...porn. Okay, not porn, but good adult humor really.
I had this post all thought out about regular old blogging to follow yesterday's post, but that is not going to happen. Tonight was taco night. Taco night came with five adults, tacos, and three bottles of wine. Keep in mind, one of those adults did not have a sip of alcohol, and one of those adults also had a raspberry vodka and sprite before breaking into the wine. So basically four adults, three bottles of wine, and one vodka-sprite. We are all also grad students - four sharing an office, and my roommate. Good times.
Lots of adult humor. I've had a few drinks and the later conversation that I remember was talking about the validity of using sexual favors to coerce a partner into doing something they would otherwise tend not to do. I find no problem with this in some situations. I would not use sexual favors excessively, but if there was something I really wanted a partner to do with me, and the only reason he was opposed was general apathy, I could see myself coercing them with whatever means possible. Why not?
We also brought up the debate about inviting people to weddings out of obligation. If someone you felt you should invite, but did not want to because they have not done anything positive in your life, is gay, could you make up a fake excuse about older relatives who will be at the wedding thinking that is scandalous? Is this fair to the person in question? Should you feel obligated to invite someone in a higher position than you to your wedding? Then the subject of women kissing women came up. The boys were listening then, let me tell you.
K. Gotta get some sleep for step class at 7:30 in the morning. I may not make it though...
12 comments:
LOL, half the time guys say they don't want to do something is in the hopes that somebody will start throwing around sexual favors LOL. And what about women kissing women? Things were getting really interesting :)
All that wine and no orgy? Lame!
By the way what's with the gay thing? Sounds a little homophobic... I mean what's wrong with inviting a gay person to a wedding?
It's not like you can tell someone is gay by looking at them. Unless they're wearing nipple clamps and sucking a cock.
Really, what's the big deal?
The wedding planner is probably gay. The guy who made the wedding cake is probably gay. The guy who made the wedding dress is totally gay. The photographer is slightly gay. Half the waiters are gay. The priests is not only gay but into little boys as well. The florist is a flaming homosexual.
If you don't want gays at your wedding don't get married.
When you say coercing with sexual favors, do you mean that you offer a particular favor to your significant other in exchange for doing a task the person finds unpleasant, or do you mean that you withhold sexual favors until your significant other does the task in question? I feel like the former is great: who doesn't like incentives? The second seems a little manipulative, and I think it might breed resentment.
As for making up an excuse not to invite an unwelcome person by blaming it on relatives who could be homophobic, I think that's yucky. Even if the bride and groom don't have great love for the person they're not inviting, it makes it clear that they're choosing their close-minded relatives over the non-guest and aren't willing to stand up to them.
If an excuse is required at all, I think a generic one would be better, e.g., "It's a shame that we couldn't invite all of our friends to our special day," or something equally cheesy. People know that weddings are expensive and that the bride and groom can't invite everyone. If the person thinks they are entitled to an invitation and feels snubbed as a result, then that's their problem.
I had a wonderful, laughter-filled dinner with lab-mates tonight too. Unfortunately, I go to a SUCK school so there was no wine. I had to supply that for myself after the fact.
Sexual favors? I'm with you. Definitely appropriate (in some cases).
I think not inviting people to a wedding out of obligation is fine. But making excuses about it being because of their sexuality...not so fine.
I am going to throw in my two cents, that basically agrees with everyone else. If you don't want to invite someone you feel "obligated" to invite, then don't. But whatever you do, don't lie about why you aren't inviting them. Using sexual orientation as an excuse is just horribly wrong. I can only imagine that your wine-induced stupor led you to think that it would be okay. I think Molly said it, that it would indicate to the person in question that you aren't willing to stand up for them, which is more detrimental to your relationship with that person than by not inviting them in the first place.
As for inviting someone in a higher position than you to your wedding, do you mean like a boss? I know HB and I get invited to what seems to be every person's wedding who has ever worked for him, but we never go, and we never send a gift. Maybe we are wrong to do so, but it seems like they are inviting us because they feel obligated and neither of us feels obligated to reciprocate. So, yes, it is a tricky situation. I think it is more easy to avoid when you are having a medium to small wedding and want to use Molly's line about not being able to have everyone there.
...drinking on a school night...
;-)
And then there's the other option: don't have a wedding! They're expensive and stressful.
Signed, the Been There Done That Cynical Divorcee.
P.S. Ken and I haven't had a wedding. Sometime I'll post about my first wedding, and you'll see why I'm not keen to repeat the experience.
Wowie. This was a Jen story wrapped in randomness inside an alcoholic haze.
At any rate, re: the bit about inviting people to weddings out of obligation, my preternaturally wise sister has the following to say,
"You don't want to pay for people you don't like to come to your wedding! You don't want to look at your photos twenty years later and think to yourself, 'Who's this guy?'."
Sorry to disappoint, Ron and unsigned. Just hit the next blog button a couple of times. :)
And an umbrella response to the rest...To expand on the wedding invite debate, the reason we were talking about it is because this woman has actually confronted a previous student about an invitation. So this engaged person is just anxious about being confronted about the lack of an invitation. Making any reference to this woman's sexuality is probably the more offensive lie (obviously), but saying the guest list was too long already is also a stretch of the truth. I am definitely of the mind that you should invited people who you actually want to be there! I have also known people to take Spark's suggestion. Think of all the money one can save by forgoing a wedding!
As for the sexual favors, I was not talking about withholding all sexual favors because that can hurt both parties. I was talking about additional favors for coercion. :)
KHC, "a Jen story wrapped in randomness inside an alcoholic haze." HAHAHA! So true. I told a story last night, and everyone just looked at me, and I said, "Good story, huh?" :)
Wow, inviting yourself to a student's wedding? That's so crass. Maybe she can just be noncommittal and say something about how they're still working on the guest list?
Wacky.
Molly, apparently it was one of those "I was just wondering if..." questions. You know how my lab works. ;)
Wyldth1ng - yup.
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