Reset

I use Mint-dot-com to put all my expenses in one place and track a budget. It has worked pretty well. My biggest realization is that I spend a significant portion of my income on the 'Gifts' category that includes charity, birthday, wedding, and baby gifts. I just changed my monthly limit and reset the overage that has grown to $400 over the past months.

When I went out yesterday for the sole purpose of cashing in on some free coupons at Bath & Body Works and L'Occitane and beefing up my professional wardrobe, I failed miserably at spending money on myself. It was the biggest shopping fail at Loft that I think I have ever had, no exaggeration. Last time I went in to get a pair of pants on sale, I walked out with a couple shirts, the pants, and a sweater. This time? Nada.

This random post brought to you by job search procrastination....

Thank offering

One of the groups at church passes out little Thanksoffering boxes that are collected around Thanksgiving. You are supposed to put money in every time you are thankful for something during the fall months, and I believe they are returned on stewardship Sunday. I had put change in it here and there.

My parents came to visit for the weekend, and my Dad emptied his change into it. Seemed appropriate - we visited a museum, an art/craft fall fair, a couple of small towns in the area, a great restaurant, and hung out.

I just emptied my wallet into it yesterday. It was again appropriate. I went to NYC and got to see lots of friends and eat good food and they all humored me and did touristy things. I miss them all and was very thankful to see them.

If I had change I would put some more in there this evening for time spent with my confirmation mentee. She is two weeks shy of 14 years old, a cross country athlete, and full of energy. I think the next time we meet, I will have a coffee before so I can be more her speed. I think I used the word 'like' enough though. Her Mom, like, made us chocolate chip cookies and lemonade. No joke.

Other things that I have had fun with? I have enjoyed my smart phone. I am slowly being less obsessed with checking it all the time. Angry Birds has been bad for my productivity. I took some photos and used Instagram while in NYC at Brooklyn Brewery...

...and a random building near where we had Sunday brunch. The sky was blue; the building had cool masonry, and the clock had no hands.

All at once now.

October is packed full for me this year!

I have 10 job applications in so far, and 6 to 8 to go. I have my first phone interview on Friday! CF came to visit. My parents came to visit. I go to NYC this weekend to see friends. I got a new beautiful phone in amber brown that I will activate tomorrow; this phone is likely smarter than I. I accidentally got a white cover for it, so I will have to wait until it tears or stains and get a better color. I have been exercising only a couple of days a week, but when I do I am tired. Climbing = fun and difficult. Jogging = boring and tiring. I am getting my butt back to the research bench, and anxiously waiting for a co-author to email me back, after 3 weeks and a reminder email, so I can submit my research paper that has been finished for a while.

Evolving

At one of the Confirmation Classes I was sitting in on, the topic of evolution came up. All of the 13-14 year olds in the class go to public schools. The initial overwhelming insight the students shared is that they just have not been able to believe that we evolved from monkeys. So they do not really think that evolution is the explanation for animals (humans/apes) that exist today. Their perspective on creationism was less assured, but the thing that disturbed me was how dismissive they were of the scientifically supported theory of evolution.

It was disturbing to me because to my knowledge the state in which I live has not had the evolution versus creationism in the public schools thing. It was disturbing because they did not understand the theory of evolution at all.

While they talked, I was waiting until I heard them all and what they thought. The pastor let them finish and explained that the theory is actually that humans and apes, for example, have evolved the same amount of time from some common ancestor that, in a sense, resembled both humans and apes. That ancestor was not an ape or a human.

It took a two minute explanation by the pastor, and him sharing his belief in evolution and the moment at which he got it on a field trip growing up, for them all to be like, "OOOooooohhhhh...that makes more sense. I feel better that we didn't evolve from apes."

Also, Bill Nye is awesome. It is great to have visible people refuting crazy talk.

Fails

When I got my own apartment in grad school, I walked home alone at night after drinking a couple of times. Then I realized that was not the best idea. I think I am aware of what is going on around me - I never talked on the phone, but had it ready to call if I needed to. I wouldn't listen to music. I walked with purpose. I paid attention to noises and people and cars around me. One night a friend and I were walking in the same direction, then parted ways after some drinking and it was latish. He made me promise to call him when I got home. Then I took a cab home from the subway one night and it was only $5. $5 and some friendly conversation with the local cab driver and I would get home safely. Sold.

(I was hyper aware of the sound of the taxi leaving. One night the cab sat there for a bit. I stayed away from the windows as I went up the stairs and did not turn on any lights until the car was gone. Paranoid? Meh.)

I do not have a regular thing when I get home that would let someone know I am home. (We will not get into the fact that CF and I do not talk every day...) So I am kinda aware of keeping myself safe. But two times in the past week, I did not act in situations and the excuse/reason was that it was potentially dangerous. But I wonder if it was actually dangerous or if I just need respond in a better way. I think one big problem with society is the general attitude that if you have a problem, it is your problem. If you know me a little bit, you likely know I am a good example of how people don't always ask for help when they should (or when it would be a good idea). So I try to make an effort to offer help when I recognize a situation in which I could help. Anyhoo. Onto my recent life fails.

I went for a run. 1.5 miles up the road. 1.5 miles back the same way. (Not a continuous run, mind you. Enough running to make my muscles hurt though.) The whole road has houses on both sides all the way. (This is me setting the stage for how it was a safe environment.) On the way back, there was a small pick-up parked. As I passed, I realized there was an older woman in the front seat crying. There was a lot of stuff in the cab. I could not remember if she was there 10 minutes earlier when I passed going in the opposite direction. I hesitated, but kept running. Did she just have to leave her home and did not know where she was going to sleep that night? (Not that I would offer my home.) Was it a murder TV show waiting to happen? Did she just lose a loved one? I will never know.

I am in the process of caving and getting a smart phone. {sigh} The second situation happened after a man came into the wireless phone store while I was in there on a rainy Friday evening. He was unkempt and had a grocery cart that he left outside with stuff in it. He was asking questions about pre-paid phones, and seemed to carry on a decent conversation with the sales dude. I did not notice when the man left. As I was pulling out of the parking lot, I realized that man was laying near the curb in the parking lot with his cart and he was not moving. I was pulling into traffic. Do I keep digging for my phone while I drive? Do I turn around? It is dark and rainy. I am at the stop light and realize there was a police car that turned its lights on stopping the intersection traffic. Then an ambulance and fire truck came through and pulled into the parking lot I had just left. I felt relieved and guilty that my immediate reaction was not to stop pulling out of the parking lot and to go over to the man.

I think I talk myself out of what might be a difficult situation, but still one for which I have time. I think I imagine that criminal TV show. I clearly watch too much Criminal Minds and Law & Order.

Verses

Somehow I have found myself a Confirmation Mentor at church. I should not say "somehow" as if I was coerced to sign a legally binding document or something. I did say yes, and I do think I will enjoy it.

In addition to ringing handbells and being a mentor, I have volunteered days when my church was responsible for people at a Habitat house and a local soup kitchen. I also participate in the adult group for 20ish to 35/40-ish year olds. I honestly do not know exactly what I believe or feel, but this church has definitely provided opportunities to explore that and also get involved in the whole community.

I have found many parts of church that speak to me and have yet to actually sit down and share them. I am putting in more effort to read the scripture every week, and a couple of weeks ago was one of those 'Aha!' moments.

So from my Good News Bible that I got in third grade, I bring you parts of James.

3.13 Is there anyone among you who is wise and understanding? He is to prove it by his good life, by his good deeds performed with humility and wisdom. But if in your heart you are jealous, bitter, and selfish, don't sin against the truth by boasting of your wisdom. Such wisdom does not come down from heaven; it belongs to the world, it is unspiritual and demonic. Where there is jealousy and selfishness, there is also disorder and every kind of evil.

Aha! If you're selfish and boastful, it is not good. It was like reassurance that giving as much as I can does make a difference. That may seem silly to think otherwise, but how often do good people get told they are doing the right thing?

4.1 Where do all the fights and quarrels among you come from? They come from your desires for pleasure, which are constantly fighting within you. You want things, but you cannot have them, so you are ready to kill; you strongly desire things, but you cannot get them, so you quarrel and fight.

Aha! The fighting mentioned reminded me of war. On a smaller scale, bickering and arguing. So I guess the question is, when do you try to "stick to your guns" and when do try to let those strong desires go?