenski, why?" Although now that I write that, an email would be easier to ignore...]
Him: I'll be in your city soon. Want to meet up for dinner??[This is not the first time he has said that...and a mere 12 hours later he follows up, so I'm not sure what his version of 'respecting my decision' means.]
Me: No thanks.
Him: Boo. Really? {insert FB 'sticker' to indicate frustrated emotion} I respect your decision, but wish we could be friends
Him: BTW, why don't you want to hang out? We've both had significant others since we dated. Doesn't that mean we can be friends now?[You're all asking yourselves right about now why I'm engaging in this conversation, right? Me too.**]
Me: I have enough friends and don't need reminders of failed relationships. I've thought about them enough. Why do you keep pushing it every so often over the years when I keep saying no?
Him: Okay. I give up. I "keep pushing it" because I want to reconnect with an old friend and hope you've gotten over it now since it's been almost 10 years and you've had other relationship. {insert FB sticker to indicate confused emotion.}
Me: Sure, I've gotten over it and moved on, which is why I'm happy with the friends I have.
And I leave you with that to ponder. We've had this 'conversation' before.
Off to spend the day drinking beer with the guy I'm actually dating, to be followed tomorrow morning with my first running race ever (a 5k on campus) so that I can at least have a race experience once before doing 13.1 miles next month. Ack! I need to come up with a running plan for the next few weeks. I've done 10.4 so I'm not too worried, but would like to do at least a 12 or 13 mile run before then.
[**I do have his phone number blocked so he cannot text me. Not sure if he realizes that or not. He doesn't email. Now every so often he'll send a FB message. Why haven't I unfriended him? Because I don't want the email asking, "Why, Jenski, why?" Although now that I write that, an email would be easier to ignore...]
06 July 2014
Where did June go?
Time flies when you're super busy! I do not really have time to post right now because I have some emails to write and a grant proposal to work on. I was inspired to share a couple of things though, like text conversations with Bill that make me laugh. He is on the left; I am on the right.
I went to a workshop where there were lupine...
...jellyfish...
...and lots of fun and good connections made. I also got to see friends and family before and after the workshop, which is always a plus!
There are other things I could write about, but maybe when things slow down after my proposal deadline? Famous last words - after that deadline is an undergrad research day with my summer student and after that I have four weeks to plan a seminar course and catch up on all the other teaching ideas I have had. It would be nice to read a book for fun too....
29 May 2014
That's it!
I have a couple of posts in draft form, a grant to write, my sister's birthday to follow up on (it's on my list, Aim!), a long weekend with my parents I could post about, a conference tomorrow.
But I heard this song on the radio on my way home. I teared up and had one of those aha! moments.
This is why I hesitate to risk putting myself out there.
When this song came out, the whole thing made me cry. Then, when I stopped being angry and hurt about my last relationship, I would hear it wish that someone felt (or acted) this way for me; it gave me a sense of longing. Now, apparently, it does what I am sure therapy could have done two years ago and gave me a chance to articulate why I shy away from the possibility of another relationship.
Music is cheaper than therapy.
But I heard this song on the radio on my way home. I teared up and had one of those aha! moments.
This is why I hesitate to risk putting myself out there.
When I heard these final lines in the song, I thought that I have felt that way before, and I don't feel like that was reciprocated. Maybe my actions did not exhibit the emotion behind them enough? I do not really know, but I am not sure that someone has felt this way about me, and I teared up. [To be fair, I bet that my high school boyfriend did feel this way, but given our young age, didn't know how to fight for us and get my 19-year-old-self to grow up.]Girl can you tell me
the one thing you'd rather die than lose?
'Cause mine would be you.
Mine would be you.
When this song came out, the whole thing made me cry. Then, when I stopped being angry and hurt about my last relationship, I would hear it wish that someone felt (or acted) this way for me; it gave me a sense of longing. Now, apparently, it does what I am sure therapy could have done two years ago and gave me a chance to articulate why I shy away from the possibility of another relationship.
Music is cheaper than therapy.
01 May 2014
Aging
A couple of weeks ago I entered a new age bracket. I now have to check off "35-44 years old" when I fill out surveys in an attempt to win $1500 for praising the clearance section when filling out the the survey from the bottom of a Target receipt.
I remember coming up with interesting things to post about with regards to another year under my belt. I am getting older, though, and I forget what those interesting things were. Just kidding. Well, not really. I do think I have forgotten, but it has been nearly a month since I posted, so I am sure I can come up with something you all care to read about....
So the big 3-5.
...I got some presents...
...and used them...
...(Not pictured: chocolate, sneakers, wine cork decorative container, handheld vacuum.) Yes, I took a picture of a fried egg.
OH. Speaking of eggs. Here is a good conversation a BFF and I had. (This was totally a stream of consciousness-like post. My brain makes connections that are just this clever.)
After a somewhat lengthy discussion on the topic, it comes down to this: She assumes she will have fertility problems, and given certain situations and family, I do not assume I will. I would love to have children, but given my last relationship, prioritizing my current career given relationship failures, and my age, I have also come to terms with the fact that it may not happen. I used to worry about boogers and puke; now I wonder how I would be able to teach a 3-hour lab starting at 8:30 a.m. if my child is up with the flu all night. I am also completely open to falling in love with a child who was not my biological child if that is what is in the cards. While it was a bit tongue-in-cheek, if my child is already potty trained and sleeps through the night when they become my child, who am I to complain? (Right now) I do not need to mess with my body, inject myself with hormones, and have a bunch of my eggs harvested and frozen to be happy with my life. This is what feels right to me right now, but you never know what life will bring, right?
It is also frustrating to know I am getting older and have people tell me that I am "so" young (because I am the youngest in my department). While I do not feel OLD, I know I am not YOUNG.
Now that I have that off my chest, I will try to post again soon with more interesting things....
FYI, my birthday also entailed going out to a great dinner with Bill (and a future weekend away somewhere TBD), some flowers from a coworker's garden, and lots of "Happy birthdays!" in the form of FB posts and texts from friends and family. It is not so bad getting older. :-)
I remember coming up with interesting things to post about with regards to another year under my belt. I am getting older, though, and I forget what those interesting things were. Just kidding. Well, not really. I do think I have forgotten, but it has been nearly a month since I posted, so I am sure I can come up with something you all care to read about....
So the big 3-5.
...I got some presents...
OH. Speaking of eggs. Here is a good conversation a BFF and I had. (This was totally a stream of consciousness-like post. My brain makes connections that are just this clever.)
Friend: Hey, Jenski, how's life?Actually, I guess relationships and family are the biggest thing I think about when I think about aging. At 35 years old, I do not actually FEEL old, but when I think about life, I think that I am slowly running out of time for certain things. Now that I am on the topic, why don't I turn this post into that?
Jenski: Great. Here's what's new, etc., etc. What's new with you?
Friend: Oh, not much. The boyfriend still hasn't finished grad school. I also called with a weird question. Have you ever thought about freezing your eggs?
Jenski: No. As in, right now I can't imagine feeling like I would ever want to freeze my eggs.
{Insert conversation about aging and fertility.}
After a somewhat lengthy discussion on the topic, it comes down to this: She assumes she will have fertility problems, and given certain situations and family, I do not assume I will. I would love to have children, but given my last relationship, prioritizing my current career given relationship failures, and my age, I have also come to terms with the fact that it may not happen. I used to worry about boogers and puke; now I wonder how I would be able to teach a 3-hour lab starting at 8:30 a.m. if my child is up with the flu all night. I am also completely open to falling in love with a child who was not my biological child if that is what is in the cards. While it was a bit tongue-in-cheek, if my child is already potty trained and sleeps through the night when they become my child, who am I to complain? (Right now) I do not need to mess with my body, inject myself with hormones, and have a bunch of my eggs harvested and frozen to be happy with my life. This is what feels right to me right now, but you never know what life will bring, right?
It is also frustrating to know I am getting older and have people tell me that I am "so" young (because I am the youngest in my department). While I do not feel OLD, I know I am not YOUNG.
Now that I have that off my chest, I will try to post again soon with more interesting things....
FYI, my birthday also entailed going out to a great dinner with Bill (and a future weekend away somewhere TBD), some flowers from a coworker's garden, and lots of "Happy birthdays!" in the form of FB posts and texts from friends and family. It is not so bad getting older. :-)
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