Poignant-ish

I've fallen many times in love and every time it's been with the wrong man.

This is sorta cheating, because I posted more of this song previously. What can I say, I like it.

Right now, much like election night ;-), I am cautiously optimistic about my situation with, ummm...I am actually having a hard time deciding between KHC's and Molly's suggestions, the boy. I miss him. He left for his Thanksgiving weekend today, and I am heading to my parents tomorrow. He is going to be somewhere in Wisconsin, and I will be in the middle of no where on a mountain with limited cell phone reception. I think I am going to miss the amount of contact we have throughout the day online, and certainly talking to him...I suppose I could give him my parents' house number. That would be shmart. ANYWAY.

The countdown has begun. Have I told you how he started counting down when I went out there? As it got closer, he even broke it down for me by hours and minutes. How freakin' cute is that? Right now, it is nine days until he gets here.

Oh, yeah, so the lyrics. I keep coming back to that idea because I have been in love before and am obviously single. I am trying not to be too closed off while not feeling too vulnerable with the boy. That is my problem in relationships. I am really good at not talking about the relationship or how I feel. I blame circumstance. The boy in college was into blond athletic chicks...not my M.O. There was the relationship in China, and we did not share any languages in which we were both fluent...kinda limits the conversation. Then there is the ex, and, well, that was just what it was. Then this quote from One Tree Hill the other night made me think of the guys in between all that stuff (we will count Poop in that too), the gist of which was:

Guy: Do girls always fall in love the with rebound guy?
Girl: Yes. Your head tricks you into the love so you can escape the crushing pain of the break-up.

All this means is that I do not really want to do all that in between stuff again. It is tiring. Dating is tiring. Meeting new people and trying to be interesting and interested is tiring. I much prefer the friendship-turned-into-something-more thing. SO much easier. And although that is not necessarily how Cheerios Farmer (CF???) may view it, I feel like that is how we started. I am so much better at the sharing when I am already comfortable with the person.

Danielle mentioned something about swooning if CF had taken me dancing. That was not his intent when I visited, but when we went to a bar he frequents, the last song was Kenny Chesney's 'You Save Me' and he took me out there to dance to it. Now, he and I both listen to it frequently. I am concerned that if this works out, 'our song' will be a country song. Not cool. What else...Um, he has a habit of writing 'I <3>----. Typed flowers? Grad students do what they can afford. ;-) He constantly subtly probes to see if there are other boys in my periphery and I assure him there are not. He all but directly asked if I would want to go to where he is for my post-doc by having a friend show me around the friend's lab and later asking me if I would want to switch to that lab's study system after I am done.

So to sum up all this rambling: I (we will stick with) like and miss CF a lot and am afraid to feel too vulnerable but have resolved myself to do just that when he gets here in 9 days and counting.

(And yes, I watched half of One Tree Hill the other night. Sue me.)