Whoa

So. It's been nearly 7 months since I last posted. I (think I) will not try to do some major recap or anything, because that would probably be mostly for me? Many of you know bits and pieces of the last 7 months of my life through the FB, Instagram, seeing me, etc. You readers who may still have this pop up on your bloglist have had your own wonderful, awful, and/or average life things happen over these past months.

....

I started this post a couple of days ago, but didn't know where else to go with it. The title was actually in reference to the 7 months since the last post. I am inspired to post it and a random hodge podge of things though, because I found out on the ever trusty face book that my most faithful commentor, Ron, passed away at work yesterday. I never asked how Ron found my blog, but it was likely from my early days of blogging when I would wander around blogland reading and commenting. Once, I posted about being googleable, and Ron was up to the challenge and ended up tracking me down on the face book. My ex thought it was weird Ron and I were friends on FB (but NOT that my other ex kept trying to stay in touch with me). I never met him in real life despite driving back and forth near his homebase several times. He was always ready with an obviously ridiculous comment on posts on the FB, and kind in blogland. He struggled with his life, but was a good person.

It is strange, because I lost my last living grandparent in the spring right before my birthday, but was not inspired to post about that loss. To be fair, I have thought of posting many, MANY times in these seven months, so maybe I will just start working through thoughts of race, relationships, academia, etc.?

In the meantime, I have recommitted to running, or at least am trying. Also eating more fruits and vegetables and less carbs. I am trying to be at least active in an intentional way every day starting last week (although on Saturday I got a mani-pedi instead...) and be aware of what I am eating (logging everything for 7 days to truly see if I eat the way I think I do).

I will leave you with some recipes I have tried recently that are TOTAL wins:

Earl-grey tea cake with rhubarb cream cheese icing I made to watch the last couple of episodes of Outlander with friends...who ended up canceling because they needed to finish packing for their impending trips to Europe. For the record, I brought it to work and did not eat it all myself!

Coconut raspberry dark chocolate muffins that happen to be vegan, paleo, low-carb, and grain free. A coworker picked me two pints of raspberries (and blueberries!), so I was using a handful of them up.

A delicious banana bread recipe I made vegan (by substituting "flax egg" for real egg) and roasted the bananas for because they were not very ripe. This one I made vegan because one of my summer research students is vegan and had her wisdom teeth out last week, so I promised to bake something she could eat before that happened. The cranberries were a surprisingly good touch!

Last, but not least, a zucchini crust for a "pizza". There is a comment that it is "quiche-like", which I would buy. It comes out a little floppy, but relatively sturdy to hold stuff up. Obviously if you were to dare to attempt feed this to children you should NOT use the word "pizza", because pizza it is not. I actually made it with summer squash that the same coworker who donated the raspberries brought in for me. I also used two eggs instead of egg substitute and then added a tablespoon of flax meal and did not use the suggested toppings. If you have seen any of my recipe posts, you will know that I frequently mess around with recipes though....

....

So thanks, Ron, for inspiring me in your absence to post again. Sorry there was not any bacon in the recipes...although that would be tasty on the "pizza"! I'll be interested to see if you entrusted someone to take down your blog when you were gone...

Maybe I'll keep up the blogging....

(...or maybe just reposting links to old posts I never want to forget.)

There is this

It has been a long fall. I have emails (personal, not work) in the queue I haven't responded to (sorry, sis), I've run some, I've has some student who I wish were not dealing with what they are dealing with, I'm still dating (maybe more on this word choice later), I have made great friends and close close aquaintences here, I am going to see Dar Williams this weekend (Woohoo!), and I have six weeks with no classes starting very soon (to be clear, this does NOT mean six weeks off). There is still this though:

Bill: When do you want to go see the movie 'the interview'?
Jenski: Don't you mean 'the theory of everything'?
Bill: Double feature!
Jenski: That would be quite the funny date night.
Bill:It'll be an upper and a downer.
Jenski: But if we go to that theater where we go, we can sneak in a bottle of wine!
Bill: I'll wear baggy pants.
Jenski: That's what winter coats are for.
Bill: True. Cold weather is smuggling weather.
Jenski: I wonder why we don't hear more about those Canadians {Sorry, Spark} smuggling drugs, alcohol, people, and exotic pets into the country?
Bill: Because they sail down Lake Michigan which is full of scoundrels.
Jenski: Corrupt Wisconsinites!
Bill: Exactly! They love cheese and crime.
Jenski: We're funny.
Bill: Haha. Yup.

Tapped

I was going to title this 'Tapped Out', but I am not quite there yet. In true form I have some work I truly need to finish tonight. I also just had a text conversation with a dear friend about how we need to catch up and said that I was sad over the weekend thinking about how I haven't been able to make time to keep up with friends [waves hi to all those friends out there], but here I am posting something so I can clear my mind and get the work done. You're welcome.

The truth is I do have down time, and it is typically spent hanging out with Bill. I did see a friend and her fiancee over the weekend because she happened to text and Bill and I were going to be walking right by their apartment. I am going on a whirlwind trip to Disney World next weekend and running 13.1 miles in the middle of the trip. Life is not entirely all work and no play.

Work is happening and good and very busy. I find myself talking with a lot of students outside of class, which is great because I think they generally think I am approachable and helpful. My summer research student frequently exclaims how much she loves me and how I always have great advice. I am particularly touched after the college chaplain emailed me with a message from a student I have a good relationship with because that student specifically asked the chaplain to tell me something.

It is a tricky balance when students like interacting with you and you want to know what all of them think and how you can help them but you have classes to prep and research to do. I said to friends at work today that I think I am spending too much time doing that because at the end of the day I have talked with a lot of students and not done much work. I end up at home at 9:00 with a bunch of work to do. I do love the student part of my job, though, and sometimes I think I would be fulfilled by a career in counseling.

Then I get an email from the college chaplain that makes me tear up (the student is/will be fine, but I am just worried), and then I realize counseling and caring about everyone all the time would be too exhausting.

Holy Moly!

It's been a bit of time since I last posted, and this one is sure to disappoint. By all means, you few readers are welcome to let me know what I should be writing about or what you've wondered I've been up to. I've been busy, and life is good. So I'm here to share with you conversations I still have with the Ex about once a year. This is from yesterday/today.

Him: I'll be in your city soon. Want to meet up for dinner??
Me: No thanks.
Him: Boo. Really? {insert FB 'sticker' to indicate frustrated emotion} I respect your decision, but wish we could be friends

[This is not the first time he has said that...and a mere 12 hours later he follows up, so I'm not sure what his version of 'respecting my decision' means.]

Him: BTW, why don't you want to hang out? We've both had significant others since we dated. Doesn't that mean we can be friends now?
Me: I have enough friends and don't need reminders of failed relationships. I've thought about them enough. Why do you keep pushing it every so often over the years when I keep saying no?

[You're all asking yourselves right about now why I'm engaging in this conversation, right? Me too.**]

Him: Okay. I give up. I "keep pushing it" because I want to reconnect with an old friend and hope you've gotten over it now since it's been almost 10 years and you've had other relationship. {insert FB sticker to indicate confused emotion.}
Me: Sure, I've gotten over it and moved on, which is why I'm happy with the friends I have.

And I leave you with that to ponder. We've had this 'conversation' before.

Off to spend the day drinking beer with the guy I'm actually dating, to be followed tomorrow morning with my first running race ever (a 5k on campus) so that I can at least have a race experience once before doing 13.1 miles next month. Ack! I need to come up with a running plan for the next few weeks. I've done 10.4 so I'm not too worried, but would like to do at least a 12 or 13 mile run before then.

[**I do have his phone number blocked so he cannot text me. Not sure if he realizes that or not. He doesn't email. Now every so often he'll send a FB message. Why haven't I unfriended him? Because I don't want the email asking, "Why, Jenski, why?" Although now that I write that, an email would be easier to ignore...]

Where did June go?

Time flies when you're super busy! I do not really have time to post right now because I have some emails to write and a grant proposal to work on. I was inspired to share a couple of things though, like text conversations with Bill that make me laugh. He is on the left; I am on the right.

I went to a workshop where there were lupine...

...jellyfish...

...and lots of fun and good connections made. I also got to see friends and family before and after the workshop, which is always a plus!

There are other things I could write about, but maybe when things slow down after my proposal deadline? Famous last words - after that deadline is an undergrad research day with my summer student and after that I have four weeks to plan a seminar course and catch up on all the other teaching ideas I have had. It would be nice to read a book for fun too....

That's it!

I have a couple of posts in draft form, a grant to write, my sister's birthday to follow up on (it's on my list, Aim!), a long weekend with my parents I could post about, a conference tomorrow.

But I heard this song on the radio on my way home. I teared up and had one of those aha! moments.

This is why I hesitate to risk putting myself out there.

Girl can you tell me
the one thing you'd rather die than lose?
'Cause mine would be you.
Mine would be you.

When I heard these final lines in the song, I thought that I have felt that way before, and I don't feel like that was reciprocated. Maybe my actions did not exhibit the emotion behind them enough? I do not really know, but I am not sure that someone has felt this way about me, and I teared up. [To be fair, I bet that my high school boyfriend did feel this way, but given our young age, didn't know how to fight for us and get my 19-year-old-self to grow up.]

When this song came out, the whole thing made me cry. Then, when I stopped being angry and hurt about my last relationship, I would hear it wish that someone felt (or acted) this way for me; it gave me a sense of longing. Now, apparently, it does what I am sure therapy could have done two years ago and gave me a chance to articulate why I shy away from the possibility of another relationship.

Music is cheaper than therapy.